What to do for dying mom

SpitForSpat

Hello there - 

 I'm fairly new to the nest, but thought I might be able to get some help here.  My mother had a lung transplant 5 years ago and is now in chronic rejection and has been given about 6 months to live.  She is on oxygen all the time, so can't do much, and is wheelchair bound during the rare times she leaves the house.

 I keep racking my brain trying to figure out what I can do for her.  I'm already going to her house several days a week and cooking, cleaning and keeping her company.  

Should I make her a special blanket or throw? Have fresh flowers sent once a month?  I'm stumped.  

Sue_sue

Can she do stuff? Like puzzles, games, that kind of thing?

I'd try to generate quality time. Going over to her house and making a pie while she sits with you in the kitchen, or sitting and doing a puzzle with her, or playing cards, Asking her about her growing up years, high school, favorite songs, how she met your dad, what her advice would be for X situation, all that. Get her to write things down for you; sit around and make up haikus, or play MadLibs, or Yahtzee, anything to spend your time together.

SpitForSpat

Sue_sue:

Can she do stuff? Like puzzles, games, that kind of thing?

I'd try to generate quality time. Going over to her house and making a pie while she sits with you in the kitchen, or sitting and doing a puzzle with her, or playing cards, Asking her about her growing up years, high school, favorite songs, how she met your dad, what her advice would be for X situation, all that. Get her to write things down for you; sit around and make up haikus, or play MadLibs, or Yahtzee, anything to spend your time together.

Ohhh, I really like the questions and getting her to tell stories.  Thanks! 

atlcatlover

Honestly, just spend time with her.  It is the best thing you can do for her and for you.

Sue_sue

Ask her about your baby years; get baby advice from her, ask her about marriage, or divorce (if she's been divorced), ask her about her relationship with her mom and dad, anything you can think of. She knows a lot of your story that you don't know.

sapphireblue

I was thinking the same as Sue Sue. Ask her lots of questions, get stories and history from her.

I am so sorry about your mom. 

EastCoastBride

I agree- spend time with her. That?s really the most important thing.  And I agree with SueSue ? get her to tell you stories, and ask questions!  About her, about your childhood, what raising you was like, etc. 

It?s hard to know what the future will hold, but my mom died 6 years ago and now that I have a son, there is so much that I really wish I could ask her.  Not necessarily advice (until you?re in a situation, it?s hard to know what you?ll want/need to know!), but more about my childhood, what being a mom was like back then, etc.  My dad is still alive, but he doesn?t have the memory for all that stuff that I KNOW she would have!  It?s one of the things I really regret and miss. 

Sue_sue

I'm sorry about your mom.

DancingLikeTheCrackers17

*lurker coming out for a minute*

I don't mean to pry, but do you have children or plan on having children in the future?  The reason I ask is because my grandfather passed away last year.  I am the 3rd oldest out of his grandchildren, and there are many more great grandkids to come.  Before he passed away, even though he was so weak he could barely talk, grandpa recorded one of those recordable storybooks for his grandchildren (all 9 of us got our own) to share with the children/future children.  It means so much to me to be able to share that with my future kids.  And, occasionally when I'm really missing grandpa, I listen to it myself just to hear his voice again.

Just a suggestion!

*sneaks back to lurking*

ETA: I realize you asked for advice on how to help your mom, but I know this was something my grandpa wanted to do to ensure the family wouldn't forget him.

glittergal73

Cooking is a wonderful act of love, and I am sure she enjoys that very much.  I wouldn't send fresh flowers because of immunosuppression (molds, fungi can cause complications).  Spending time together doing the things already mention sound wonderful.  Maybe you could get her an in-home massage or pedicure.  See if you can get others come and visit too, but also let her have some alone time now and then that she may need.  When my father was passing he needed a few minutes alone sometimes.  He also seemed to really want to hear what my future plans were and talk about what I would be doing.  He enjoyed listening to music and opening the blinds to look outside.  I also brought him things like his favorite tea, books, lip balm/lotion because his skin was really dry.   

Lorita

First off, I'm so sorry about your mom.  I lost my mom when I was 23 due to lung cancer. 

I'm going to echo what the others say....TIME is the greatest gift you can give her and yourself.  You have an opportunity to make sure that nothing is left unsaid, and spend time with someone that was undoubtably a huge influence on your life.

The last 3 months of my moms life, I was her caregiver, and we got to spend time, and do lots of talking.  I wouldn't trade that time for anyting in the world...

And I love the recordable story book idea.  Wish they had those when my mom was ill.  That would have been a wonderful gift...