Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Wedding Vent!
Why are some people so damn tacky? I am getting RSVPs back (thank God they're sending them in), and people are writing in extra guests. WTF?! How do they not know that its not okay?
AND a few people are writing notes to me on the RSVP card about how hard it is to find a babysitter and if its okay to bring their kid, or that they're hopeful that they'll find a date by the time the wedding rolls around. Ummmm... NO! You have over 2 months to find a babysitter, if you cant find one, then we'll miss you at the wedding. And "you're hopeful?" WTMF? You didn't even get a plus one, and I'll be damned if you bring one of your many 'flavor of the months' to my wedding!
/ventover
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Re: Wedding Vent!
Ohhhh no this is my worst nightmare considering we are being so tight on our guestlist.
Ugh! Same sh!t happened to us when we sent our invitations.
One couple we invited added 4 other guests to their reply card (their grown son, his wife and two kids.) WTMF? So I definitely hear you. I don't know how anyone thinks this kind of crap is okay.
Yeah, I have to make those phone calls tonight. It just makes me crazy. I cant fathom how anyone thinks that is okay!
I actually didn't have this happen. However, my cousin and her husband hold a huge grudge because their kids weren't invited. If you'd raised your kids right and I could trust them to not be out of control, then yes, they could come. But since your children are spoiled devil spawn then no, not invited.
You are well within your rights to call them back and let them know that your invitations were for a set number of people only. Espcially if you used inner envelopes, people are expected to know that only the people whose names were on those are invited. I debated the use of the inner envelope but decided for it for this very reason.
If you have to, write an email, or call when you know they won't be home so you don't have to listen to them try to reason with you: "Hi so-and-so, I'm so excited you're going to be able to make it to the wedding. Unfortunately, we're not going to be able to accomodate so-and-so. Can't wait to see you!"
Somehow, someway we managed to completely avoid the dreaded non-invited guests crap. Well, except for one particular family: my future (and now ex) ILs. Yep, up until the day before the wedding, she kept trying to verbally invite random people. They included fellow teachers of hers, the families of her students, and an old neighbor she ran into at the grocery store.
To his credit, XH did force her to call all these people and tell them that she had run off at the mouth. I'd like to think these people wouldn't have been so classless as to have shown up to a wedding without a proper invitation, but who knows. If you ever want to rile my mom up, you simply have to mention this whole episode, or the War of the Chair Covers.
I just knew this wasn't going to happen because all of my and FI's friends know that I have zero tolerance for bullshiits and I'd call them out immediately for it. But it's not our guests. These are people that are my parent's and his parent's friends. But I'm making the phone calls because my mom would cave and say "Oh its okay" and I have a sneaking suspicion that FIs mom would do the same.
But I'm not leaving any voicemails. We will be having a conversation so that there is no room for confusion.
Good for you. Good Luck.
I didn't have this problem because I was clear on the no kids thing. I did get a response a week late that said, "we dont' know yet"
DH and I considered them a no - and then two days before the wedding they mentioned to their adult son that they'd be there. DH found out at his B-party...and called me to let me know. I had to rearrange the seating for them....then they came and didn't stay because they didnt' like where I'd sat them. I still hate them.
I was married 6 years ago. To this day, FIL is still not talking to his brother. One of the reasons was this.
We invited him to the wedding (one person... it was specified on his RSVP card). We were not having ANY children (not even FG/RB).
We received his RSVP card back. His crossed out the "1" on the number of guests line. He also crossed the part at the bottom where it noted it was an adult-only reception (call me tacky, I wasn't having effing kids at my wedding). He crossed that part out so angrily that the pen actually ripped the heavy-duty paper. Then he wrote his two kids names in along the top.
FIL stood his ground and told his brother that it was an adults only wedding and only the uncle was invited.
They haven't spoken since. There were YEARS worth of issues with this uncle (he's a total POS and my FIL is literally one of the nicest people I know)... but our RSVPs were the catalyst for their final meltdown.
I still have the RSVP... it's hanging up on the side of my stove because I think it's effing hilarious!
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Ew. People are ridiculous!
And sweet Jesus, Kuus, is that a sloth baby? I could watch those things on YouTube all day.
We luckily only had 2 like this.
The best I've seen is a girl on my facebook who's status was "Anyone want to go with me to a wedding on such and such a day?"
So glad I didn't let everyone bring plus ones to my wedding, the last thing I'd want is a bunch of strangers wondering around the place.
lol!
I guess I understand not inviting kids- I always double check to see if my kid is invited if there is ever a question. And I think that kids under the age of six or seven have no place in a wedding party.
I don't understand not inviting some kids though, and inviting others. I guess most of the weddings I've been too, all of the kids were out dancing and having fun, and there wasn't really much chance to chaos. I'd liken it to inviting an husband and not a wife.
You liken not inviting a child to not inviting a husband and wife... or inviting ONE child and not another?
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
The bride and groom can invite anyone one they want you dont have to understand why.
I invited my nieces and nephews and NO other kids...you cant understand that?
I get a kid-free wedding, but not selectively inviting some kids and not others.
To specifically not invite kids from one family, would be like saying "You know Joe, we really want you to come, but Sally's a jerk. Leave her home."
I can kind of understand that. I understand the outrage about unsolicited invites too. I have a beautiful picture of a girl at my wedding, but no one knows who she is. It's pretty ridiculous.
I had a bride tell me "I'm not inviting my cousin's kids. I think they are going to be rowdy." I think just about any parent would be irate to show up to a wedding that their kids weren't invited to and find 50 kids on the dance floor.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Why invite the parents in the first place if you don't are about their feelings and obvioulsy don't think very highly of them?
OMG, this happened to me too. I had a small wedding (~50), and one response card from a couple said they were bringing 6 people. 6! That would've put me over the number that requires private security.
I had DH deal with it - it was his side of the family.
See... this is what bothers me. I now don't care about you because I didn't invite your kids. You see a lot of the time where people invite their nieces and nephews and no other kids. Or the only kids are the RB and FG. Do you really think friends who don't invite your kids don't care about you? Would you really begrudge them inviting their niece or nephew because your kid wasn't invited?
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
No. If they make a blanket "non-related kid" statement, that is fine with me.
But, take the bride I talked to. She isn't inviting her cousins (or her cousin's kids, I'm not sure) because she thinks they will be rowdy. But she's inviting all of her DH's cousins and cousin's kids. So there will be 50 kids there, and she specifically picked two or three kids that she didn't want there.
If my friend (or cousin, or whatever) said "hey, you know, we don't like T. He's too wild. There will be other kids there having fun, but sorry, he can't come." I would consider them to no longer be my friend. See the difference?
SO and I are starting to talk about who we would invite to our wedding and we are inviting some kids and not others. My first wedding was adults only. However, this will not work at our wedding because I have a child and want him to be there. We have decided we will invite children of family members (basically our cousins' kids), but no other children. If that makes me a b!tch or means I don't care about my friends' kids, then my "friends" don't know me as well as I thought. But I know my friends know me better than that and would assume the choice was made for financial reasons (which it is).
Did you read my follow up?