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Moving on
I really have been struggling this week. I have found out that the STBX is in fact dating already (we have only been seperated for two months). I have always had low self esteem but its seriously at an all time low. Between the lying, cheating and emotional and verbal abuse I am seriously feeling like crap about myself. I am trying really hard to be positive and I am trying to move on and focus on myself, but this all still hurts so much. Part of me feels like I am wallowing in my own misery yet there is a part of me that still feels like I do need to spend more time being upset about everything that happened.
I am going to counseling and have been for a few months now. I also hired a personal trainer and I work out with him once a week. I try to make it to the gym at least three times a week (lately its been more like one may two days a week). I also just signed up for Weight Watchers so I can lose this weight. I also have been signing up for a lot of overtime to get myself out of the house and keep myself busy. I am trying to reach out to people around me on my precious few days off but they have busy lives too. I am planning vacations and trips that I am going to go on by myself and I am making plans for my professional life. As much as I am working on moving forward, I still feel sad, angry, depressed. I guess the question of this post is what else should I be doing to feel like myself again and to reclaim myself esteem. I am at a loss as to what else I need to be doing.
Re: Moving on
I think you are doing all the right things! I had a similar situation...my ex started dating someone 3 months after we seperated.
I moved away from where we lived together to be closer to my parents, took on more travel for work, worked out, therapy, made some new girlfriends and traveled to see my family and friends. I listened to a bunch of music... sarah evans stronger helped me a lot. I also allowed myself to be sad and deal with the losses I incurred. I didn't get a boyfriend and I haven't dated anyone seriously because I am not ready. I do date casually and have had lots of fun but I didn't really do that until we had been split for about a year... maybe a little less?
After 3 months things were still really rough and I didn't feel much better until like 6 - 9 months. It will be 2 years next week and I have changed and grown so much. I love my life now and I am so happy that I didn't stay in my marriage with my narcassistic ex husband.
Just keep doing what you are doing and time will make it better... one day you will wake up and realize you didn't think about it for a day, a week, a month, etc. Come to this board... everyone is nice!
I understand that feeling. XH started dating the girl he cheated on me with not even 2 months after we separted, before we had even filed the divorce paperwork. It hit me hard and hurt a lot.
I started hanging out with my friends a lot more and just trying to stay busy not to think about it. It has been 3 months since I found out. I am at the point where I just don't care what he does anymore. As long as it does not affect DS, it is not my concern.
I say this to tell you that it will get better. One day, you won't even care that he is dating or whom. Just go one day at a time and remember that you are better off without him.
I'm sorry. I know it's hard. My ex started dating someone and moved in with her three months after we broke up (and I had a four month old baby at home). I did get the last laugh when they broke up and he moved out two months later though.
You're doing all of the right things. Keep yourself busy, eat healthy, exercise, see a counselor. The only other thing you need is time for yourself to heal, and unfortunately you can't speed that up at all.
Just try to focus on you and your life. Don't worry about what he's doing or who he's with. If he was that much of an a-hole, you should feel sorry for whoever his next victim is.
This completely! Lots of hugs going out to you, its definitely tough to get through! But you will get there.
I'm sorry you are at the point you are at, but please know it will get better. Especially with all you seem to be doing for YOU -- that is so important right now.
My ex left me for his mistress. It was so hard at first. Why her? What did she have that I didn't have? Was it because she was skinnier? Prettier? Smarter? Once I got past all that and started focusing on me and my ds, I was in a much better place. I met her because she lives with ex now and is around my ds. No, she isn't prettier, or smarter (skinnier ... yes). But she WORSHIPS him, because he is 10 years older than her and she thinks he will take care of her (which I know he can't, because I supported him for 11 years). And it feeds his ego in a way I would never do, because I am my own person. Once I learned that THAT is what she has that I don't, I realized that life without him is much more fun and rewarding. And now, I can't help but laugh a bit when I see that he is struggling financially and can't keep up with the lifestyle he apparently told her she could have with him.
You will be sad and angry and depressed for a while. I remember crying in the bedding aisle of Target when I went to pick out new bedding for myself after ex moved out. But that will fade as you start to realize all you have and how much better and stronger person you become.
Um I think we are twins down to Sara Evans music
Albeit the moving part, I did all of the same exact things. Working out, reconnecting with friends, therapy, and/or taking up new hobbies is crucial. Sign up for a local class like tennis (this is what I did) to meet new people. Dress up and go out with friends. I also kept a gratitude journal every day which I feel really helped me.
P.S. My EXH was engaged three months after our split
Tea Time for Lulu