Ugh. Today is kind of hard.

LookingUp

I just went to my Facebook and deleted the last of the pictures of H and me together. It made me really sad when I looked at the pictures of us at my friend's wedding in October of 2010. We had lots of fun and we loved each other. It made me miss what I felt like we used to have. Now just looking back at the pictures and remembering what was, I feel like I don't even know him anymore. That person I thought I was married to never even existed.

I loved him so much.  

JellymanKelly

It's ironic that you posted this right now. A friend who is also divorcing right now texted me a few minutes ago and said she thinks "estranged" is an interesting word since she definitely feels like she's looking at a stranger when she looks at her STBX. I am in the same boat as you, although I am not sad anymore. I feel like I lived a lie for 9 years. I believed he really loved me because I loved him to the point I was blind. All the signs were there, I just never saw them.

MayFlowers22

Sorry, I know it's tough

LookingUp

Exactly. The signs were there for me, too. Even friends and other people we would hang out with would notice. 

Last weekend I had lunch with some girlfriends that I hadn't talked to much since H attacked me in February, so we did some catching up. My friend K said that when she and her husband would stay with us for a visit, she would see him hurting me and see me play it off like it was a joke. I told her that I never felt like it was a joke, but he insisted that it was, and I hated it. I would always tell him to stop, and he didn't understand why I would be mad. And of course I felt I had no choice but to play it off in the presence of other people. Thinking about it now it makes me sick.

MintChocoChip

(hugs) I'm sorry. 

tmkd

Been there, it sucks, no two ways about it. But, feel the sadness, then pick yourself up and go on. There's something better to be doing w/ your time

Valika88

I know exactly how you feel.  I deleted XH a few months ago, and I still sometimes come across a pic on my computer and it makes me sad.  Sometimes it seems like it was forever ago we were "happy" and I was in love.  Then sometimes it feels like just yesterday I would go to bed everynight next to him and now I sleep alone.  Don't get me wrong it needed to end, but it's still sad b/c I went into this thinking it was forever.  I also feel like I didn't know who he was and it's almost like a stranger now.  It's strange and upsetting    I'm sorry, it sucks, and eventually it will get better...it's just tough to see right now. 

kippersophie

It's so ironic that you'd post this, because this weekend was hard for me somehow for the same reason. I came across some souvenirs from a trip we took last April, and I thought, 'we were in love! What happened?'

I know it's a hard thing to go through. I'm doing it too. ((hugs))