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What other's sees in my relationship...
Last night, a dear friend that I have not seen in a very long time came to visit me and knitted a sweater for DS. She lives up in the mountains where I used to live with stbxh. She witness the relationship bloom and interpreted at my wedding. We were close when I lived up there.
I had to share the news that stbxh and I are no longer together. She said she sensed something when she came into my home and her response was???
"I am not surprised"
She sensed after a few years into our relationship that stbxh was very reserved and seemed "selfish" in a way that he was not "into" me nor wanted to provide my needs.
This makes me sad to see how "messed up in the head" I was to not notice this.
This makes me happy that I am gaining self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth, and self-compassion through weekly therapy for me to change into a healthier and less dysfunctional human being and having the goal of a better quality life.
This makes me happy that I can have a do-over with the wisdom I that I have gained thus far.
Instead of being depressed about what my friend said, I am going to use it as a reminder to look for the very best after all that is what I deserve.
Just had to share....
Re: What other's sees in my relationship...
That's interesting. Some people are very intuitive. The good thing about going through something like that is that it hones YOUR intuition as well. I think that's why I've become so picky. I have this sense I get about someone even before we're really in any sort of relationship.
It's also interesting when you see things about other's relationships. There are several people in my life who are either married or getting married that I do not see good things happening for. All I can do is hope that they figure things out in their own way. Everyone has to go through it at some point in time.
When I changed my relationship back to single on FB, someone who attended my wedding sent me a PM and said,
"You know, I remember your wedding day and this overwhelming feeling of something not being right. I remember even asking you if you are sure about this. Next time don't ignore my bad feelings, okay? [
I could tell that day you weren't sure, but there's nothing else I could have said, it was in your eyes. Being young is full of experiences and some lessons are harder to learn than others. I know one thing for sure though, this experience will make it easier for you to realize the "bad eggs". Love you!"
It defnintely made me realize the need to be honest about a relationship. Before I let my feelings take over.
DS is my miracle baby because it wasn't until I had him I had my taste of love and what that feels like.
(I dd's the rest of my response in this post because it was just way too personal and I felt more akward after posting it)
I also find this interesting. I recall in the beginning of the end (the legal process anyway) thinking 1) Why didn't anyone say anything?! and 2) Why is everyone so darn surprised?
I don't really think of it that way too much anymore. I am trying to get over the why didn't I see it thing now when I think of things and am focusing on forgiveness including myself in that right now.
Thank you for sharing!
You are far from "messed up in the head"! I think you are like pretty much everybody, you are a good person who sees the good in people, your XH included (well at least at the time). Thing is this isn't exclusive to romantic relationships...I think it applies to pretty much any relationship. I know I had a friendship with someone who thrived on drama and while we were friends I couldn't really see how damaging it was. After a blow out, where I stood my ground and said "I'm done", I finally saw how chaotic it was to be friends with her and how freeing it was to be done with that relationship.
Anyway, my point is that you are doing a fabulous job of taking care of yourself and your LO and I know you'll find someone that is amazing when you're ready!!