In today's age, do you believe in teaching boys about chivalry?

Nanner

I've been thinking about this a bit.  A couple of months ago, I offhandedly said the phrase, "ladies first" when we were getting off the elevator and Sam and Hannah were trying to exit at the same time.  It's not something that I intended to "teach" my son at the time--I just said it without thinking, almost like an involuntary response. Since then, a couple of times Hannah has insisted that she go first because "ladies are always supposed to go first." Of course Sam then gets mad because, "That's not fair!" 

So that got me thinking--with the move toward gender equality, is chivalry still relevant or even appropriate?  I shirk traditional gender roles in so many aspects, why would I subscribe to this one and choose to pass it on to my son?

It occurred to me that no, I don't want to teach him about chivalry.  I want to teach him manners and respect for BOTH genders.  I'll teach him to hold doors open when someone is coming up behind you and let them go first. Assist people who need help, like if their arms are full or they have a stroller or crutches.  Offer his seat to someone who needs it more. Those things transcend chivalry.

Things like opening a lady's car door, helping her off with her coat--those are a little different to me, for some reason.  I guess it's because those things seem more intimate.  I guess I'll teach him about those things when it's time to start dating, telling him that "the girls love it."  But does that make me hypocritical? (is that even the right word?)

How do you feel about chivalry in today's age? 

houstonkdw

I am almost appalled by the lack of it today.  Call me old fashioned but I plan to teach my son to hold doors for women, give up your seat, say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am", pick up the check, etc.  I still have faith that it is not dead

chrisbride04

houstonkdw:

I am almost appalled by the lack of it today.  Call me old fashioned but I plan to teach my son to hold doors for women, give up your seat, say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am", pick up the check, etc.  I still have faith that it is not dead

 This! C already knows that "girls go first" and he'll hold the door open for me in the mornings as we leave the house. We intend to make sure he knows both apsects of it though, to hold doors, etc for those who need it regardless of gender. I'm lucky in that DH was raised to be very polite and respectful, especially of women, and he started passing it on to C at an early age. He uses 'maam' and 'sir' about 50% of the time when talking to adults and his school has reinforced that too.

I am appalled by the lack of common courtesy by adults today. I've been out and about lately with DS2 in either the infant seat or stroller and I can count on one hand the number of times someone has opened or held a door for me, etc.

starlettedir

houstonkdw:

I am almost appalled by the lack of it today.  Call me old fashioned but I plan to teach my son to hold doors for women, give up your seat, say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am", pick up the check, etc.  I still have faith that it is not dead

This.

 

I was walking back from the office the other day pushing a dolly with about 6 giant boxes on it. NOT ONE BOY of the 40+ track/football kids I asked if I needed help.  It wasn't till I got almost to my room that one boy ran down the hall to help me.

I yelled out loud that he was the only boy here at school with any kind of manners and thanked him profusely.

I then tracked down who his coach was to make a big deal out of it.

40 + boys and only one asked to help.

 

To add to that...I will teach C all these manners and also expect her to help people that she sees in need.

kreeper611

I think it goes both ways.  As a female, I notice it when guys (or anyone) will hold open a door and I thank them.  So on the opposite side, it taught me to be gracious in return.  We already work with C on the yes ma'am/sir etc.  That's manners, but I also want him to see how DH treats me - holding open doors, etc.  I want him to do that to his future dates/wife.

But if I have a girl, I also want to teach her to not expect that, but to realize that it is a really nice thing for a guy to do and thank them when they do it.  I also hold elevators & doors and in my sales role that is very important.  I'm in & out of buildings all day, so it is nice when someone holds an elevator for me - and I like to return the favor. 

melissa0312

houstonkdw:

I am almost appalled by the lack of it today.  Call me old fashioned but I plan to teach my son to hold doors for women, give up your seat, say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am", pick up the check, etc.  I still have faith that it is not dead

Couldn't have said it better myself.  

Red_Dahlia

When I first read your post title, I thought Oooooo, good question... hmmmm

After reading your post, I totally agree with you. I think it would be a much better  teach ALL children about being courteous and aware of the needs of those around them, as opposed to purposefully teaching a son to do specific things just for women. Like you said, hold the elevator for everyone, allow people to get off the elevator before you rush on (omg most adults don't get that one!), offer your seat to anyone who looks like they may need it more than you (older people, someone wiht a lot of bags, someone with tall shoes), etc.

