Relationships
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Husband Refuses to Wear Condom, Doesn't Want Baby Either
There are a variety of female controlled non-hormonal BC methods: IUD, diaphragm, cervical cap, and FAM.
Is your husband supportive of your desire to not work right now? By cutting off your ability to pay for your basic needs, it sounds like he's really not okay with you having quit your job to concentrate on school. Have you guys talked about this?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
FFS when DH and I were just dating (Not living together, not married, not engaged, but dating) he had no qualms about ponying up the cash for BC by either springing for condoms (Which he wasn't a fan of, but dealt with wearing anyway at times), or on months when I was short on cash covering some (Sometimes all) of the cost of The Pill. I never asked him to, he just understood that if I got pregnant, that was on both of us.
I'm completely baffled that your husband won't "help" pay for BC. If he wants to have sex and not have a baby, it's half his responsibility to make sure that doesn't happen.
And if you really believe that being on the pill at 24 years old can screw up your reproductive health for life ... and that pull-and-pray is just as effective as actual NFP charting, then you really need to have a long talk with your doctor, because you are incredibly misinformed about how your body works.
I'm more than willing to start validating people's ideas when they start having ideas worth validating
"As of page 2 this might be the most boring argument ever. It's making me long for Rape Day." - Mouse
/dies
The obvious answer is to go anal only until you're ready for kids. That way you can't get pregnant and he'll feel even MORE emotionally connected to you during sex because your colon is closer to your heart than your vagina.
+~*~*~*~*+prolapsed anus+*~*~*~*~+
There's no way in hell my H would be having sex with me without protection because we're not ready for kids yet either. And I can't use any kind of hormonal bc because the other medication I'm on renders it useless (and seriously screws with my period to add insult to injury). So we use condoms which H doesn't love but he deals because we're a team and have a common goal of no kids for 1-2 more years.
Your H is a douche. Good luck with that.
Natural Family Planning is a crap shoot, honestly. You have to be RELIGIOUS about temping and monitoring your cycle. I do not use birth control (the pill etc.) but prior to have Abby (see signature) I did charting to avoid for 8 years. We currently use condoms, and chart to avoid.
If you feel that you cannot commit to charting to avoid and monitoring your cycle completely then look into getting an IUD or Depo shot. The pill made me into a depressed monster with mood swings like the devil. I just couldn't tolerate the side effects, so I can empathize with you there.
If your husband won't wear condoms then that is something he has to get over, plain and simple. H has always been great about condoms ever since we've been together. The result has been decent family planning, but your husband sounds like he is being a royal jerk about it.
I don't understand how condoms can affect his ability to be emotionally invested in the sex. That whole ship starts loading the minute you start getting it on, way before you put a raincoat on it. That sounds like an emotional hangup your H needs to work out with a trained mental help professional, honestly. Sex with or without a condom should be completely emotionally involved.
I would stop having sex until you can work this bit out, honestly. If you get accidentally pregnant it would make things even more crazy than they already are. Stop fooking around and get this worked out before you get busy with him again.
RETHINK him, based on this.
If you don't want to rethink him and you think he'd be a wonderful dad --- IMO he would NOT --- try a diaphragm or cervical cap.
And he's FOS about the condom excuse. He probably won't pay for those, either.
OP, you have hopes and dreams for your future, and you don't want children until you are ready. Shiiity husband aside, don't let children just "happen" to you- take your reproductive health into your own hands and visit Planned Parenthood or a low cost clinic. If you are in school, I would hope there were some low cost options available for you. A non-hormonal IUD may be a good option for you.
Once you take charge of your reproductive health, I wish you luck dealing with a husband who wants considers protection a responsibility just for you.
Im sorry, I thought it as clear it was my opinion. I also wasn't going to spout off that there isn't a shred of scientific evidence since I personally haven't done any research on it
As for willy nilly, it's worked for 3 years so far, and considering I seem to get knocked up if my husband looks at me wrong, I considered it a viable method of birth control. Of course, THAT IS JUST ME.
I also suggested in my very first post to look into TCOYF, implying there is more to it and to research it herself. That is more productive TO ME than writing wall-o-text about reading your body. I'm not going to argue anymore regardless, there is a much larger issue of her husband being a douchecanoe and OP needs to focus on that.
Not only is this hilarious, but I am also embarassed to say it kind made me think about some raw dogging tonight.
Haha, mine's in my avatar.
Pony up the money (it's your money too, not just his) or don't sleep with him. Simple as that.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
As I was told in 7th grade sex ed class, the only 100% pregnancy proof behavior is abstinance. Now, if you are going to have sex... you need to use something! I was on BCP and we used condoms when I was terrified of being PG. You do know all of this I am sure, but you seem to not be thinking logically about all of this...and you can't be stupid getting a masters degree.
