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SCR: Feeding a toddler
(sorry, this got long)
It has happened - I have a picky kid. Actually, I have a non-eater. When she was around 12-13 months she tried everything - duck bacon, truffled creme fraiche, seaweed salad, tofu, etc. Anything we'd eat, she'd at least try.
Now I am the mom I never wanted to be, just pulling things out of the fridge hoping she will eat SOMETHING. If you asked me her favorite food, I couldn't even tell you. And we have tried everything - these are all things that she used to eat and now either refuses or will only eat a bite or two of - Eggs, turkey sausage, yogurt (will usually eat this after fighting), pancakes, cereal, cereal bars, cheerios, applesauce, mandarin oranges, blueberries, strawberries, tomatoes, spinach, broccoli, baby carrots, avocado, chicken cooked different ways, turkey, meatballs, peanut butter (on crackers or waffles), hummus, black beans, mac n cheese, spaghetti, various pasta shapes with different sauces, etc. The list goes on and on.
I thought at this point she would just be eating what we eat. I'm so jealous of everyone that says their kids eat what they eat. Last night we made fish, some herbed pasta, and sauteed spinach. I made her a nice little plate (she used to love spinach, has had fish before, and sometimes eats pasta, so it wasnt' like I was giving her anything new). She took one bite, spit it out, and threw the entire plate to the floor. She ended up eating a bite of cheese for dinner. That's IT. I can't even tell you how many nights she goes without dinner. And most days I have to fight to get things into her mouth. And the throwing of food... ugh, don't even get me started.
I don't know what to do to get her to eat. Do I not worry about it? I am concerned that she's not getting proper nutrients that she needs. ANy advice???? I am desperate!
Re: SCR: Feeding a toddler
Although both of my boys are not picky, my youngest isn't a dinner person. He is a grazer so I make sure he eats his fruits and veggies starting in the morning. By dinner time he doesn't eat hardly anything. Breakfast is his biggest meal and as long as he is getting enough nutrients, the dr. is ok with it!
My sister has issues with her kids. She has started to have everthing on the table and her kids dish up what they want. It has been working for the most part! Especially with kids that like choices.
Hope this helps a little!
My thought is that since she is pushing two, I'm thinking your LO is old enough to not be allowed to get up until she eats something. My concern is that if you keep giving her other food items, its saying that its ok for her not to eat what is on her plate. My daughter is four now and knows that if she doesn't eat what we have for dinner, she gets nothing else. When I remind her of that, she picks up her fork and eats some of the food. What we have also done is segmented out portions on her plate and told her she can only get up if she eats that alloted amount of food. This has worked well for us.
Also, I don't know how you discipline but I think how you respond to her throwing that plate plays a role in not eating, too. She knows if she throws it, you'll get her something else. Not saying she should eat spilled food but a discipline response to that may help to her sit still and attempt to eat. Like, if she throws it, she gets spanked or time out OR she doesn't get to watch Dora OR she gets only one book instead of two. Whatever relates to you discipline style.
First, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
Second, I agree with the above, especially the parts bolded and underlined. Katie has been a relatively good eater, but times when she refuses to eat something or claims she's done after eating the main dish but not her veggies, I'll tell her she needs to eat 2 spoonfuls of veggies and then she can be done. Most of the time it's about her trying to assert control and not that she doesn't like the food she's eating.
Does A get into the kitchen with you to help cook? That has been a BIG boon for us. Katie loves tasting the things I'm preparing because she helped make them.
We also have a rule that she needs to lick (our version of taste) something new. If she doesn't like it she doesn't have to eat any more of it but she has to at least try it. Many times she'll say it's good and have more.
Good luck and email me if you want to vent some more! We need to get together anyway.
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DS used to eat anything and everything you put in front of him. He then went through a phase where he refused to eat any meat, or anything resembling meat. He got over that a couple months later, then went through a no-veggie phase. We are now back to him eating normally, and eating nearly everything.
