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Text b/w me and STBX....
I texted to find out how the kids were doing b/c when I dropped them off this morning they were a MESS. STBX is going to have them today and tomorrow, and my kids didn't want to go with him. They were both crying and clinging to me, didn't want me to leave, etc. They're just having trouble with the adjustment. It's not usually that difficult, but this morning was especially hard for some reason.
Me: Are the kids doing okay?
STBX: Yes they were totally fine as soon as I left. I hope you aren't saying things to them. They are having enough trouble as it is.
Me: Ok. I hope you or your family aren't saying anything, either.
STBX: Of course turn it around on me. What else is new. I'm done talking to you LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL
Me: What? It goes both ways. You live with your parents and aunt. I was just saying that I hope the same - that no one is saying anything to them. They are having a really rough time.
STBX: Whatever!
From now on, I will just respond with "OK" and not even engage with him. This is how he was our WHOLE marriage. What is with all of the "LOLs" anyway? Geez.
Re: Text b/w me and STBX....
This is how the conversation should have gone:
Me: Good to know they calmed down. Have a good time! I will pick them up tomorrow at 5pm.Repeat this pattern as often as necessary.
I agree with others....don't engage him at all. Ever. Don't even bother saying I hope you're not saying anything either. If him and his family are going to talk trash about you, they're going to do it. You telling him not to won't stop it.
Keep your responses short and to the point. Treat this a business transaction.
I quite got the same sense reading the post as pdx18 too. I know it is really hard but try to ignore any of his snarks. He will see himself in bad light if you are not engaging in this same behavior. It will only make you grumpy for the rest of the day.
Do.not.engage.
Here's an honest question...if they kids hadn't calmed down, what were you going to do? He's their parent and needs to figure out how to calm them down and manage on his own. It just reminds me of when my LO's were still in daycare and they'd do the whole "omgpleasedontleavemehere" crying thing and the minute I walked out the door they started to play without a worry in the world.
But more importantly....do.not.engage!