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NDR house guest do you change
I know a lot of you have house guests and I was hoping you could help me or tell me I am wrong and lead me down a happy path. My and my mom have totally different living standards. A prime example is she will eat in her BEDROOM and leave the plate there all night and then maybe sometime during the following day take it to the kitchen. That is a no go at my house in my house you can eat in the kitchen at the bar or on the deck.. some family nights we will eat in the family room but that is rare. Do I tell her what is not welcome? I dont want her to feel uncomfortable but at the same time there are things I hated to see growing up and I dont want to have to see it now in my own home. Now mind you when I am at her house she has no "rules" that she lays down for me when I go.
Do I say something now or blow up later or just let it go?
Re: NDR house guest do you change
Is it only for a few days? If so I just let most anything go.There are very few things worth the family drama that will ensue by speaking up over a difference in living standards for a couple days. My Mom loves to make a mess of my kitchen and my sister leaves a trail in her path wherever she goes. It's not me nor something I'd do but hey, they're comfortable, relaxed and we're all having fun so whatever.
Now in the longterm I'd have a different opinion. I cracked down on Kranikan (our E. student) because he left popcans and plates in his room for days. We had a long discussion about how we eat in the kitchen only, he can't leave his bathroom a wet mess etc. etc. etc. blah blah. But he lives here a whole year..he's not really a houseguest by that point.
If it's a short-term visit, stay quiet.
If it suits your personalities, you can tease her about the dishes. I tease MIL about the unbeleeeevable amounts of crap she brings to, and spreads all over, my house for just a quick weekend stay. She has taken the hint over the years and has learned to keep much of the crap in her room where at least I'm not tripping over it and looking at it.
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I feel your pain - my mom does the same kind of stuff. I think it depends on your relationship with her. I have a reputation for being the type-a kid who likes everything just so. When she comes to visit and I tell her that she will close the door when she uses the bathroom, wipe up crumbs if she drops them, and turn the TV OFF before going to bed so that it doesn't stay on all night, it's not a surprise to anyone.
If you don't feel like you can be that direct, you could find ways to be subtle. E.g., tell her you've recently noticed ants in the house and that you were hoping she could make sure any eating takes place in the kitchen.
I have rules that apply to most guests...but when it comes to my parents or my ILs...they pretty much can do as they please. The way I look at it, I spent 18 years under my parents roof. I probably put them through that phase where they couldn't have anything nice even if they could afford it and then they couldn't afford anything nice because all the money went to me and my siblings...I'm sure I left my laundry around, dishes in the sink, in my room, on the table, scattered throughout the house, empty milk carton in the fridge...you get the picture.
My parents live on the other side of the country know and I see my mother in 2-3 week spurts every 3-4 months. She's the person that raised me and as such I think she's earned the right to come into my home and treat it as her own as I did the house I grew up in.
These are solid points.
OMG a plate sits in the bedroom for a full 12 hours OVERNIGHT before she takes it back to the kitchen?!?
Clearly, you can tell where I fall in the debate.
She's your mom. Unless she's staying long enough to trigger a pest infestation, let it go.
DS1 born June 2008 | m/c at 9w March 2011 | DS2 born April 2012