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Why women lose interest in sex (with their partners)
We need a change of scenery around here. So..sex!
I added that to the title because I think that is what the article is really talking about. Not women losing interest in sex in general, but losing interest in sex with their partner over the long-term.
New research is demonstrating what many people already knew from experience: Women lose interest in sex over time, while men don't.
The finding has the potential to help couples, the researchers said. Knowing that many women's sexual desire diminishes over the course of a relationship could encourage both partners to be more realistic about their sex lives, and could help them weather the changes in desire as they occur.
Sex researchers Sarah Murray and Robin Milhausen, both of the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada, asked 170 undergraduate women and men who had been in heterosexual relationships for anywhere from one month to nine years to report on their levels of relationship satisfaction, sexual satisfaction and sexual desire. Desire was scored using an established model called the Female Sexual Function Index, which ranges from 1.2 to 6.0.
The participants reported being generally satisfied with their relationships and sex lives, but women reported lower levels of desire depending on the length of their relationship. "Specifically, for each additional month women in this study were in a relationship with their partner, their sexual desire decreased by 0.02 on the Female Sexual Function Index," the authors wrote online Jan. 23 in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.
In fact, relationship duration was a better predictor of sexual desire in women than both relationship and sexual satisfaction. While the 0.02 decrease in female desire was small, it contrasts with male desire, which held steady over time, the researchers said. [6 Scientific Tips for a Happy Relationship]
Evolution of desire
Scientists have disagreed on what happens to desire over the course of a relationship. "Some researchers suggest that both men's and women's desire would decrease over time as relationships move from passionate love to compassionate love," said Murray, the lead study author and a doctoral candidate in human sexuality.
Yet evolutionary theorists predict that male desire should remain perpetually high in order for them to produce many offspring, while female desire should decrease as their attention turns, historically, toward child-rearing.
The new research points toward the latter theory, although longer-duration studies on different groups of people are still needed, Murray said.
Men consistently report higher levels of sexual desire than women. Differences in levels of hormones ? testosterone, specifically ? are believed to at least partially explain the gender divide.
Hormonal changes that occur as couples move from the passionate early stage to the compassionate later stage into monogamous relationships sometime between six and 30 months may also mediate changes in desire over time. Pharmaceutical companies are currently researching the impact of testosterone on women's desire, but so far, the results have been inconclusive.
Hormones are only part of the story, Murray told LiveScience. "Although they are one piece of the sexual desire puzzle, focusing too heavily on hormones can remove the contextual factors that play into desire, such as whether or not a woman is in a satisfying, loving relationship, and if she has time to feel relaxed, playful and sexy," she said.
Keeping the spark alive
The results could help researchers understand why women who seek sex therapy complain of low desire more than any other problem. Differences in levels of desire within couples, known as desire discrepancy, is a growing area of interest for therapists.
"The concept of an absolute level of 'normal' or 'low' sexual desire is being replaced by the view that low sexual desire is relative to one's partner's level of desire," Murray said. But although desire discrepancy is known to negatively affect overall sexual and relationship satisfaction, very little else is understood about it, such as whether it contributes significantly to infidelity or breakups.
The new research could also help couples manage their relationships over time. In an earlier study, Murray found that women who reported more realistic expectations about what sex would be like in a long-term relationship also had higher levels of desire than those with less realistic expectations. "I think that individuals who expect to maintain the high level of excitement and passion that often exists in the first few months of a new relationship are setting up unrealistic expectations about what is to come and will be more disappointed when the desire and passion take on different forms," she said.
She added that normalizing the fact that sexual desire may decrease over time may help both sexes to understand that this decrease does not necessarily mean anything is intrinsically wrong with their relationship, and may help couples put more effort into their sexual relationship.
"When an individual has had sex with their partner over the course of many, many years, it takes creativity and openness to keep things fresh and exciting," Murray said. "Making time to be together and keep one's sex life as an important part of one?s relationship is very important, and putting in effort and keeping things fun and interesting are crucial components."
