Beating a dead horse.

kookulai

I know lack of sex between couples is a pretty well-covered issue on this board, but I'm definitely in the same boat and wanted to get your input on this particular situation.

I know my fiance has been stressed because we're buying a house and there seems to be a problem with the process at every turn. He has also said he is "bugged out that there's something in there" because I'm pregnant. I understand how these things can affect him and his sex drive, but I'm get paranoid it's just going to be one issue after the next - ie he will stressed because of maintaining the house or be bugged out in the future after I give birth 'cause something came out of there, etc. I don't want to pressure him or make it seem like relationships are all about sex, because he is absolutely wonderful in every other aspect, but I don't want to find myself with a roommate as opposed to a husband, either.

The one time I brought this issue up to him is when he told me he was bothered by the idea of having sex while I'm pregnant and also that he feels I'm pressuring him. He also mentioned during that conversation feeling inadequate because I don't orgasm often. I told him, truthfully, that I don't mind not always orgasming and I just enjoy being with him. This apparently did not mean anything to him and though he didn't outright say it, his own desires to not have sex trump my desire to have sex. As I said, I know he is extremely stressed and don't want to add my displeasure with our sex life on top of that...should I keep my mouth shut and hope this passes? And if it doesn't pass, try bringing it up again? (The house will be closed on relatively soon but I'm only going to get more pregnant in the next few months, followed by actually giving birth and being banned from sex, obviously.)

TemptressDs

I am remembering back to the college years when I took my human anthropology class. I can't remember the exact term, but along with every pregnancy there is a period where both the female and male responsible for conceiving the unborn child abstain from having any type of a sexual relationship. This is 100% natural and everybody goes through it. The length of this cycle varies and depends, but will last up to several weeks until after labor. Don't blame yourself or him, it is natural, there will come a time (sooner then later) when you don't want him anywhere near you... This is a time to build up on the spiritual and emotional side of your relationship, the sexual will be along again before you know it, (when you are up all night with no sleep and a crying newborn next to you in a crib). Trust me.

artbyallie

He doesn't sound very mature, honestly. Give him an anatomy lesson and show him he can't hurt the baby. And maybe remind him that there's no sex for about 2 months after it's born while you heal.

ETA: The no orgasm thing is a bit odd, though. Can you have one on your own? Incorporate whatever works for you into sex with him. I mean, orgasms shouldn't be the goal of sex because that puts pressure on both of you, but I can see why he feels bad if you almost never have them with him. 

kookulai

artbyallie:

He doesn't sound very mature, honestly. Give him an anatomy lesson and show him he can't hurt the baby. And maybe remind him that there's no sex for about 2 months after it's born while you heal.

ETA: The no orgasm thing is a bit odd, though. Can you have one on your own? Incorporate whatever works for you into sex with him. I mean, orgasms shouldn't be the goal of sex because that puts pressure on both of you, but I can see why he feels bad if you almost never have them with him. 

He knows he can't hurt the baby...he just thinks it's weird, which I can somewhat understand. I don't know if I'd call it immature, but I am obviously not a fan.

And yes I can orgasm on my own and with him, just not from intercourse. I will orgasm from oral, which he is willing to do, but he seems to think that his penis not being directly responsible for it makes it null and void. I think at this point my lack of orgasms honestly stems from being so worried about having one so that he will continue to be interested. It's really a vicious cycle.

BlueGirl9603

He really needs to understand that not very many women orgasm from intercourse alone.  Would he be opposed to you using a bullet vibrator while having sex?  That's what my husband and I have done for years, and he has never objected to it.  I'm still getting off during sex, I just need the extra clitoral stimulation. 

artbyallie

Uh, yeah, he's sounding more immature with the additional details. If he wants to be more involved, he can hold the damn vibe or rub your clit himself. I still recommend an anatomy lesson for him: most of his sensitive nerve endings are in the head of his penis while yours are in the clit, ergo not being stimulated by penis-in-vagina alone.

kookulai

To the above two posters...we try a variety of things and sometimes they work and sometimes they don't. I honestly don't know why he is so concerned with me having an orgasm - though it is a nice problem to have, believe me - when I have stated repeatedly that it doesn't matter to me if I do every time.

 I am much more concerned about the lack of sex in general and how to approach the subject again without causing him more grief.

Amberrrr

When I was prego I practically begged him to screw me. He got pissed off at me after a while. He told me it was awkward having sex with me while his son was in there and I could understand that too. Pregnancy is not very sexy lol. Well some people may disagree....whatever. . honestly if you just let it go he might want to have sex again. Give it a month or so. I know it's almost torture. He'll have to give in eventually.

ReturnOfKuus

When you masturbate, does the orgasm happen every time, or only sometimes?

kookulai

ReturnOfKuus:

When you masturbate, does the orgasm happen every time, or only sometimes?

Most of the time, but I know my own issues and have come to terms with the fact that it just won't happen 100% of the time.