Trouble in Paradise
cmeinla
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
WTF Wednesday!
My dog flat out refuses to crap for DH. He walked her four times yesterday, and all she did was pee. I've taken her out once this morning, and naturally got to pick up the poo, from the cold wet grass. Am I supposed to feel honored by this? WTF Dog!
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Re: WTF Wednesday!
WTF work. There is nothing more "fun" than coming in to find that someone else's work they didn't touch till the day before it was due has been re-assigned to me, that my coworker who allegedly is only allowed to work when her children are otherwise supervised is now being not just permitted, but requested, to work while they're home w/her, and to then hear my boss on the phone saying "give it to Interro" and just knowing it's some sh!t task that some incompetent member of Team Penis foocked up and needs fixed.
I am going to foocking cutabitch today.
And WTF Mr. Bang for not telling me you were frustrated w/something until it came tumbling out at a totally inopportune time and now my eyes are swollen and blurry from crying so I can't even see this sh!tty sh!t sh!tstorm properly while trying to fix it. WTF. WTF WTF'ING F.
Oh dear.
Care to elaborate on this one?
WTF work. An attorney is claiming I offered a plea deal I don't remember offering...and have no notes of offering. Which makes me look like a jerk because I won't do it.
WTF zoo. So far this month one dog almost died from a sedative, one dog got off leash and was almost hit by a car, both dogs got whipworm despite being on preventative, and one cat has been violently ill but all tests came up clear. I am putting the vet's kids through college. This may or may not be why DH won't let me foster the beagle mix I have my eye on.
I probably shouldn't, honestly, but I will a little. I reserve the right to DD this because he knows my username.
We're in such a rut. Our whole situation is wearing me down. The holding pattern of not knowing when his business will grow enough for us to move forward is getting to me. We love each other but are struggling with logistics of our lives, and I'm internalizing it instead of talking to him, and it's making me withdraw and not initiate sex, so he feels unwanted, and then he hesitates to initiate because he feels unwanted. The only days I really even have energy to think about initiating are on weekends, and we can't, because we have the little dude EVERY weekend.
Speaking of which, 3 is hard. The little dude only wants to argue and defy us, every minute of every day. Instead of having family fun time on weekends we're having "Mr. Bang and Little Dude power-struggle while Gocky spectates" all weekend. It's ridiculous.
So we're both feeling disconnected from each other and not saying it. And we're broke, and naptime (like mealtime) is a foocking ordeal, so midday on weekends is shot and we can't do much anyway. I'd love to take the little dude to the aquarium and some other fun stuff but we just can't right now.
I did tell him I need a grown-up weekend with him and feel disconnected. Ugh. We have not had one single weekend off to ourselves since we started dating last February. The one weekend day we took, was to drive 3 hours to a wedding on Saturday and wake up super early Sunday to get the little dude.
And I am beyond my breaking point with work
I'm sorry, Interro. I can't imagine how difficult it would be to jump into a relationship with a kid involved. There is so much going on already without the extra complications. I hope that this is just a speed bump and you are able to figure things out. Are you able to get any good quality time together on weeknights or are you just too exhausted? You need a good date night. It's always better to talk when you're in a good place and not angry or stressed, but those are the times, sadly, that you'd rather avoid the issues. Plan a time to talk and put it all out there.
What do you want to happen when his business is in a better place?
Eventually I'd like us to be able to move in together, think about getting engaged/married, spawn, etc.
Or maybe just be able to afford a baby-sitter for a Saturday night. Let's start there.
Weeknights are not great for quality time, but we're working on it. Mostly, we're just too exhausted and he works too late.
::hug:: interro
Though I'm a tad confused as to why you can't bang on the weekends even with little dude there. Does the little guy not have his own room?
Do you plan on talking to the Mr. Bang about any of this?
I can't imagine how stressful that must be.
I have to say though...if you have kids together (as I know you want to!) they'll be around 24/7 and you'll have to find ways to connect. My question is, is there some reason Mr.Bang doesn't get a baby-sitter for a Saturday night once a month? It's ridiculous that you've had one weekend evening alone in over a year.
(((hugs)))
WTF Nutragrain bar?! Do you really fill people up when eaten as a breakfast?
Because all I am is mad. And I want a huge steak and eggs. Screw you!!
This is very true.
I have a friend in a very similar situation as you, Interro. (Dating a guy with a kid. He has custody every weekend.) She shares a lot of the same frustrations- although they did eventually move in together. I have some questions based on things that happened with her.
Is he reluctant to get a baby-sitter because he only sees LittleBang on the weekends and he feels guilty? What does LB's mom do that she can't have any weekends? Do they have an official court ordered custody agreement?
Interro:
H and I went through a similar period. Our schedules are opposite and H doesn't get home til 10:30pm. At the time, we were exhausted and disconnected. After a month of no sex (yes, that was the last straw for me, lol), we sat down, discussed the situation, and decided no matter how tired we were/are, we were going to make time for each other and our marriage. We made a plan on how to carve out time together, which we do, no excuses. Yes, sometimes it is hard to get up the next morning, but we do it because it is worth it.
Edit: the whole point of that ^ was to say I feel ya' and talking to Mr. Bang about how you are feeling will probably help the situation.
Yup yup. Except it's Sat-Tues so not ONLY weekends, but still, same deal. It's only 50% of the time so he doesn't want to give up part of his half. And his parents already do so much for ex-wife (this is strategic, long story) that we feel guilty asking them to babysit.
She works Saturday and then has Sat. nite and Sunday totally kid-free.
Court ordered 50/50 with details to be worked out amongst themselves.
The other stuff ... I'm trying to reply it's just such a shiitshow here today!!
Interro, think about it this way. If you and Mr. Bang aren't feeling connected and there's a lot of tension, LD will feel it too. It would be good for all three of you if you and Mr. Bang had some time to reconnect. Essentially, you are doing it for all THREE of you. You can't build a relationship if you don't feel connected.
LD will be fine with a babysitter. It's not Mr. Bang giving up his time with his son, it's being a parent with real parent issues. Once every two weeks isn't going to have an affect on LD. He may actually enjoy spending time with a babysitter.
Also, what are you going to do when you and Mr. Bang have kids together? Never do anything without your kid? That's unrealistic and not good for anyone. Kids need time away from their parents just as much as the parents need a break from their kids.
Believe me...I've been there.
My WTF:
WTF puppy...why must you bark and bark and bark...all.the.damn.time! We hardly get any sleep and that makes us crabby. Sure, you get to sleep all day long...we don't!
WTF self! You haven't eaten fried foods since the beginning of Lent AND lost almost 10 lbs and then you go and blow it with a bag of Tater Skins! Seriously, they're not even that good
Sorry for everything thats going on, Interro
Interro, I'm sorry you're having a hard time. Being stuck in a sucky job and coming home to a place that doesn't feel relaxing is a whole lot of suck.
What about little bang's friends? Could he have a playdate for a few hours on saturday so you guys can go for a walk (free) and get naked (free), then you could exchange the favor a week later?
WTF car door, why won't you stay shut while I'm driving?
Interro, I hope you get it all talked through and worked out with Mr. Bang. And I'm available for shankings at your place of work if necessary.