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Re: Ask a 300 lb. Nestie
I would agree with you there.
I think you can also add the practicing religious (of any religion) but I definately think overweight people have it much, much worse in terms of how more freely people feel in mocking them and to their faces no less.
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At my highest, I was 305. I have a picture:
I was out EATING!! IN PUBLIC!!!
And this is me with my family. I'm so fat, I SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO HAVE A FAMILY!
I had weight loss surgery a little over a year ago, and I'm still over 200 lbs, but I look and feel better and I can run on the treadmill. But according to most of the country, I'm still disgustingly obese. And I don't care because I know I'm healthy and I'm happy to be me.
My stomach looks like a bulldog's face that's been shot repeatedly. And I fcuking dare people to stop making clothes for fatties, because I will walk around booty-ass naked and no one wants to see that.
I'll answer this too, and I know you're not a fat shamer. Don't sweat it.
I've been overweight since I was 3 (which I know I've mentioned before). Just last night, I found a picture of myself in the only 2 piece bathing suit I've ever owned from what I was 7. It is adorable because I'm a child and a cute one, but I am quite fat. My mom was horrified that I wanted it, and refused to buy it for me until I begged. Don't worry, I've known I was fat from my mother since I was 5 or so.
I went up and down, was a 14/16 in high school (between 190-200 lbs), but finally a good serious run at an eating disorder in 12th grade made me about 170 lbs, and a size 12. I looked amazing. I worked out all the time, danced, and spend a lot of time throwing up. I was still obese.
In college, I finally was allowed to eat all the foods that had been denied to me by my parents, and I gained. A lot.
My husband (not then a husband) found out about the eating disorder and helped me stop and seek help.
I was a size 18 by sophomore year, and lurked up to a 20 my junior year. All of this was marked by at times some weight loss in between, but then I'd gain it back.
I continued to go up, and topped out at a 22. Then I'd go down again. I got to be an 18 again a few years ago. Then I went up again.
I'm currently doing pretty well counting calories. My hopeful brain says this time it will stick, because I'm trying to lose weight so that I can have a safer pregnancy before too long. My cynical brain is sure I'll fail again.
It's a constant cycle of self loathing and food lust and all sorts of complicated feelings wrapped up in self worth. Truly, a joy.
Jesus, your story is eerily similar to mine.
Mine too, except I was a normal weight until fourth grade.
Honestly, I really appreciate this type of discussion. I don't really get weight issues, and I know I'm lucky. So, I find myself torn between thinking "just put down that cheeseburger" and knowing it's really not that simple at all.
So, the follow-on question, what would it take to maintain the current weight? What would it take to lose? What kind of support do you want from your husband or from another resource?
I actually made it through Jr. High at a normal weight, but that is because I am tall and I got my height super super early. Not because I had a healthy relationship with food.
I'll ask a question. I'm hoping it doesn't come across as mean. I figured you are open to anything since you started the thread.
What does an average day of eating look like? Also, how much activity do you get?
And also, is this diet a maintenance diet, a diet for weight loss or one that is causing you to slowly gain over the years?
Um, I'm not a "fattie" or in denial and I'm pretty sure self-control is not THE issue. Did someone say that in the obesity thread?
Heck, right now I'm lacking all self-control while I work at my desk job...drinking a mini-coke, just ate a brownie, and I'm now starting on a couple of pieces of buffalo jerky. Pretty sure none of those are healthy and I already had breakfast and lunch today.
My question for the OP - Do you like to exercise? Do you miss it? I assume you have very little "me" time with two young kids and a job (at least I don't have much time for it and it sucks).
Are you united with the CCOKCs?
There is a whole thread about self-control, and it was in the title. Not sure if you noticed, but my post was TIC.
Please be seeing this thread: http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/2/64836609/ShowThread.aspx#64836609
40/112
My husband does whatever I want him to. He NEVER makes me feel bad about my weight, and doesn't bullshiit me either. He loves me at this size and any size, and always makes me feel beautiful and sexy. He will support me eating whatever I need to (and often does the cooking and therefore cooks low cal for me). If it works out, he goes to the gym with me. He kind of deserves of medal for how awesome he is because it has caused a lot of issues for me personally, and he's had to deal with all of that.
I have no desire to maintain my current weight, but I'm sticking to no more than 1600 calories a day to lose. So far, so good.
I'll happily answer this, too.
I was first told I was fat when I took ballet class as a kid. I was definitely in elementary school - I think 4th grade - when I went on my first diet. I was given a part in the nutcracker and they wrote "weight determination" next to my name on the casting sheet, that was posted up a bulletin board for everyone to see who got what part.
