Cleaning & Organizing
DrMrs2B
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
how to divvy up chores
I am an occasional poster, but mostly a lurker here. I am curious how you and your spouse divy up chores. I am also curious about your opinions about how to do this if one spouse stays home and the other works full-time outside the home with school-aged children. Should the stay-at-home spouse be responsible for all the housework, errands, shopping, etc.? Would you change your answer based on whether it was the husband or the wife who works outside the home? Thanks in advance to all who answer.
Re: how to divvy up chores
We both work plus I have a lot of after work and volunteer commitments. We divvy up chores based on who is home more, who has time, and who enjoys/hates the chore. I cook, he does the dishes. He mows, I dust. I wash and dry, he folds and puts away. For the most part.
If one spouse is working and the other is home, regardless of gender, the person who stays home is responsible for the vast majority of the home upkeep. I don't know why gender would even play into this.
If h stayed home while I worked and I came home to a house that needed to be vacuumed, dirty clothes piled up, no dinner started, I would be livid. The reverse would also be true.
On days I'm gone h fends for himself for meals unless I have time to make something before I go to my evening commitment. It's just as easy to make something for two as it is to make something for one.
We take care of each other and took the time to sit down and figure out what it takes to keep our home running every day. It's just plain factual that bathrooms have to be cleaned and food needs to be purchased. Getting into a pissing match about who does more or who does nothing is stupid.
When we were struggling with chores (he wasn't helping out much), I made a list of all the stuff that I did around the house and added some of the outside stuff he did. He picked what he wanted to do and I took the other half. He hates cleaning bathrooms, I hate taking out trash. We both refuse to do the other. haha.
We both agree that if I get to stay home with our kids, I will be doing most of the stuff. He expects some sort of dinner when he gets home and most of the stuff done around the house. We also expect that some days it will be harder to get all the stuff done. Whatever is left, we both will work on together.
I would like to say that if he stayed home, stuff would be done, but it wouldn't.
This is us also. FI is getting much better at helping out. When we first moved in together I did pretty much everything since I didn't have a job at the time. He got used to it and that is how it went for a while. When we bought our house, I was feeling like his slave. He didn't see anything wrong with it since I didn't mind before. He now understands that he needs to help out. Mostly we butt heads about how and when stuff should be done. He has yet to finish a core completely, but he is getting there.
PS~ For the record, when I say we butt heads on how things should be done, I don't mean I have my way of doing it and he has his. He just donesn't do the chore all the way. For example, he will vacuum the house, but leave all the big stuff on the floor because the vacuum doesn't pick it up. He will also not vacuum everywhere and we will have nasty dust bunnies in the corners of our hardwoods.
I will say that one of the biggest obstacles for us to work through was his mentality that he was helping me.
"What can I do to help you?"
"What do you need help with?"
Etc.
I had to get him to understand that him doing chores had nothing to do with him helping me and everything to do with th two of taking equal responsibility for our home and each of us pulling our weight/doing our part.
Once he realized that he was coming off as chauvinistic and condescending, things got better. He understands now that he is just as responsible for keeping our home running effectively as I am.
I'm a full time student and do not work, while H works 50-60 hours per week. It is expected that between my classes, studying and cleaning, I will put at least that same number of hours toward something productive.
I do laundry, dishes, vacuuming and dusting, and I also clean the bathroom and kitchen. He likes mopping, so he does that. We both work on clearing clutter and putting things back where they belong. I also do the majority of the cooking.
He also does most of the outdoor chores.
"I wish I could have sparkly tits every single day of my life." --MUNI
I'm assuming that whoever works outside the home full time won't have many opportunities for completing household chores. It's not like you can run home on your lunch hour and do a couple loads of laundry.
Before I was married, I spent ALL of my lunch hour and MOST of my weekend on household errands and chores, because I worked two jobs to pay my bills. I vote that most (or all) of it is the responsibility of the stay home spouse, regardless of gender.
Excellent question. My husband and I both work outside the home. He does all the cooking and cleans the bathrooms, shovels the driveway in the winter, and mows the lawn in the summer. I do the dusting, polishing, floor cleaning and washing, the laundry, and the finances. That is the system we have developed that suits us both.
When I was home with the kids, we didn't vary much from this routine. He also took the children to their daycare and picked them up because I had a much longer commute.
My husband has been unemployed since August due to surgery, and we had major headbutting issues at the beginning. His surgery was just his wrist (and not even his right, he's right-handed) and I would come home to see him not moved from the bed or couch. We had it out several times, but he's gotten 1000% better about helping out. When I get home, things like the dishes, trash, vacuuming, and laundry is done by him. I do the dusting and swiffer mopping as well as most of the bathroom cleaning. I don't know how we divvied it up really. It was just he started doing the things he didn't mind doing, and I pick up the rest.
Cooking is random, just depending on how late my day is. I prefer cooking, although he will do one dish dinners like Hamburger Helper.
DH and I are struggling with this concept. For a long time I was working my minimum 3 12 hour night shifts a week. This left me with 4 days to get all the housework done and I just did it because he was working 5 8 hour evening shifts and on our days off together we would do something fun. Now that we purchased a new home, I'm working overtime to pay for furniture etc and DH isn't fully grasping that I no longer have time to do all the cleaning and upkeep.
We had a long discussion this weekend about how him taking out the trash/recycling once a week isn't enough and that since I now work 60+ hours a week and he works 40 that he would be expected to pick up some other responsibilities. There was some disgruntled mopping this weekend, but at least the floors got clean. I'm thinking about putting together a chore board so he can see what needs done on a regular basis. He's great about doing laundry, but that may be the only chore he enjoys!