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Need to vent (long)
I had such a great time tonight trick or treating with Jacob. ?My mom went along with me, my MIL & SIL met us. ?When SIL called to ask where we were I told her, my mom said "don't tell them" ?I thought she was joking.
They got there, my mom is being cordial with MIL & SIL the whole time. ?On the way back home (SIL & MIL are driving back to my house & meeting us there) my mom tells me "If you are going to invite them, don't invite me", she then proceeds to complain about how ghetto my nephew looks in comparison to Jacob, I actually told her if she doesn't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. ?She said why, Jacob doesn't understand me yet. ?She keeps on harping on how much effort and care I put into Jacob's things and how SIL doesn't care about her son and how it shows and how you can't make someone a good mother. I asked her again to please stop, she said she's entitled to her opinion, I told her yes you are but I really don't want to hear it, and stop complaining about something I have no control over. ?She still won't stop so I just go into lala land talking to Jacob. ?I ask her to open my door, so Jacob can wish the neighbors happy halloween, she says I will open your door but I am not staying, I said fine. ?I tried to get Jacob to give her a hug, she said it is OK he doesn't have to hug me I don't want to force him like his other Grandma. ?Again she says not to invite her if they are coming. ?
I am so disappointed in her. ?I want Jacob to be able to have both of his Grandma's at everything. ?Why is she trying to make me choose? ?She thinks I take Jacob over to MIL's 3-4 times more than he sees her. ?She doesn't like it that I don't take Jacob over to see her, but she keeps her home like a pig sty and blames it on my sister who is never home. ?When she moved this year she had trash piled everywhere even in her room, yet it is somehow my sister's fault. ?I could never take Jacob over there. ?My Dh saw her home like that, he never once said anything derogatory about her. ?
So what do I spilt up all the holidays and special events, and say sorry mom, this is MIL's event, you have to wait until the next one?
I did tell DH who is pissed off, he wants to tell her something. ?He is very understated and is not a yeller or anything. ?I think he is just hurt.
This is making me tear up. ?I have a great MIL, she doesn't meddle or anything or tell me how to be a mother. ?My SIL is a good friend to me, yes she is a space cadet where motherhood is concerned, but we all try to help her out. ?(they are mexican, DH is 1st generation american born, but they are not FOB and don't act that way or live that way).
Why does my mom have to be like this all of a sudden? ?DH & I have been together for almost 10 years (it will be 10 years in December), married for 5 years, so it is not like they are new. ?My mom used to go down to MIL's house with us to visit.?
I really feel like I need to tell her how she made me feel, but on the other hand, I don't even want to speak to her right now.
Thanks for listening and letting me ramble.?
I am just so disappointed in her.?
Re: Need to vent (long)
I totally understand. I think you really need to tell her our you feel, but dont do it right now. Cool down a bit and tell her that it is important to you that Jacob be able to have both grandmas at special functions. Tell that it will be important to Jacbb too.
I have had to deal with this same issue, but between both my parents. It is really tough. My dad is more open to seeing my mom at functions, but my mom is not open to seeing him. I have had to have numerous talks with my mom about how much she was hurting me for her behavior. Last time she did it was for Julian's 1st b-day. She was refusing to go because it was held at my dad's house.
Hang in there and know that we are her for you if you need to vent some more.
It sounds like we have the same mom! We do not have kids but the only time she has been in the same room with my in-laws was my wedding and she talked crap for weeks after!
You have to tell her how you feel. Tell her that in the end she is really hurting herself because the in-laws will always be invited so that would mean that she would be excluded from most functions. Explain to her how ridicules it is that she is going to miss out on her grandsons life and how sad that makes you.
There is more to it. ?Back in June for Jacob's birthday, she came by helped me with Jacob while I was setting up, but left before the party started, ?she said she wasn't feeling well. ?I just thought she was lying so she could go home and play war craft (She is practically addicted to the game).
She was also invited to Justin's (my nephew from SIL) 2nd b-day party & baptism. She didn't come to that. ?My MIL asked me if my mom doesn't like her. ?How do I respond to that? ?I said no it is not that, I am not sure why she isn't coming.
I am going to send her an e-mail, because when I speak to her she gets all defensive and I can't get any words in.
Thanks for listening to me.?