I was eating my diet food at lunch at school - things like fat free cheese on my ham sandwich - but it didn't do anything then give me a total complex. I was also really not what I would consider "fat" at that point - probably just a little chunky for an 8 year old.
When I was in high school I considered myself curvy but obviously had to leave my previous ballet school because of all the fat shaming. I never wanted to be a professional ballerina, but literally my ballet teacher would pinch my sides. When I was in 9th grade I was a size 6. I am 5 feet tall and probably weighed 100 lbs at that time, and I was pretty muscular. By the time I graduated high school I weighed about 120 - but again, I am only 5 feet tall so keep that in mind.
I put on the freshman 15 in college and was about a 12/14 through freshman and sophomore year. I went to Europe and did a lot of hard drugs my junior year and dropped from about 140 back to 120. At that point I was still a size 12ish.
I put weight back on after I came back to the US, quit hard drugs and resumed my natty light diet my senior year of college. When I graduated college I weighed about 150. I remember distinctly one evening i was out for a run my senior year of college and some kids yelled at me from a moving car, "run fattie, run." I was mortified and burst into tears.
I was very active in college and played rugby for all four years, plus did modern dance in college. In high school I was a cheerleader, played field hockey and lacrosse and went to ballet class 2-3 nights a week.
After college I became a coach potato and got up to 175 lbs. I then did weight watchers and got back down to 150 lbs. Then it went back on and then some, and somehow the next thing I knew I was struggling to buckle the seat belt on a plane and weighed 200 lbs. It just happened, slowly but surely, in the span of about 3-4 years.
At my highest I got to 230 lbs and had a serious health complication called intracranial hypertension. This happens amongst young obese women but no one knows why. Basically you have constant headaches and ringing in your ears because the pressure in your skull is too high. I got down to 195 with diet and hard work, but now I am back up at 200 and struggling to get back down again.
My weight is a constant battle and I thnk about it on a daily basis. I feel all black and ugly inside because of it. I am always hungry, and I have been eating 1200 calories a day for 12 weeks and have only lost 4 lbs. It sucks.
My goal right now is to get back to 150 lbs because that sounds manageable. At 150 lbs my BMI will still be 29 - which is overweight but not obese.
The end.
Trains Across America
Would you like to buy my condo in Salem?
Wait wait, really? I also have this condition. I am in remission currently, but I was diagnosed at 15 (and much thinner). Are you still medicated? I was on Diamox for 3 years, but have been med and symptom free for like 10 years. I had to practically cut off my arm to get on hormonal birth control because there is also a hormonal component.
I want WLS, doctor's guidance, pills, a trainer, or something, none of which is he thinks is necessary.
My weight is a constant battle and I thnk about it on a daily basis. I feel all black and ugly inside because of it.
It's a constant cycle of self loathing and food lust and all sorts of complicated feelings wrapped up in self worth. Truly, a joy.
As someone who just recently hit her all-time high weight, I echo these sentiments. I think this is what I'm referring to when I say that people who haven't seriously struggled with their weight likely can't understand. They probably can't understand facing every bite you put in your mouth as some sort of grand moral decision. I am a bad person because I ate xyz. I hate myself. These types of thoughts run through my head. All the time.
I get maybe 30 minutes activity a week. I do all the housework, chauffer kids, etc, but I don't go to the gym or workout.
An average day of food is way too many calories, diet cokes, snacks, and constant eating in front of my computer. I hide food and eat in my car. I get McDonald's or Dunkin food as many times a week as I can hide from my husband.
My eating is disordered, as I would wager most 300lb women's is if they are being honest and don't have a medical issue.
I could probably lose if I ate as much of healthy foods as I wanted. If I cut out fast food, fried foods and beef I'd lose even if I ate unlimited salads, chicken and fish.
I think I'm over 2,000 calories per day. Objectively I know this is abhorrent, and yet, in the moment, it doesn't bother me.
Ah, yes, the plane seat belt. I can fit in a plane seat. I put the arm rest up if I travel with my husband. But that seat belt is a PITA. It fits, but only with about 0 extra left. Pull tight across my lap? WTF does that mean? It's secure, already, I promise.
I might need to look into this headache thing. I've thought I've been getting hunger migraines (makes eating less really fun, I can tell you), but I might need a work up on that.
Also, my goal is around 155-165. Technically overweight. Obese, if you read this morning's news. I was 155 when I was 14 and I was a size 12. I think that would be manageable for my body.
I have also struggled with disordered eating. But good luck trying to convince society that there are eating disorders that actually make you fat.
