Starting Over
Audg
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
**PDX** (and anyone else with a FWB!)
Okay, so I am so intrigued about this whole FWB thing. It's been such a long time since I dated or anything of the sort, so I need some help here cuz once my divorce is final, I won't want to date yet, but will prob need one of these FWB's! HAHA But, seriously I have a question: you said in the FFFC that you are so compatible with your FWB and this has been going on for 7 months.. please tell me how in the world do you keep your feelings in check? I am just asking because I know I would have a hard time just having sex with someone I was attracted to/compatible with.. and not *falling* for them. Please help.. novice here .. I need FWB advice for my future endeavors.. HAHA
Re: **PDX** (and anyone else with a FWB!)
For the one I had, it worked great. The only reason I've cut it off is because I really like this new guy.
We really just made sure we knew that is all it was. Also, he has a few (big) deal breaker items for me so I remember that and it helps. It definitely has to be someone you don't have those feelings for though. Good luck with finding one, but be careful because with the wrong person, it can get complicated quickly.
Ha! Well the no feelings part is one of the constant challenges with a FWB. And to be honest I'm awful at it! I'd be wrong to say I don't have feelings for him and sometimes I do end up hurt and so does he.
But I think why it works for us 95% of the time is because we just aren't interested in having a full-blown relationship. My best piece of advice, which I did not follow as this whole thing just kinda ended up happening, is to set up boundaries up front. Will you date other people? What is the expected frequency for a hang out? Are dates on the table or just sex?
I had a FWB for a short amount of time. I was attracted to him, but that was it. I knew that there would be no room for a relationship with him. He was into things that were definitely dealbreakers for me. That being said, he was a hottie with a lot of tattoos and the bad boy thing really turned me on.
I am not a big advocate for FWB. The thing is, it never ends well. You cannot help but get emotionally invested, you're sharing bodily fluids with someone FFS. In my situation HE liked me and got hurt and i felt terrible. I would never do it again. Sounds great in theory but it usually never pans out.
I'm going to need one of these too pretty soon. Only once did I successfully make this work and it was with a guy who was younger, hot and fun, but had zero relationship potential for me. He was immature, irresponsible and lived at home. Other than that I tended to fall into these situations with guys that I would have liked as boyfriends but unfortunately I accepted less than that from them and hoped it would change (lame). So I guess I'm on the hunt for young, irresponsible and hot!!
ETA: I agree with PP that it often doesn't end well, although my situation was carefree for me, he did end getting attached and I had to hurt his poor, young little heart eventually
Yup.. I'll take one of those!
I can see myself getting into a lot of trouble with this though cuz I def develop feelings too dam easily for someone I'm sleeping with.. I'll heed the advise tho ...I'll have to make sure it's someone I know I wouldn't want a relationship with...
I have had FWBs in the past. One I ended because I was getting feelings for him.
The other one was great. We got along great in the bedroom, but outside of it we just remained friends. We had no desire to date each other because there was a bit of an age difference (6 years) so we were at different points in our life and wanted different things. I never developed romantic feelings for him. That ended when he got a girlfriend.
I have a few FWB, but they're mainly in other cities.
There's one here, but we don't really see each other anymore, so I don't count him.
I'm often guilty of developing feelings for people I'm sleeping with, but I think the distance really helps to keep it in check. And, with all of them, we've been VERY upfront about there being NO relationship potential - this is all about the benefits part. I couldn't see myself having any sort of relationship / future with any of them, and vice versa, but there was a lot of sexual tension (and HAD been, for a long time), so we decided to act on it.
I don't know that I could handle having this sort of situation with someone who lived near me, but it's working out fine as it stands now.
"You don't get to be all puke-face about your kid shooting your undead baby daddy when all you had to do was KEEP HIM IN THE FLUCKING HOUSE, LORI!" - doctorwho
Had dinner with an old flame last week and FWB was discussed. Currently she is not on board with the idea because of the potential for mixed emotions...but she will come around.
Then don't pick a FWB that you are compatible with. I had a successful FWB with a guy who was hot, the life of the party and I had amazing sexual chemistry with. However, he was NOT boyfriend material and if I spent longer than a few hours with him, I wanted to kill him. Hot sex. No emotional mess. Viola.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
This is similar to my situation..since I travel so much for work I have FWB in a few different cities. It's easy to keep it light and fun when you only see them once a month or one every few months.
My FWB when I was living in Melbourne was a lot different because we lived in the same town and he came over a few times a week, cooked for me and invited me to his house, etc. It went on for a few months or so and feelings developed and it became complicated. I wouldn't want to do something like that again. Now that I am back in Australia I want him to visit my in Sydney and he wants to also but he doesn't know if he can handle it (doesn't want to get hurt) so we'll see what happens. I want to see him again but I understand where he is coming from.
Just curious, but why did you decide not to pursue a relationship with him? It actually sounds much more like a casual dating situation than a FWB. Is it a distance thing? Hope this doesn't snarky!
No I don't think it was snarky... We didn't pursue a relationship because we worked together and had to keep it all very secret and the distance.
He is a wonderful guy but the things that I enjoy about him as a casual fling would probably annoy me in the long term (bad with money, drinks too much, hasn't completed university, not really over his ex). Also he would not want to live in the US or raise children there... he loves Australia too much
You are right though - it was more of a casual dating situation than FWB. I hope I get to see him again but we'll see what happens.