Things Not to Say to Women Without Children

alliapistor

To carry on Trickey's theme and because although I'm a mom now, it didn't happen until age 35 so I've heard it all.  People just don't know your circumstances (i.e., don't want kids, ttc but having fertility issues) and many forget what it was like before they had kids.

1.       When are you going to have kids?

2.       When you have kids you?ll understand.

3.       Any conversation involving your child?s bowel movements.

4.       I'm sorry it's taken forever for me to call/email/text you back.

5.       We always wanted to have a family.

6.       I only invited other parents.

7.       Aren?t you happy that you don?t have kids?  Or Is this effective birth control for you?

8.       Anything about your duty to carry on the family name, your great athletic abilities, good looks, etc.

9.       Being a mom is a woman's greatest achievement.

10.   Aren't you worried about ending up old and lonely?  Who will take care of you?

 

UTRachel84

"I just cannot understand why a married couple would not want children"  I see that one too - there are a lot of reasons for waiting (or not having children).  I don't say to people "wow I cannot believe that you want children when you are not financially secure," it's essentially the same sentiment in reverse.  Everyone has priorities and perhaps children are not a priority for many people right away. 

star678

I also hate when people tell childless by choice women that they are selfish for their decision.  I completely disagree and find it disheartening. 

Anasara

Love this piece by Nia Vardalos:

http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2010/05/08/if-you-dont-have-anything-nice-to-say-on-mothers-day/

Good, basic info from Resolve:

http://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

 

MrsJaay

My favorite is when people tell me how much they value their own life/safety/not acting recklessly/etc. now that they have kids. Well gee, let me just throw myself off of a building right now because apparently no one will care if I die, a-hole!

I mean, I get it, no one wants to leave their kids without a mother but just think about your words here people.

Jill420791

Ugh the one I got yesterday at work by the office people at my school really bothered me.  You need to have a baby soon, I hope you know being that your 32 your running out of time. I was like thanks NO PRESSURE.

Beth&Derek

I've actually gotten, "You've been married a while now. What's wrong with you?" Um...how do you know that there isn't anything wrong? I mean, I've never ttc, so I don't even know if there's anything wrong! How awful would that be if I were actually trying having a hard time?!

ColleenS629

Jill420791:

Ugh the one I got yesterday at work by the office people at my school really bothered me.  You need to have a baby soon, I hope you know being that your 32 your running out of time. I was like thanks NO PRESSURE.

One of my students told me at the end of last school year that I needed to hurry up and get pregnant soon because I was getting old, my eggs were going to expire soon, and I didn't want to have one of those petri dish babies... while I was currently pregnant from IVF but hadn't announced yet. Nice. 

Jill420791

OMG Colleen what grade do you teach? Also Where in NJ are you from? I am originally from South Jersey.  BTW I think your petri dish babies are cute :P