A long-term trend?
The researchers cautioned that longer-term studies of desire that include older couples could show different results. Younger women may report decreased desire as they experience their first relationship move away from the "honeymoon phase," for example.
They may also not have experienced some of the benefits of longer-term relationships that may increase desire, such as going on romantic vacations, getting engaged, learning more about their sexual likes ? and feeling comfortable sharing those likes with their partner. [5 Ways Relationships Are Good for Your Health]
Murray added that the self-reported nature of the study could have also skewed the results. "It has been theorized that men may be less inclined to admit that they have low desire as this is considered against male gender norms and masculinity," she said. "Thus, it may be that men are not accurately reporting their level of desire and they may too experience a decrease." Murray is preparing to study whether men accurately report their levels of desire.
Re: Why women lose interest in sex (with their partners)
Ok, proud moment - I know these girls - and we talked about this research all the time!!
Me too. Mainly because my approach of just asking H " wanna fv$k?" may not be the most romantic delivery.
This article rings true to me. It has always suprised me how much H has not wavered in his desire for sex. Never even after 10 years of sleeping together. But me on the other hand my desire goes in waves. Both of us are equally attractive and talented in the bedroom so I don't think it is because I am more desirable.
I like the biological aspect and it was something I have always wondered as well. Woman are naturally trying to protect themselves from constant pregnancies and men are wanting to spread their seed. Also anecdotal, but I am much more willing to have sex during a pregnancy rather than when I am not pregnant. Is that my hormones telling me it is okay you have already done the damage lol?
This is actually one part of the article that made me raise an eyebrow. I am usually the one who wants it more, and H seems to want it the most when I am unavailable to him. The times I am practically tearing off his pants, he's all, "Meh." Wait for me to get the stomach flu, though, and he's got raging boners 24/7. WTF. We both agree, however, that he wanted it a lot more in the "honeymoon" phase.
I know from talking to a lot of my friends that many women lose desire because while their partner might still want it, he doesn't want to work at it the way he used to. Let's just say that some of them turn into Minute Men. I don't know how much desire anybody would have for a brief, frustrating experience. I think this accounts for the large number of older, married women I see when I visit the adult store (as opposed to the stereotype of 18 year old guys only shopping there). Heck, I suppose to some people I am an older, married woman when I shop there. It makes me curious about if they measure desire as specifically for a partner or for any sexual pleasure at all.
Reading the bump and some boards on the nest, I wonder if many women don't lose interest because of how useless their partner turns out to be.
The stories these women tell, I wouldn't fuuk that dude either.
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I think this is true for A LOT of relationships. They can tend to get monotonous and a lot of men don't care how they do it, just that they do it where as women need more spice than the same thing every time.
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I've run across theories that the "seven year itch" is around the same time that the first child/children would be a little more self-sufficient and past the high risk of early childhood mortality, so the partners could split and find new partners. Historically, this is not necessarily a bad thing considering it would increase genetic diversity. Also related, (I'm pretty sure I read this in Sex at Dawn) that desire for a single long-term partner naturally declines, possibly as a biological drive to avoid incest as it's not a good idea to have sex with someone you know too well.
The one thing I am missing from the study is whether they are measuring sexual desire specifically for the partner or in general? I feel like there there may be social pressures for women to not admit to sexual desire for another partner, and while there is pressure for men not to take other partners, the expectations just seem...different.
Yeah, that too. Feeling sexy and desirable does wonders for my sex drive. Meanwhile, it's been awhile and we probably should, eh
I also wonder what the comparison would be by age group. I feel like I have been taught so much more about sexuality and how to ask for what I want. I would assume that leads to more sexual satisfaction with my partner long term if I feel there is an open line of communication. And at least with my experience men are very open to a woman giving some direction or asking for certain things.
But then I think of my mom's age group. I don't think that message exsisted for them especially in their early years of partnership. Did that have an impact on their desire to trend more to a companion partnership rather than continue a sexual one?
I think there has been a generational shift and I wonder how that will play out long term?