My Fitness Story (Edited to include the story)

MissChelsea

Hi Ladies,

I know I am not a super-poster on this board, but I do read it every day at work and you guys have been a source of comfort and inspiration to me :-) I wanted to share a journal entry I wrote recently about my fitness journey. It isn't a weight loss story, it's more about my feelings about my own body. I think a lot of women can relate to struggling with those. So, if you're interested, here is. It's not that long :-)

 

http://itsybitsyguitsy.livejournal.com/134755.html 

MissChelsea

Text of the post, since that link doesn't seem to work consistently:

 

I Love My Body!I decided I better write that down, because I spent so many years HATING my body and punishing it. I am so proud that it took only 3 or so years to reach this point, after 10 or so years of struggling. By the time I hit puberty (which was pretty early) I was already obsessed with being thin, stylish, and flawless. I don't know if that happens to many girls all over the world or if it's more common in the US, but I got hit about as hard as the average woman, which is to say, I flirted with eating disorders for several years in high school/college, without ever landing in the hospital or anything.

That being said, there is a lot of bullshit you can put yourself and your poor body though that stops short of landing you in the hospital. I wasn't comfortable in my own skin, and that fundamental imbalance affected every single facet of my life negatively. I couldn't get romantic with a guy without first ensuring the lighting, my clothing, the position of my body, and whatever I ate last were all going to cooperate to display me at my absolute best-looking. That included getting romantic with long term boyfriends, not just newer guys I wanted to attract. I couldn't shop for clothing without risking a mental breakdown. Places with a lot of mirrors were generally dangerous to my psyche as well, including gyms and studios. (Think about it people. . . me having trouble being happy in a dance studio. Not natural.) I couldn't sit in class without noticing the way my pants fit around my belly, without fiddling to make sure they weren't squeezing me and creating an unsightly bulge. I couldn't eat without stressing about what the food would make me look like. Not ever. I couldn't get to know a woman without thoroughly evaluating her body - how was it better and worse than mine? How did she feel about it? I couldn't get to know a man without finding out whether or not he was physically attracted to me. How else would I know where I stood with him? I could go on, but this is depressing me now! The point is, having an unhappy perception of your own body will really ** your *** up.

I am so thankful that those days are behind me. I attribute my success at creating my current body-love to a few things. First, I started exercising HARD. I wanted to be at my fittest for my wedding and honeymoon in 2008, so I started going to the little gym at my work every day for a 20 minute run. It kinda sucked and I wasn't that enthusiastic about it, but then a strange thing happened. It got so I sort of missed it when I didn't go. I started taking some classes at the gym that were tougher than the run, and I REALLY missed it if I missed one of those. Before too long, I noticed a very direct correlation between my mood and how long it had been since my last workout. Bryan learned to ask, when I was being a pain in the ass "Would you like to go for a run or something?" The focus of the workout shifted from being about looking good to being about feeling good. *** crucial.

Thing number 2 was something that took place outside the gym. In fact, thing #2 is basically "everything I did with my life that DIDN'T relate to my body." I worked at my several jobs to earn people's trust and respect. I became part of a new social scene and made friends in different ways than I ever had before. I read books I'd always wanted to read and tried out different alter-egos until I found a style that felt right. I became a more whole person, and gained my OWN respect in the process. When you're proud of who you are, it's a lot easier to relax about what you look like.

Meanwhile, after a year or so of increasing my exercise to a steady, tough routine, I expanded my fitness plan to include eating well. I can't stand diet rules, so I never went ON a diet, but I got curious to try the healthy foods I read about online, and one by one, I sought them out. The transition from eating without putting any thought into it to eating healthfully was remarkably similar to the transition I went through regarding the reasons why I worked out. At first, I didn't really see what the big deal was. But then, I stuck with it long enough to notice that I felt kinda crappy after eating, say, Pizza Hut pizza. I tried natural peanut butter after years of resisting the idea, and after having it for about a week, I went back to the old kind and it tasted waxy and artificial. I began to crave the foods I needed to do the workouts I did - simple foods that hadn't been through much processing. Meats, nuts, fruits, vegetables. Without ever giving myself any rules, I let my diet evolve into what it is today. And people often think I am some kind of health nut ;-)

Finally, there was dance. The process of TRAINING my body, and seeing it rise in technique and musicality, was so fulfilling for me that it would be impossible not to love my body for its efforts. This part could easily transition into a whole entry about dance-love, so I'm going to leave it at that.

I can abstract all the components that went into my body image makeover into two categories: Work, and Living My Life. The work category is SUPER important. . . I don't just love my body now because I learned how. I love it because I worked hard, and MADE it more like what I wanted it to be. It's much easier for me to be proud of something I worked for than of something that came naturally. The Living My Life category is just as important. That's the part I fall back on when I miss a few trips to the gym or eat a few bad meals or get depressed and generally stop taking care of myself. Building a life that I love makes it that much easier to return to the habits that create the body I love. With the right mentality, I can meet my body halfway, and it doesn't have to be perfect for me to be happy.

I hope that, if I ever have a daughter, I can spare her the struggle I went though to get to this point. 

ImaDude

This was rather enjoyable to read. I think it should apply to all genders!

Great stuff Miss C!

MissChelsea

Haha, thank you, Dude, for the response. What a complete dud of a post!