Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
s/o of the s/o of the guys with kids topic(s)
This whole thing has just got me thinking....for those of you who are willing to consider dating a guy with kids does it matter how often he has them? For example, if he has them every other weekend it's better than if he has them full-time? Just curious!
Re: s/o of the s/o of the guys with kids topic(s)
I would be leery of dating a guy with a limited custody schedule (like AChase's ex, for example) because it shows he either 1) is still proving to the court that he can handle the responsibility for whatever reason, or 2) that he doesn't want to be with his kids an equal amount of time.
I won't let the initial knowledge of how much time/custody a guy has his kids determine if I will date him or not. However, I need to see more into the reasoning and his behavior and how he is treating me.
I just learned of a guy (I am not thinking about dating him) who has twin girls age one and a two year old girl that he is taking care of all by himself. I still don't know what happen but all I know is that the mother is no longer in the picture. I am not sure if she passed away or had severe issues to deal with. I do know that he is struggling very much to take care of his girls and having a rough time.
I can't help to wonder if a guy like this would be looking for a mother over a mate? I actually kind of feel bad for thinking this because I am sure he has needs just like the rest of us.
I sacrificed my needs for so long that I am no longer willing to do this. I guess what I am trying to say that there has to be a right balance of being parents, lovers and partnership in the relationship.
ETA: I am not interested in dating him because of the 3 children, I am not dating him because I know I am not ready for a relationship at all at this point in my life. I still want to focus just on my son and I.
But P is all that matters to him!!!!!!!
He should pay his CS then! What a DB!
I can't either! Doesn't she realize that if he did that to you/DS, he's capable of doing that to her?
I have no idea....they're actually getting married this year and have posted on FB about how they need to get on having kids because biodad is eager to have kids before he's too old. There have been times I wanted to know what she was told about me and DS, but honestly, what difference does it make in the long run. Oh, and I know I shouldn't FB stalk, but curiousity got the better of me!
I think this guy probably needs a lifeline, not a partner!
ITA. I want him to be involved in their life. Limited or very specific custody agreements make me very wary (Like, only suprvised visits, no overnights, etc.)
For me, how often he has them isn't as big of a factor as if he has them when it is his time. For example, a guy I briefly dated last year was supposed to have his daughter every Wed. but he never took advantage of that time. This to me showed he was too self-absorbed to take care of his child/responsibilities properly, therefore a HUGE deal breaker.
The other side of that is how he interacts with them during his time. I think seeing how a man interacts with his kids is a huge indicator of what his true nature is. Although I don't have kids, I know that it is a very difficult and trying "job", so it is interesting and telling to see how they handle it.
I am another one that doesn't understand this...there is no way I could be with someone that was capable of just walking away like that.
of course he wouldn't do that to her. She is different/special/whatever is telling herself to give reassurance.
A bunch my friends got together to collect toys and clothes since we all have young children and got him many gift cards for diapers since he is struggling financially. The church is involved with helping out with meal plannings and rotating help and care so he can do the things he needs to do.
I suspect this is true!!
Mostly all of the above.
If he doesn't see his kids ever, or only a few times a year (unless they live completely out of the country), or has limited custody arrangements that raise an eyebrow, or doesn't see them on his scheduled days (or hell, doesn't see them MORE than his scheduled days, if the ex is amicable), I'd be very wary to date them.
It would matter to me. If the guy lived in the same area as his children, I couldn't date him if he had them less than EOW unless there was some extenuating circumstance that didn't have to do with his fitness as a parent. I would not date someone who was not interested in seeing his children.