I mean, I don't get why you need to be off the pill, since I've know people who started as a teenager and got off of it at age 24 and got PG first cycle off of it. And the whole condom refusal thing about connectedness....totally BS. I had a guy tell me when I was in college, that it isn't THAT much different, so refusing to wear one is really BS! And he isn't even saying the sensation is too different, he wants to fight on emotions of connectedness...what crap!
And if he is this selfish now, oy... have fun being a "single" married mom... it isn't easy to have a selfish hubby and a needy, helpless baby. Good luck.
MASTERS in Public Health.
Where the F is she getting her degree where she can be this misinformed about a true public health issue and be getting a masters. JFC JFC JFC
Not to be rude OP, but seriously, if you are this misinformed about health issues and you are seriously still with someone like your H please reconsider school, it seems to be not working out for you.
If you don't want to use BCP and your husband doesn't want to use condoms, then you guys should look into the diaphragm or cervical cap.
There will be a one time cost for the fitting and a reoccurring cost for the spermicide, but an internal barrier method that you can control seems to be your best option.
And read this:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control/birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
Yes, we talked about it very thoroughly; I was a nanny and the hours I was required to work were not allowing me to finish school. We have a small department at my college and most of the classes are only offered at one time, during one semester. It's not really my desire, and not working is driving me crazy - but at this point, I only have a month of this garbage left.
As far as IUD, I have asked my midwife and other GYN's about this and no one will put one in unless you have previously had a child due to its ability to tear your uterus.
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
Okay, I'm not misinformed. At 24 years old I would have been taking hormonal birth control for ten years; birth control has been directly linked to reproductive issues especially in women that take it for extensive periods of time. Since I, myself, have experienced some of these issues, such as having a breast tumor the size of a large doorknob removed at sixteen, I think I've been more than fair. It has also been linked to an increase in cervical cancer and breast cancer.
As far as knowing how my body works, I am quite aware that 'pull-and-pray' is not as effective as actually using a birth control method.
Why do people assume they know everything and that everyone else is misinformed or moronic?
So all your issues with birth control aside, have you told him that you're not willing to have sex with him unless there's some form of BC, either on him or in you, if he helps pay for it? I'm not usually one for ultimatums, but I'd probably make one in this case.
16-14=2. Your breast tumor was not caused by your "prolonged" BCP use. Why is 10 years a magical number? Does year 10-11 pose some identifiable risk greater than year 9-10? Is it worth giving up your education plans for this arbitrary deadline?
Also, if you can't afford BCP, why the hell are you buying a dog?
"That chick wins at Penises, for sure." -- Fenton
This. Why are you married to this asssssss? Why!??
p.s You are completely ignorant about the affect of BC on your ability to get pregnant. Do some CREDIBLE research.
SOOOO agreed. Sorry to beat you up, sweetie--because everyone seems to be saying the same thing Normal 0 --but your husband is being absurd, and so are you. There's absolutely no risk in being on hormonal birth control for an extended period unless you have blood clot issues, in which case you shouldn't get on it in the first place. Just read this: http://www.livestrong.com/article/23064-birth-control-effects-fertility/ (And I just choose this link because you've probably heard of Livestrong but have no strong political opinions about them one way or another.) There may be a delay in ovulation for a while after you go off, but studies show that eventually, you'll be back to the same level of fertility you had before. And there's no guarantee that there will even be that delay. There's also no increased risk of miscarriage if you get pregnant just after going off birth control. Also, hormonal birth control will be free for everyone soon, anyway, so your husband not wanting to kick in shouldn't be an issue, either (financially, anyway--there are other issues there). So stop being silly!
And on the condom issue, I'm sorry, but the whole excuse your husband's giving you about emotional connection sounds like the kind of bulls**t that a high school boy would give his sweetheart in the back of a car. You have to stop being so deferential or you'll end up pregnant. I recently accidentally let my pill prescription run out, and my boyfriend and I missed the intimacy of going without condoms, but we NEVER considered attempting pulling out because we're grad students and have no plans for a family in the immediate future. (We can't even afford to get married, so babies are WAY off in the distance.) If your priority REALLY IS staying childless, you have to call him on his s**t and either start using condoms or stop sleeping with him. It's not blackmail--it's not like you're trying to convince him to buy you a new TV or admit he was wrong about an argument or something--it's about protecting your future, yours AND his. And if he can't understand that, he doesn't deserve to have babies with you when the time is right.
Good luck! I wish you all the best.