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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Interesting post - hardest time in your marriage
I was lurking on another board and came across this and it got me thinking. In our almost ten years of marriage we have been through a lot - IF, my Dad being so sick for 3 years and then passing, unemployment, Billy's speech and now his fine motor issues, newborn stage of two babies. And we have survived them all never once questioning our marriage. I take for granted how strong my marriage is and how supportive my husband is. I need to tell him thank you and I love you more.
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Re: Interesting post - hardest time in your marriage
i love this.
anthony and i thank eachother often- for being supportive, for understanding, for going out of the way to do something. its a nice feeling to know that your bond is strong and you can rely on one another no matter what.
Greg and I went through our hardest point when we first started dating... which was him dealing with his problem with alcohol/depression/anxiety. He worked so hard through it all to make himself get better - knowing that we wouldn't end up together if he didn't fix himself.... I think that helped us build such a strong relationship.
Right now we are in a good spot. We have definitely had lots of ups and downs though . . . a year ago we were a mess and went to therapy together for a few months to try to work through it.
Our problems usually come from financial issues, which we should be able to solve. It's not spending that's the problem, neither one of us is stupid with money, it's just not making enough to get ahead ever - we're always just even. We need a fairy godmother, LOL.
We are in such a good spot right now, the kids are older, we dont have lack of sleep or huge demands from them. We are in a great place financially etc.We have time and freedom to really enjoy each other. We have had rough spots. I remember hearing at the time that when a couple loses a child the likelihoood of them splitting up is very high. I would say that was our toughest time.
i was thinking about this the other day. the last two years have been TOUGH on us (me especially) but ken too. i realized about a month ago the extent of the things he did for me to help me get through my dad being sick, losing my dad, my grandma. helping me get through it with the kids. the loss of his job and the stress of that and the CHAMPION that he was through that. buying a condo for my mom. and all he's done for my mom this year. he's been amazing.
we had quite a few times where there was a very heavy STRAIN on the relationship. but overall he was amazing while we worked t hrough it all and helping me work through it
Let's see my mom died suddenly after we were only married 3 months. That was rough, because it sent me into a deep depression. He was wonderful throughout it.
My dad's long illness while I was pg with Quinn, which was a very difficult pregnancy. Then my dad died 3 weeks before Quinn was born. Then Quinn was not a great sleeper (up every 3 hours for the first year of his life and still not a great sleeper 2 years later). Looking back now, I'm pretty sure I had PPD. Dealing with a newborn and trying to grieve for my dad was pretty stressful. Being sleep deprived only made matters worse. Rob was very hands on and always got up with me when it was time to nurse so he was just as deprived. When Quinn went through the 4 month wakeful period, it almost sent us over the edge. I've never been so tired in my life. It was difficult for me to string words together to make a sentence that made sense.
Rob's mother has MS, and his father has his own issues and was no longer able to take care of her and had to put her in a nursing home. Now, Rob's dad has bladder cancer. He had surgery over a month ago to remove his bladder and now he is in a rehab. Rob and his brother have been taking turns going down to PA, to visit and help out with both parents.
It's just been one thing after another since we got married. It's hard to find a year where something major didn't happen. That's life though, you have to take the good with the bad and deal with it. Laugh and enjoy life whenever you can.
Rob is an AMAZING husband and father. I am a VERY lucky girl. I always tell him how blessed I am to have found him. I couldn't ask for a better partner for this crazy life.
We've been together for almost 11 (May) and married for 7 this October and hands down it was the year it took for us to get pregnant. I was miserable. It was pure hell.
I'm sure it's going to look like a piece of cake in comparison to what the future holds with his mother.
Watching my sister be a single mom and watching J's best friend go through his separation has given me such a clear view on how important he is to me, how important our marriage is and how we both need to work hard to make sure we keep it healthy. As kids of divorce, we both agreed when we first started dating that we would do everything in our power to make a marriage work.
And that's why we're heading into the city tomorrow for a much needed date!!!!! Beer & Van Halen here we come!!!!!
We have weathered our DD being diagnosed with PDD-NOS when she was 2 1/2 and the continuous therapy/work/treatment she has done since then. I really feel like I have an equal partner when it comes to this- and I appreciate it so much. I see my sister, who also has a child on the spectrum, dealing my BIL who is in denial and hardly helps her with it, and I am just so appreciative.
We are also dealing with his family issues- we have pretty much cut ourselves off from his crazy brother and mother. We know that the most important thing is our little family- the four of us and that that is a very strong bond.
Now if I could only get him to hang his wet towel on the towel rack! LOL
I bet my husband and I would have different answers for this question. I think the toughest time for me was right after my son was born. He was a terrible sleeper and I didn't have a good pregnancy, plus the balancing working and being a mom of an infant really sucked. At that time MH was going thru a, "I don't know what I want to be when I grow up phase" which I didn't understand bc I've always known I wanted to be a teacher. I felt like I was carrying the family.
He would probably say this past year including up to right now. I've had my share of sickness and was diagnosed with anxiety and it's been personally hard on me to do lots of things. I've had moments when I'm out somewhere and am paralyzed with fear...out of nowhere. He's had to leave work and get me, or get my son, and take care of me while going to work, caring for my son, etc... I know that in the back of his mind he thinks he causes it too...which is so far from the case.
In times like this (and I'm literally meaning right now...home sick, having anxiety) I'm so thankful I remained strong thru the rough parts and have someone who returns the favor!
this gives me hope that once the kids are older, things will be better. It is not earth shattering but the strain of having two small children, his demanding job and my recent unemployment is taking a toll. I have faith that this too shall pass.
