In-law Issues anyone?!?!?

lfmeg

I've spoken to so many women who are dealing with mother, sister, and even father in laws who are crazy and sometimes almost vindictive. Trying to sabotage their own children's relationship. Is anyone else dealing with this? How big is this problem?!?  

kcpokergal

There are a lot mentally ill people in the world and usually the worse they are, the less inclined they are to get treatment. 

My in-laws have their moments, but are generally very nice. My dad has a lot of emotional and medical issues, but does not try to interfere with my life.

I think a lot of people who struggle with their families would be well served by seeing a therapist to help cope with these relationships and create boundaries.  

doglove

Can you give more examples of the behavior you are dealing with in your own situation? Where is your SO in all of this? Are you married, engaged or dating?

EastCoastBride

doglove:

Can you give more examples of the behavior you are dealing with in your own situation? Where is your SO in all of this? Are you married, engaged or dating?

This.  Your question is very generic and open ended.

While there are genuine IL issues, I'll say this too - being an "inlaw" doesn't mean a person is gonig to be bad/annoying.  I think many women go into marriage expecting the "evil IL's" to exist and almost look for issues, often where there are none.

And I've seen situations where it's actually the wife who is the territorial one and gets pissed at ANY show of care or concern from her IL's towards her DH.

So.... there is a lot that goes into ANY relationship, especially "IL" relationships.

SHeins

My in-laws arent the problem for me.

Its my parents that cause me issues.

Though I cant say they've ever tried to sabotage my relationship. If they did, I would be raising holy hell and reminding them that they shouldnt be throwing stones in their glass house.

ms12345

I tend to believe that most inlaw troubles - even those that seem unsalvageable - stem from miscommunication or non-communication. I can't imagine that so many inlaws are inherently bad.

Being a couple of years older and wiser, I can clearly see where my lack of communication and my defensiveness contributed to the past problems with my inlaws.

EastCoastBride

ms12345:

I tend to believe that most inlaw troubles - even those that seem unsalvageable - stem from miscommunication or non-communication. I can't imagine that so many inlaws are inherently bad.

Being a couple of years older and wiser, I can clearly see where my lack of communication and my defensiveness contributed to the past problems with my inlaws.

Yes, all of this.  While we sit here and point fingers at "our" IL's - guess who else are also IL's?  Our own parents..... but yet, it's usually the man's parents who are the problem.  Never the woman's.....  Hmmm.

riiskybusiness

EastCoastBride:

ms12345:

I tend to believe that most inlaw troubles - even those that seem unsalvageable - stem from miscommunication or non-communication. I can't imagine that so many inlaws are inherently bad.

Being a couple of years older and wiser, I can clearly see where my lack of communication and my defensiveness contributed to the past problems with my inlaws.

Yes, all of this.  While we sit here and point fingers at "our" IL's - guess who else are also IL's?  Our own parents..... but yet, it's usually the man's parents who are the problem.  Never the woman's.....  Hmmm.

All of this. Yes, there are some genuinely insufferable people in this world. But in a lot of cases, I think it stems from different opinions and an unwillingness to communicate productively.

tayylor65

While there are parents/In-laws that deserve the title of being difficult and causing issues, I think 90% of "cases" are just family pains.  Everyone is so different and families are even more so.  The emotions that parents go through just as a husband/wife goes through can be difficult and confusing and everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt, most people don't want to offend someone in such an important role (their son's wife, etc.).  DH and I have never had "in-law issues" but there was definitely a point of adjustment, b/c like I said we're all so different.  Fortunately our families are full of genuinely good people though so it wasn't hard.  It's about getting into a routine-outlining boundaries if necessary, understanding how people cope with different things, and so on which can take months or even years depending on how often you see each other.

jaciforsman

Lack of communication is the problem with my MIL... She just assumed we did stuff to piss her off and we did it to help her out and show we care... She, instead of spreading rumors around and talkin trash about me and my H, should have came to us instead of her family.  But my MIL is an alcoholic and that does NOT help matters. yes, H and I are partly to blame, but when someone puts helps you around the house, normally you say thanks but instead, we got talked behind our backs.   Communication is HUGE.

LorC

Communication is a big factor. It's my husband having the problem with my parents. I've never had a problem with his parents. I know that not everything is under our control but communication problems can make things worse.