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Looking for advice...(repost from MF)
Hey all....I usually post on TB (due to the massive watermelon under my shirt) but it was kindly suggested that I post this question over here to possibly get some additional input (our MF board is extraordinarily slow).
Apparently, I'm way out of the loop, because didn't even know this board existed...
Anyhow-to the point:
I need some input/advice on what I can expect with the task of helping my little one adapt to DH's deployment schedule.
DH's deployment schedule includes short yet frequent deployments (2 on, 2 off). Does anyone have experience or advice on how to deal with this later down the road (in terms of making it easier on LO...I'm used to it myself).
A few of the other wives in the unit have small children and I've seen it have a seemingly negative effect on them...I suppose its the frequent goodbyes and the uncertainty of it all (the soldiers in the unit are always on call) that becomes difficult to adapt to as a child....it almost seems like they are frustrated because even when their fathers finally come home, they're almost immediately turning around and leaving yet again. If there's a way to ease this frustration, I'd like to start practicing now.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated 
Re: Looking for advice...(repost from MF)
My H has a simialr deployment and training frequency. It can be tough. Honestly, though, how the children handle it has a lot to do with how the parents handle it.
We have four children. Most of my friends have at least one child. More often than not, the children who have the hardest time with adjustments are the children of mothers who have a hard time adjusting or turn around and make it all about them. There is one girl in our group who has a terrible time during deployments. She has two children. They are all three sick nearly the entire time her husband is gone. They never get out of the house and do social things. They go to school and go home. During deployments, they are hermits except for doctor apts. That is not good for kids at all.
The families who have an easier time of it, including ours, don't make a big deal out of it. My husband may be gone, but our lives go on. We talk to him as often as possible. We video chat when we can. I involve the kids in as much as I can as far as packages and letters. We only have a short window for mail, but we send something every day. J tells them their letters make all of his days happier, so they want to make sure every day he has is happy.
We also have what we call the "Daddy Wall". It is a large wall in my dinning room that we keep bare. My kids range from 4-13 yrs old. While Daddy is gone, we post pictures, school work, report cards, movie tickes and all sorts of other things on the wall so they can show him all the things they did that were important to them while he was gone. When they were babies and couldn't post things themselves, I would post pictures of milestones, footprints, notes from our doctor on how they were growing and so forth. When he gets back, he takes a little time alone with each kid so they can tell him about the things they posted on the wall for him.
He recorded a book for the kids before one deployment. When they miss him, they go and let him "read" the book. One of my youngest kiddos was convinved her daddy would stop everything he was doing overseas and read that book to her every time she opened it. She was so confused when he actually called while she was reading the book.
My point is, as long as you are positive and not down all the time, they won't be either. They'll get used to the coming and going. It is hard sometimes. There are still bad days. Just hold them and let them know it will all be ok. Talk about Daddy. Show them pictures or videos. Read the favorite books Daddy always reads to them. Eat Daddy's favorite dinner. Then do something fun to get their mind on to something else. Stay strong. You can do it. If you have any questions, I'm always around.
When DH was active duty we only dealt with long deployments, now that he has transitioned to reserves though and hates his civilian job, he is always quick to accept any mission he can get put on through his unit. This has involved many shorter and somewhat unexpected periods of his absence. Not exactly the same situation, but I can tell you how we cope.
I tend to be somewhat of a self-identified controlled freak when it comes to my kiddos and my house (probably from not having him around during long deployments) so I have to be very conscious and intentional about letting DH be apart of day-to-day household routines (cooking, bathing kids, bed time, etc.) when he is here. It's like there are always two systems in place. One that works when he is here and one for when he is gone. Being consistent in both means the kids never experience the miss of a beat.
When DH is gone we always do something during the day to make him apart of the kids routine. One tradition we have is to sit in daddy's chair and do bedtime prayers with each child saying a special prayer just for daddy.
For little, little ones there are so many cool things you could do like having your DH record books you could read each night (I have a Franklin Anybook Reader that was like $25 and lets you record books you already have), have Skype playdates with daddy whenever possible, have DH write letters or just a thought of the day you can share each with your baby, etc.
I'm sure there are many other fantastic ideas out there. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!
Can I just say how much I respect your attitude concerning deployments? I've always known that a positive attitude can change a lot for a person..."it is what you make it" has always been my response when anyone asks how it is to have my husband gone. I love the idea of the "Daddy Wall"...it sounds like an amazing way to keep the kids connected and Daddy up to date upon his arrival. This is among the best advice I've ever gotten...thank you so, so much.
That is a great idea!!! The Franklin reader sounds perfect...DH already has a book picked out to read baby Eden...I'm looking it up on Amazon now.
I think what I'm understanding now is the need for consistency and structure....which is something I already hold as high priority to keep myself sane during deployments, lol.
Thank you again...off to find myself an Anybook reader