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Good mothers keep their house clean
Survey: Majority of working moms feel guilty about their homes? cleanliness
It?s time for spring cleaning, and guess who will take on the guilt about all that dust build-up?
Yes, mothers. In particular, working mothers. A new survey reveals that the vast majority of working mothers feel guilty about the cleanliness of their homes.
The Working Mother magazine survey, published in the April/May issue, found that 68 percent of those asked consider cleaning a source of guilt ? despite the fact that other research shows this same population is spending more time working and on child-care duties.
?What it means to be a responsible parent, spouse and worker has ratcheted up to an impossible level,? said Jennifer Glass, a sociology professor at the University of Texas, in an accompanying commentary.
?The women I talk to never think of themselves as doing a good job as a parent or spouse by bringing home money.?
About half of those surveyed said their husbands help (which is a departure from a Real Simple magazine survey published in that magazine?s April issue that said in general women avoid asking for help in organizing the home).
Still, most of those working mothers polled said they felt keeping a home clean fell under their own portfolio: Fifty-six percent said they agreed that ?a good mother keeps her house clean.?
Another interesting quirk in the findings: The top reason cited for wanting a clean home? To establish a ?sense of calm.?
But how can we establish a sense of calm when we have so much to do?
How do you feel about the cleanliness of your house? Is it a source of guilt?
Re: Good mothers keep their house clean
I don't know if guilt is the right feeling. More I see it as a sign I don't have my shittogether. And for me a messy house makes me feel stressed so yes I do clean to keep the sense of calm. My motivation is not that I feel like I need to do it because of some womanly image I have in my head. But an organized house is a more functionable house.
Last night H and I had a power hour after a busy weekend and I swear I breathed a big sign of relief afterwards. Just vacumming, picking up stray toys, getting some laundry going etc did so much for me to feel prepared for the week. And it only took an hour but it made a big difference.
And I can't imagine not having a spouse help out especially as a working parent. Does not compute.
Not a mom, but I feel guilty around the cleanliness of my home. I work full time and have other obligations that keep me out of the home, including a lengthy commute. When I get home I don't want to waste time cleaning, but then when we have company I feel badly when I can see dust, or when my kitchen isn't sparkling. We went out to brunch with my SO's family for Easter and I was frantically cleaning before they arrived instead of enjoying the paper and a cup of coffee because I was afraid of judgement on whether or not the pillows were straight!
I cant imagine adding kids to this mix.
I think a lot of women martyr themselves in the housecleaning department, which is dumb.
I agree that a clean home does bring a 'sense of calm'.
Having a cleaning lady makes life so much more enjoyable, but if I didn't have the funds for it, I'd make keeping the house clean a priority and I would insist that DH participate (which he does anyway so not an issue for us).
This sounds a lot like my mother. And I KNOW that's where I get my issues around housecleaning!
LOL you remind me so much of one of my good friends. She gets the shakes if she can't get her hand on a broom at all times.
Ditto the bolded to infinity. I actually think I might be a bit OC about keeping my house clean. I've always been this way to a degree, but having spent several years letting it go completely because I was too busy caring for the kids seems to have caused a "clean compulsion" to build up. Beginning this past October, I suddenly went nuts and cleaned everything, top to bottom, including trashing or donating tons of stuff.
My current compulsion is driving me insane: I am constantly pulling out the vacuum to clean our hardwood floors because with the onset of warmer weather, we have dust and dirt being tracked in constantly. I will never, ever again opt for dark-colored hardwood floors because I see everything.
I never ever make time to clean. I'm soo bad about that. This weekend though, since we were hosting Easter, I spent at least a couple hours on Friday, Saturday and Sunday morning cleaning like a fool.
I have to remind myself that when I go home today, not only do I not have to because, as least as far as the downstairs goes, it's pretty freaking clean, but also we have a cleaning service coming tomorrow for the first time ever, LOL. which is great because they can deal with the dusting and bathroom upstairs that never get any attention since no one sees it but us.
All this to say, I get the working mom /dirty house guilt. Weekends are reserved for errands and spending time with the kids plus whatever 5000 other things are scheduled on a given Saturday or Sunday. So fitting in actual cleaning is a challenge, at least for me.
Whatever major says in this thread is me too.
We have a zoo (five dogs and two cats) and I NEVER want anyone to come into the house and smell animal so on a normal week I pull out my carpet shampooer three or four times.
I have issues
This, and it never ceases to amaze me the amount of toys my son can spread over our living room. I feel like I can never get ahead.