Just keep offering. We would offer him a few things on his plate, 1-2 of which we knew he'd eat. If he ate all of that and asked for more of that item, we told him he couldn't have it until he ate other things on his plate. This often caused a lot of screaming, etc. but eventually he would give in (usually). If food was thrown, we'd tell him no firmly. If it was thrown a second time, dinner was over. Oh and we are not above bribery, either. DS likes counting, so we'd say something like, "If you eat 12 peas, you can have some blueberries."
I do agree about letting her help in the kitchen, too. As I mentioned, DS eats most things now but there are a few he usually won't if you put on his plate, like cucumbers. He helped me make salad the other day, and he ate like half the cucumbers off the cutting board.
Thanks for all of the advice.
We have tried different things when she throws the plate. As soon as she does it she looks at us for a reaction, so telling her no doesn't work. Usually if we give her no reaction, she stops, but that doesn't seem right either (it's what my mom keeps telling me to do - reward good behavior, ignore bad with just silent non-reactive prompts, like putting my hand over her hand and stopping her - my mom works in a special ed classroom). But the throwing has been goign on for a YEAR now and some days it just makes me want to cry, andn I have! She does it in daycare, in restaurants, and at home. In daycare they have to keep her in chair with a seatbelt becasue she won't even sit at the table to eat if she's in a regular chair. And who knows how much positive discipline they are really giving her over there, even though they tell me how they handle it. Ugh. She has zero interest in eating.
I don't feel like she understands punishment yet. I have tried timeout, but I really dont' think she understands. I will try taking away some things that she loves to see if that works. Maybe I'm just being naive, but I feel like she's still too young to really get what we are getting at with punishment. Or maybe she's way smarter than I'm giving her credit for and she's just playing the oblivious role when we try to punish her!!!! ha.
She put tomatoes on a baking sheet with me last week to roast them, but after 2 she was off and running. This kid wont' sit still unless she's reading a book or watching elmo!!! I have had her help me stir soups and stews and then she tastes them and likes them. but when I put them on her plate to eat, she wants nothing to do with them. I have also tried just putting a few things out and letting her graze. She still won't eat.
I am open to all of your suggestions though and am so desperate to make meal times more enjoyable - I will try anything!!!!
Avery Corinne - Born 7/9/10 at 37w2d
At 20 months, I definitely think she understands punishment and timeouts. I'm not saying you have to use them, but if the only thing holding you back is that she doesn't "get" it, she probably does. She may not 100% understand the first time, but the second and third time she is in TO because she did something after you told her "no" she'll get it.
Of course, TOs are pretty useless for DS. He doesn't mind being in them. He is always on the go and the first time we tried TO I thought I would have to keep sitting him down, telling him not to get up, etc. Nope, he just sat there quietly. And sometimes he will say "timeout" and do something wrong on purpose. Ah, toddlers.
Love it!
Avery Corinne - Born 7/9/10 at 37w2d
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August 2012: Clomid 50mg + TI=bfn, switched RE September 2012: Redo HSG-blockage in right tube confirmed November 2012: Clomid 25mg, Bravelle + Trigger + IUI= ectopic pregnancy December 2012: emergency laparoscopy and D&C, removed right tube January 2013: Clomid 25mg, Bravelle, Trigger+IUI
I think every kid I know around my daughter's age, nearing 2, is going through this! My DD used to eat everything under the sun and now doesn't. She doesn't even want the snack food! She has lost some weight from it, which worried me since she was failure to thrive and we've had issues before, but her Ped so don't worry. They all go through it. Also, her stomach is the size of her fist so she's probably getting enough and if she has energy, she's getting enough. just make sure she gets a vitamin.
As far as discipline. I've put her in timeout a few times, but she likes it and it's so rare. All we really do is sit her down anywhere and wait till she calms down and can focus on what we're saying. 20 seconds tops? It just causes her to kind of re-set. We will also give her a firm "No." She's pretty good with sitting at the table, but she's real big on spitting food out. Once she starts that she is excused from the table while we finish.
Goodluck, fun times definitely!