Mike and I have been together since 1996- and the hardest time was 2009- it was awful, I didn't know if I was coming or going, Kieran was still struggling, and it just was awful- I never thought it would be so bad, but I did contemplate leaving, there was just so much going on- but eventually we worked through it, and it has gotten better steadily. I always loved him, but my life wasn't what I thought it would be and that was a hard time for me and for Mike. Now, we hit patches here and there, but we just hang on tight, keep talking and keep going. I know that if we can get through 2009, we can get through anything-
The Journey of Me
Vacation, 2011
I don't think I can pinpoint a specific time. We go through what I like to call valleys in our relationship where I take a step back and try to figure out what needs to be done to send us back towards the peak of the mountain. Pardon my metaphors!
Usually we can just talk about what each needs and it works. MH and I laugh together a lot and when we aren't laughing, that's when I know something is wrong.
2009 was a sh*t year for us too. I went into a depression after I m/c-ed on NYE 2008 and then began the 2nd day of 2009 with a D&C the rest of 2009 that followed I was pretty much in dark place until I was PG with Evan. That was in early 2010 (a year after the D&C about). Then the anxiety came along with the lack of energy being PG and chasing after a 3 year old while working FT until the day I had an emergency c-section with Evan. Then came lack of attention for Stephanie after he was born causing her behavior to put a strain on things. Our house buying and TH selling was stressful but nothing like 2009 was. One day Ed woke up and said "this is not working, we need to move NOW". I told him he was nuts but I would support his crazy random idea (we were planning to save for a few more years). But we rushed to buy and sell and while that caused some tension we now we finally have a big enough house for us and the 2 kids. No more tiny TH and Evan waking Stephy up because we had to cram 2 kids into 1 bedroom. No more Evan's crib in our room just so Stephy can get some sleep. Someone was always sleep deprived. IMO, lack of sleep makes things so much worse on top of an already stressful time. But we got through it.
I am finally in a routine now with working and handling both kids. The hardest part is Ed works more than me and has a further commute so he gets home later/leaves earlier and we hardly see each other/have time for each other. he also doesn't see the kids as much which makes him depressed. And I deal primarily with all things kid related during the week and feel like a single parent at times. That causes us to bicker and nitpick more than usual. I think alone time by ourselves AND date nights are so important. And time for him to do things with the kids (because I am sick of them by the weekend...hahaha). We are lucky we can find someone to watch the kids every now and again so we can have time for ourselves. This past weekend we had a kid free house, had a fancy dinner out and Ed commented "we need to do this more". Time together is what is most important.
Mommy to Stephanie Lena - 2.13.07 and Evan Ralph - 9.23.10
Angel Baby (m/c at 9 weeks) - 1.2.09
Christmas Card Picture - 2011
(aka: the only picture I could get of them together that was not blurry and had them both sitting still!)
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The Stephanie Song...click here to listen!
I don't think we've been through anything that i thought threatened our relationship. When we first started dating, he lived 6 hours away, and I was the only one who had a car (he was living on a campus). So that was kind of rough, especially since his roommate went PSYCHO when he started dating me, she was professing her love for him, attacking me, like really bizarre all around. It was hard to deal with while we were stuck with the situation, but didn't consider breaking up. It just sucked.
Aside from that i think physically being tired is the only other real obstacle. When things just get busy and more stressful, we're tired emotionally and physically, so for awhile our sex life sucks and we both get short fused. But eventually things always get better and we're fine. We've been through lots of life changes and family dramas, but they help strengthen us.
We've been together since 2005. We got married in 2006, had Sabrina December 2007, had Nicholas July 2009, and bought a house in 2010. We crammed 4 huge life changing events into a few short years. We have dealt with our own personal health issues. Things have never gotten 'tough' per se. We both realize how much harder it can be. We feel truly blessed with having 2 healthy kids, jobs and a roof over our heads and we keep reminding ourselves of this when the going gets rough.
He knows how much I appreciate him and vice versa. We find time for ourselves as a couple and as individuals.
Mangia! My Family Table
MH and I have known each other for 19 years, lived together the past 8 years and married almost 6 years.
That being said we have been together through alot with both his family and mine. Our marriage is very strong and I have never had any doubts or issues. The only times we had a strain was when we had newborns in the house. Due to lack of sleep and figuring out a new life it was a big adjustment for us.
We make it a priority to get ourselves time and spend it as we have before and I really think that's key,
In the short time we've been together (a little over 7 years) we have had more than our fair share of difficulties. Honestly, we laugh about how nothing comes easy for us. Nothing.
We dealt with IF for 2.5 years, which included 2 miscarriages and multiple surgeries. We've dealt with my father's awful health issues and my SIL's stage 3 breast cancer. And even more major issues that have been more recent that I won't get into here.
Our toughest time has been in the past 2 years. And when I say tough I mean TOUGH, like, almost separated tough. Yeah, that's the first time I'm saying that out loud.
We are finally on an upswing and I hope I'm not jinxing myself by saying that. Things are turning around for us and I hope positive things continue to happen. Our love is strong and has gotten us through all of these tough times - and we will fight to keep it that way.
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We have a really strong relationship and he is truely my best friend. We don't fight often and he is really good to me but 2 years ago when I was not getting pregnant and finally figured out I had a problem, I came close to walking away from marriage.
I just felt like such a failure and I couldn't get myself out my funk. My DH was always so supportive and that made me feel worse and pull away from him.
We are in a much better place now and I am doing better with letting him in.