What do you do about mean kids?

chasingamyandmatt

It's just hearbreaking when other kids are mean to your kid isn't it?

I went to dinner at a friend's house and she had another couple over as well.  The friend has two children, one 6 and one 3.  The other couple had two, maybe 7 and 5 and mine is 3.  They were all playing together, but the "other couple's" children were so mean to mine.  They would take toys away from her out of the blue.  I watched to see how mine would react and all she did was say, "You have to share" in a rather reasonable and non-whiny tone (which is not always typical for my kid!)

Then later on, I happened to be upstairs when the kids were all getting ready to go and I heard one of the "other couple's" kids calling mine and the other 3 year old "the two weirdos in the house" and "the two dummies".  Neither 3 year old was in the room to hear it (thankfully) and I'm quite certain that my friend's 6 year old was not saying any of it because it's just not like her.  Then when my daughter did walk in the room they started accusing her of stealing or hiding their clothes (they were playing dress up).  Luckily my daughter is too young to pick up on the mean tone, but I certainly am not.  So when I heard them keep asking her what she did with the clothes and her keep telling them she didn't have them, I just went in the room and asked her to come with me.  I didn't know what else to do.

What would you do in this situation?  Would you tell your friend?  I know I certainly would want to know if my dd's friends were being mean to her other freinds, not to mention being mean to her little brother? 

Or would you just let it slide since there is so much that goes on between children that we just don't see and hear....and just let the kids handle it on their own?

I just feel so terrible and heartbroken that my daughter was even subjected to that kind of nasty attitude.  And I feel bad for her friend probably feeling torn between the two sets of friends.  This part of parenting stinks!

WonderRed

What you just described, I wouldn't do anything and would let him work it out for himself.   It's so hard but he's got to learn to deal with kids on his own and I can't be there to do it for him all the time.  Unpleasant people and situations are just an unfortunate fact of life for all of us, regardless of age. N will often bring it up after it happens so I do talk with him  about what choices he made and what he could do the next time to better stand up for himself but  I don't step in until it starts crossing the line towards being physical.  

ETA:  I will also remove him from the situation if it is going on too long and isn't resolving on it's own.   It seems to happen more when we go to McDonalds or other play places.   I'll just pull him aside to take a break and focus on his food or, if we've been there a while ready, just tell him it's time to go.

goldenjes

I also think you did the right thing.  I think we want to swoop in and protect our children, but that can do more harm in the long run.

If the mean kids were her age, I'd have gone in with her and nicely talked to all the kids for a minute because 3yos have a lot to learn socially.  Since the kids are older, I doubt they would respond the same way and it wouldn't help your DD.

My kids come home with stories from school all the time.  Similar to WR, I also discuss the events & their reactions to them.  They need to recognize bad situations before they get out of hand, and do what is in their power to change them.  I won't be there to do that for them or fight their battles.  (I also would not go to a teacher/administration unless there was physical contact, or if a pattern of bullying was going on)

All that said, I think you might bring it up with your friend, and leave it up to her to tell their mom.  Maybe the kids were having a really bad day, but as a parent I'd want to know if my kids were acting like little jerks.

jason&robin

I think it depends on how close I am with the kids and their parents. If it was a close friend's kids, I would definitely mention it and would probably(in a friendly tone) say something to the kids. I would hope that the same would be done for me if the tables were turned. Obviously, the older kids also need to learn how to act properly in a social environment so I don't necessarily think that ignoring it is the right answer. The older kids need to learn that it isn't acceptable. Just because it's "normal" and happens all the time doesn't mean it's acceptable and we should just turn our backs to it and let our kids fend for themselves.

EngagedinVegas

I'm a knee jerk reaction mom and I would have removed my daughter from the situation.

todds_wife

Well, I wouldn't want to go back for other social situations there if there was a chance my kid would get picked on the whole time, so I would probably tell my friend. I would have removed Coop and knowing me, I would have given the kids the "all knowing adult" look, do they would know I heard their crappy behavior.