She does eat about - usually a yogurt for breakfast along with a milk, and then one thing from whatever lunch I send for her (always a meat, veg, fruit and sometimes some pasta - so she usually eats a few carrots and her applesauce). She does drink a LOT of milk - 30 oz a day. I always give it to her after she eats/tries to eat so it doesn't fill her up. That's funny about doritos - she does love them! And when I get really desperate I do give her a jar of stage 3 veggies.
I will keep trying "NO!". Most of the time she looks at me, then picks up more food and drops it to the ground while looking at me. Or she laughs. I swear she's taking after my husband as a child to get him back, but I'm the one home with her all week dealing with it!!!
Avery Corinne - Born 7/9/10 at 37w2d
Talk to your ped, but 30 oz. at this age is usually considered too much milk (ours told us not to go above 24 oz.). On top of filling them up, it could also cause iron absorption issues, which you don't want, especially if she isn't eating a lot of iron.
You can also try those veggie pouches. Even when Z was in his anti-veg phase, he would suck those down like they were going out of style. Maybe smoothies, with some greens mixed in, too.
Have you talked to your ped about the milk? That could be part of the problem. Even though you give it to her after you offer the other foods she's likely avoiding the food because she knows she'll get milk once she refuses. That's a lot of milk for her age and milk fills you up fast.
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I have heard that too much milk can be a bad thing so I asked her ped at our last appt and she said it was fine. I was kind of surprised to hear her answer. I'll have to do some more reading about it myself.
I guess I just need to cut back on it though, even though she loves it so much. We have to send 3 cups to school each day so I just won't fill them all the way. I feel bad though if she doesn't eat and doesn't have a lot of milk to drink. I don't want to replace one cup with juice at this point, and she has a tough time swallowing water properly.
Avery Corinne - Born 7/9/10 at 37w2d
My Food Blog
DH and I: Both 31
HSG, bloodwork, SA-possible blockage in right tube
Continue TI July 2012
August 2012: Clomid 50mg + TI=bfn, switched RE September 2012: Redo HSG-blockage in right tube confirmed November 2012: Clomid 25mg, Bravelle + Trigger + IUI= ectopic pregnancy December 2012: emergency laparoscopy and D&C, removed right tube January 2013: Clomid 25mg, Bravelle, Trigger+IUI
I think all kids go through phases where they don't eat certain things. DS used to love cherry tomatoes...now they sit untouched on his plate.
Most of the time I fix his plate with a few things I know he'll eat and some stuff that is questionable. I won't force him to try something new - that just pisses him off and we end up fighting. But it is on the plate and he might try it on his own. If he doesn't eat what is on his plate, or at least try it, he won't get anything else. If he throws food, he's done eating and has to get down.
Our pedi has told us that they won't starve. Over the course of a day, kids will get what they need and if they don't eat dinner, odds are they're eating enough for lunch/breakfast. I don't worry if he sits down and only eats an orange for dinner. The next night, he may put away 2 pieces of pizza.
I also try things more than once. He may not like it the first day, then eat it the next. The only thing I know he will not eat without a doubt is beans. Any kind of beans - he flat out refuses to eat them. I think it is a texture thing or something.
DH was willing at first to give DS something else when he wouldn't eat what we gave him, but I've convinced him that we're not doing that. If we're eating red beans & rice - yes, I'll fix DS some mac & cheese. But if he refuses grilled chicken & broccoli (his 2 fave things) then tough. That's all he's getting & now he knows it. He'll ask for applesauce or yogurt as something extra, but I only give in if he's eaten most of the dinner first.
MaryEllen - it sounds like our kids were separated at birth. They are only a few days apart, actually.
Jack is exactly the same as your LO. It's a daily struggle that has definitely reduced me to tears.
We are fans of smoothies to get something (anything) in him. I'm also not above a chicken nugget if it come down to that. I hate it but I'd rather he have something than nothing at his age. I will say that he doesn't really seem to understand TO or "punishments" yet and I think that's just a developmental thing and we aren't harping on it right now. We will but he's not there yet.
I don't have any real advice, just sympathy! And Jack only drinks about 8 oz. of milk a day...maybe. It's awful.