40/112
I feel like I've moved beyond this into "I just don't care" land. It's all shitty.
Another question. I think a lot of you have hit on having food issues from childhood. What did your parents do wrong, could anything have prevented the gain so early?
I do not like to exercise, have always hated running and dancing and I don't miss it.
I'm a fattie and have been a long time, and I'm willing to answer this.
I'll do the last 24 hours or so.
Yesterday's dinner was a mexican-ish thing. The family was having soft tacos. I took (brown) rice and put on it with spinach, seasoned beef, sauteed onions and peppers, lf yoghurt and jalepeno flavored goat cheese on it. It was in a bowl that's about an inch high and 8" around. It was pretty flat in the bowl (like not mounded, def not full to the top, either). I drank water. For dessert, I had a handful of skittles (for real).
Later in the evening, for snack, I had a small (like 1/2 cup) bowl of Gardetto's (because it's delicious). And more water.
Usually for breakfast I have cereal and milk, with fruit. But we have delicious french bread in the house, so I had two slices of that, toasted with organic butter. Two cups of tea, each with one sugar. A little mandarin orange.
Lunch today was leftovers from last night's dinner, probably 1/2 to 3/4 of what I had for supper.
I haven't done my green smoothie yet today, will probably do one for afternoon snack. It will be a bunch of fruit and green spinach all pulvarized together. (No yogurt or anything, just fruit and greens, maybe water if necessary.)
Haven't specifically planned supper yet, but I think it's going to be a salmon something, probably with something hippie like quinoa.
In terms of activity, we've been doing a lot of running around the house (and yard) today. If the weather were thismuch nicer, we'd be up at the park (probably a mile round trip) or walking in the woods near our house. Also, I got no activity last night, which is a rarity, but things were all messed up because I had a very long naturopathic appointment yesterday afternoon.
Generally, Tuesdays and Thursdays are at-home days for us, so our activity is mostly in and around home (and the nearby parks), and more substantial meals instead of smaller bring-out lunches and the like.
Unlike other fatties, I don't "diet"... I try to eat well (like the mexican I've eaten twice in the last two days was all homemade, having been done in the crockpot yesterday). I try to avoid empty calories (like, putting that in a bowl instead of a burrito shell, and refraining from the tortilla chips and too much cheese, etc)
Pick away!
I am the 99%.
My mother is thin and eats crap foods. She thinks she is a paragon of healthy eating when she is quite possibly the worst food example there is. I eat horribly but even I know she is bad, too.
Do you think he could get behind therapy of some kind? If not, can you just say sucks for you, I am getting therapy?
I have reccommended her stuff on her a couple times before, and I hate to be a broken record, but check out books by Geneen Roth. I have read When Food is Love and Lost and Found, and I just started working my way through When Food is Food and Love is Love, which is a audio program for disordered eating that I will listen to in my car on the way to and from work. There have been moments when reading/listening to her stuff that I almost cried because I didnt feel alone. I was skeptical when my therapist reccommend her book to me, because she has a book that talks about God, and spiritual is mentioned in some of the sub-titles. Turns out she is buddhist, and she hardly ever mentions God, so don't let that turn you off if you are not religious.
See. This isn't very different from my diet (aside from the skittles and Gardetto's). I probably eat more fat and calories than that each day and have a similar activity level.
Have you always eaten like this or was your diet worse at some point that made you gain weight?
He's pretty anti therapy. He's a bootstrapper. When he is feeling chunky, he stays late at work and hits the gym and drops weight no problem. I never get time for myself, or if I do I can wake up at 5am to work out. But I pick sleep. Lazy? Probably.
I'm not really sure. I was always chunky, but looking back at old pictures, I think my biggest gain that put me on the path to fattie-land happened between 11th and 12th grades. I worked 9 hours/day in an office that summer and commuted 3 hours roundtrip by bus. 12 hours of sitting. It's not healthy. I probably should have stuck with a part-time retail gig that had me up and walking around.
I also never should've been introduced to soda. I drank way too much soda in 11th and 12th grades, and I'm pretty convinced that contributed to it. I had so much homework and was so sleep-deprived - I studied much harder in HS than college. But I didn't like coffee and drank a godawful amount of regular soda. My mom would often just not buy it, and she would encourage me to drink diet soda, but I would just use my allowance to buy it from the vending machine at school.
Are you resentful of his inability/unwillingness to understand that you two are fundamentally different people?
How do you resist the urge to punch him in the diik when he starts up with this?
Is he an equal partner in parenting? How does he have time to stay late at work but you don't hav timee to get enough sleep?
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