T&P needed (long)

mrsbobcat

I thought I'd never do this, but here it goes.

My mother is dying.  I've known she would at some point because she's been sick my whole life, but it's coming closer to being that day. 

Besides her normal maladies, which are too numerous to list, she fell down earlier this week and broke her ankle.  Normally that wouldn't be so bad, but when one's health is as bad as hers even minor surgery to put in plates and pins becomes much more dangerous. 

She's at such a high risk of infection and blood clot at the moment that it's driving everyone in the family insane.  

I need more time.  My mother and I have never been close and we had a rather large disagreement Christmas 2010 that we've spoken only twice since.  To make matters worse, she's in such bad shape that I'm hesitant to call her because honestly if she started yelling at me and had a heart attack (or something similar) I'd never forgive myself.  While we don't have the greatest of relationships (duh!), I certainly don't want to be the person who pushes her over the edge which is the main reason I don't talk to her.  

I need her to get a bit better so then I'll feel safer talking to her.  Chances are that if I called her right now she would just remind me that her will is final and I'm not in it because that did come up in our last conversation! 

In a nutshell, I need my mom to live a bit longer so we can make some type of amends.  And, I needed to vent somewhere.

If you read this all the way through - thanks. 

 

 

KathrynMD

wow - gosh, I'm sorry.

Can you father or sister approach her and ask her if you can speak to her?

I would think if she really is dying, she would be eager to make amends with you too - for her own peace of mind. 

LoveLossHopeRepeat

Oh dear, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have no advice, but my heart goes out to you. I hope that you're able to get the time and opportunity you need to make amends with her before the end comes.

SarahKate31

I'm so sorry to hear this!! I hope you can find some way to speak to her and clear the air.

Petit_Oiseau

Sorry to hear this T&P for you.

Can you write your thoughts to her in a letter? I have issues with my mom sometimes, and getting to write out everything that I want to say - without interruptions or confrontation getting in the way - is a good way to get my point across. It also gives her time to digest everything on her own. Just a thought.

mrs. remy

oh wow, what a tough situation. you definitely have my T&P. I hope you guys can make peace and I hope she has a little longer.

weezie825

I'm so sorry that you are going through this!  I second the idea of writing a letter.  It might help if you acknowledge up front that you know her will is final and you don't expect her to change it, that way she doesn't suspect your motivations.

Good luck and lots of hugs.

madladybride

T&P to you. Writing a letter or having a family member intervene and both good strategies. Good luck.

vjcjenn1

I was going to suggest a letter as well

 and perhaps call her not to make amends, but let her know that you love her and hope she gets better

mrsbecky07

I am so, so sorry to hear this. 

I would definitely call her - even if a family member kind of "paves the way" first - and let her know you are thinking of her and such. 

Big hugs your way.

misscastle

I can't even begin express my sympathies to you. Losing a mother is hard enough, but your situation seems especially difficult. 

I'll keep your family in my thoughts. 

MereFM99

It sounds like a very complicated situation and I feel for you.  I don't have any advice, but the ideas of approaching her through another family member or writing a letter seem like they might be a way to start.  T&Ps to you and your mom.

Ragdolls

I'm so, so sorry.

For what it's worth, I think a letter is a wonderful idea.  If only to set the tone/pave the way for a peaceful start to things if and when you can see her in person.  You are both in my thoughts and prayers.  I hope you are able to get some sort of resolution and peace.

TheLinkBride

I'm so sorry, that has to be incredibly difficult to deal with.  I hope that you get the chance to talk to her and I think having a family member talk to her first might help.  Hugs!

gracie2762

I'm so sorry. I like the idea of a letter as well. Hugs!

smange10.10

oh i'm so sorry you have to go through this.  sending my hugs...T&P...everything your way.

i do agree with PPs - a letter is a nice idea, but i really think that having a family member pave the way for a conversation might help.  it'll probably help put your mom at ease as well.

Mella&T

Oh my goodness, I am so very sorry. So many thoughts and prayers for you during this awful time. I also think writing a letter is a good idea. She can digest whatever you need to say so that when you talk, it's a calmer experience for you both. ::huge hugs:: I wish I didn't know what you're going through. It's not easy, but just rely on your DH and family to help you through. We're here for you, too.

jcsntms06

Oh H I'm so sorry to hear this. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.