I think opening a woman's car door is awkward and unecessary, but I do like help with my coat sometimes. Just like DH asks for help with his tie. Just like I need help with some zippers - sometimes you just need help with your clothes apparently!

almostjones

houstonkdw:

I am almost appalled by the lack of it today.  Call me old fashioned but I plan to teach my son to hold doors for women, give up your seat, say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am", pick up the check, etc.  I still have faith that it is not dead

I currently only have a daughter but if we ever have a son, yes this is something that I see as important and I agree with the sentiments by houstonkdw.

SigmundsGirl

kreeper611:

I think it goes both ways.  As a female, I notice it when guys (or anyone) will hold open a door and I thank them.  So on the opposite side, it taught me to be gracious in return.  We already work with C on the yes ma'am/sir etc.  That's manners, but I also want him to see how DH treats me - holding open doors, etc.  I want him to do that to his future dates/wife.

But if I have a girl, I also want to teach her to not expect that, but to realize that it is a really nice thing for a guy to do and thank them when they do it.  I also hold elevators & doors and in my sales role that is very important.  I'm in & out of buildings all day, so it is nice when someone holds an elevator for me - and I like to return the favor. 

Ditto. I want DS to be considerate of all people, but I think there is something to be said for learning to be a gentelman. It may be even more important in this day and age. Rules like "never hit a girl" don't seem to have been learned by some people.

TexasPaige

Before this, I hadn't really thought about chivalry...we focus on having good manners, treating people well, etc. I do think that the specific lessons of chivalry are probably better learned and understood at an older age. We will definitely try to raise two chivalrous, respectful young men.

Febbride04

"It occurred to me that no, I don't want to teach him about chivalry.  I want to teach him manners and respect for BOTH genders.  I'll teach him to hold doors open when someone is coming up behind you and let them go first. Assist people who need help, like if their arms are full or they have a stroller or crutches.  Offer his seat to someone who needs it more. Those things transcend chivalry."

 

THIS!  

Mrs.JulesH-S

houstonkdw:

I am almost appalled by the lack of it today.  Call me old fashioned but I plan to teach my son to hold doors for women, give up your seat, say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am", pick up the check, etc.  I still have faith that it is not dead

This.  If I had a boy, I would definitely terach him chivalry.

aprilprincess

while I do agree with teaching both sexes manners (which would include holding doors, giving up seats, helping old ladies cross the street..)

 I don't think ladies first/chivalry negates gender equality. I plan to teach the boys to open doors, let women order first in restaurants, etc. I don't really have a good argument for why they should do it, other then it's just nice.  or at least I can't think of an answer at the moment.

Kimmer123

aprilprincess:

while I do agree with teaching both sexes manners (which would include holding doors, giving up seats, helping old ladies cross the street..)

 I don't think ladies first/chivalry negates gender equality. I plan to teach the boys to open doors, let women order first in restaurants, etc. I don't really have a good argument for why they should do it, other then it's just nice.  or at least I can't think of an answer at the moment.

Couldn't have said it better. 

almostjones

Kimmer123:

aprilprincess:

while I do agree with teaching both sexes manners (which would include holding doors, giving up seats, helping old ladies cross the street..)

 I don't think ladies first/chivalry negates gender equality. I plan to teach the boys to open doors, let women order first in restaurants, etc. I don't really have a good argument for why they should do it, other then it's just nice.  or at least I can't think of an answer at the moment.

Couldn't have said it better. 

Jena503

I think most of it should be taught in a gender-neutral way. Everyone should be polite and help others - holding doors, giving up their seat to someone who needs it more, etc.

I'm kind of torn on the elevator one. At my office, it is very much a ladies first thing even though it's an international company in a male dominated company. And it's expected that ladies will get on and off first, so it actually makes the elevator process a little easier.

almond1123

houstonkdw:

I am almost appalled by the lack of it today.  Call me old fashioned but I plan to teach my son to hold doors for women, give up your seat, say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am", pick up the check, etc.  I still have faith that it is not dead

Hear hear.