BabyD went through a throwing phase. It was silverware for him. The ignoring of bad behaviour and positive reinforcement wasn't working. We had to meet it head on to make any progress and eventually end it. Still took us a few weeks. He was put in timeout, on the bottom step and near us but in a different room out of sight, and then had to come back and pick up his silverware off the floor. Then he had to get back in his seat, was told that if he threw his silverware again he was getting a flick on the hand and a time out, and then was given back his food to try again. We had some horrid nights, and he twice went to bed without dinner (reached the point where he was just too tired). Honestly, it was after that he figured out he better eat. Since he wanted to eat he figured out he better stop throwing his silverware.
If you are concerned about her getting enough to eat I would try making protein shakes or green shakes or adding things to her milk.
We opted to not make dinner time punishment and to not bribe or cajole into eating a certain amount of food. We gave DS options - eat what's on your plate or don't eat. we would however, set his plate aside and if he got hungry later we would heat his dinner back up. but no snack or alternative meal. it seemed like it took a long time and DH weren't often on the same page regarding meal struggles. (but we never contradicted each other at the table infront of DS). But I wanted DS to eat at least X amount of food and it would become a battle of wills. We didn't want food to turn into a control battle.
so, my recommendation is to punish the behavior (throwing things), but not make the punishment directly related to the qty of food that she does/n't eat.
My husband and I both read the book How to Get Your Kid to Eat, But Not Too Much by Ellyn Satter. It made us look at our son's meals a lot differently. We serve him a plate and he decides how much to eat or whether to eat at all. We don't talk about food at the table. From 12-17 months, he was similar to your daughter, now he eats most everything with a few exceptions. I personally completely ignore food throwing because my kid was loving the power of my reaction. I would clean it up after the meal when he was out of sight with my hubby or playing in a different room. We don't see that at all any more.
http://www.ellynsatter.com/ellyn-satters-division-of-responsibility-in-feeding-i-80.html?osCsid=qc3cdodqqjct2fhbhtp3usr5e3
My DD isn't a great eater at all. But I refuse to fight about it. She does decently well at breakfast (usually oatmeal or cold cereal with milk), she'll usually eat something for lunch (a sandwich or more oatmeal, usually fruit), but she often eats only a bit of fruit for dinner. As long as she's not filling up on junk, I don't really care what or when she eats.
Can you make sure all her snacks are healthy? My DD snacks on string cheese, kefir (she won't drink milk and now refuses yogurt as well), fruit, and those applesauce pouches (preferably the ones with veggies). I've stopped giving her crackers or other "baby snacks" (like yogurt melts) because she'd eat goldfish at playgroup, then not eat a meal.
You can also hide sme nutrition. I put mashed sweet potato in DD's oatmeal, and as long as I don't add too much she'll eat it. I've thought about making zucchini muffins. I tried a smoothie with spinach, but she decided she hated smoothies :-)
Good luck! :-)
This must be so frustrating. Maybe you could talk to your pedi about pediasure or some other supplement that your LO could take. I have no idea if she would like that, but it's a thought. I think a lot of toddler food issues are much more about control than they are about the actual food. I think it's really important to try not to make food a battle ground. It's just one of those things I am sensitive about. Especially with girls who can grow up to have body/food issues so easily. Anyway, I also wanted to say that I think 20 months is very young to have any strict meal time rules. Obviously, throwing the plate is a big no. I would remove her from the table if she does it. It is so hard to know how much they "get" at that age. Also wanted to say at that age we used time outs for behavior that could hurt someone else and that's it. Kicking, biting, hitting, pushing, etc. I don't know if any of this is helpful at all, but I hope things get better soon
It can be a tough road, but you just have to be firm. I decided early that I wasn't going to be a short order cook - he'd eat what we ate (aside from super spicy, etc). If he diddn't like it, it would be a "hungry night". Maybe that makes me mean, I don't know. 9 times out of 10 he'd come around and eat the dinner that was offered.
Also, I think sitting around the table together every night helps. So many families don't do that, and it's sad.
Hang in there, it's an age thing. We've all been through it! This too, shall pass. lol.