The only time I get stressed about cleaning is when we have people over. Then I become a raging b!tch inferno and my husband better help me clean if he wants to come out of the experience with his balls intact.
Other than that, there are a few areas where we keep everything really clean (litter box, sink, cloth diapers), and everything else tends to slide. My laundry couch could now eat a small child. I keep ZB away from it for fear of an avalanche.
I grew up in a disgustingly dirty house. To me, a good mother keeps her house mostly clean (and no, I'm not talking about show place clean, just, you know, hygienic).
You might find toys on my floor, or clean clothes in the bedrooms, but I feel stressed and overwhelmed if my house isn't clean.
FWIW, its easier as a working mother with a toddler to keep my house clean than it was as a SAHM with an infant.
I've been on The Knot/Nest for almost a decade now and if there is anything I have learned in that time, it is the following:
1. Money dances will be mocked mercilessly until you explain that it's cultural for you, at which point everyone bends over backwards to explain that they were mocking only those for whom it is not cultural;
2. No matter how broke/unemployed/living-in-your-parents'-basement you are, someone on these boards will always support your desire to have a baby right now by telling you that things will "just work themselves out;" and
3. A substantial portion of the male population does not notice clutter the same way women do and, in fact, could probably live happily in the midst of a trash heap so long as it didn't block the TV/video console/computer screen.
We have gotten over the guilt because we know how much effort it would take to deal with it.
Mess makes DH crazier than it makes me. But he's a far superior housekeeper. He's constantly trying to straighten up the TV/playroom while the kids are still awake. I never understand that one because two little tornadoes immediately follow behind him.
My DH freaks if the house is messy. I'm slowly conditioning him (and having sucess) that the answer is not to freak. It is to pick up a broom (or mop, or laundry basket, etc) and DO IT YOURSELF ASSSHOLE.
My house needs a good top to bottom cleaning, but I don't feel "guilty" about it. I just don't have the time right now. The week after school is out we spend 4-5 days hardcore cleaning - windows, walls, etc.
On Friday afternoons all of us, DH included, spend about an hour cleaning so we can enjoy the weekend in a reasonably clean house. Dishes and putting away the clutter happens daily...I can't sleep well with a dirty kitchen.
Yes,I'm smiling...I'm a marathoner!
Bloggy McBloggerson
CO Nestie Award Winner-Prettiest Brain-Back to Back!
2011 Bests
5K-22:49 10K-47:38 Half Mary-1:51:50
2012 Race Report
1/1-New Year's 5K-22:11
2/11-Sweetheart Classic 4-mile-29:49
3/24-Coulee Chase 5K-21:40
5/6-Colorado Marathon-4:08:30
5/28-Bolder Boulder 10K
This article describes me to a T right now. But only this year, last year I could not have given more of a fvkk.
ETA: *Less of a fvkk? I'm not sure which way that phrase is supposed to go.
Parenting fact: the only toys that are desirable are the ones that were JUST picked up.
I fixed that for you.
LMAO. Truth! And, I'm so glad I'm not the only one who's been here almost a decade. One of these days I'm going to have to go.....
It was indeed a bit painful to type that out.
You can have my steam cleaner when you pry it from my cold dead hands..I love it that much. It isn't fancy but does great work, I also add a little bleach to my water which will probably mean I will need a new one soon but the way the house smells after I do that is ahmazing
I think this is key. For me at least. I can handle the maintenance, it's just getting to a point where it's at a level I would want to maintain.
I'm pretty OCD about spending thirty minutes picking up the entire house when I get home from work so I don't have to think about it the rest of the night. It's gotten worse (better?) the last few years as far as how strict I am about having everything done. We don't have kids yet and I'm dreading having to loosen up on some of the cleaning...
CRAFTY ME
my read shelf:
I clearly belong to the pixy school of housekeeping. The only things that I clean religiously are the kitty box and the CDs. After that it's more of a triage situation.
Honestly, though, I don't really care. Partly because my house isn't messy enough to have anything growning where it shouldn't be. And partly because I don't do most of the housekeeping. If it doesn't relate to children or cats, it's H's job. I'm the lazy husband who doesn't notice clutter.
YUP. MH is worse than the kids, honestly. His mom always picked up after him so he thinks the whole house is his closet/hamper/desk. Drives me bananas, especially because mess stresses me out, but I am so bad at cleaning. So it just gets worse.
Also, the toy phenomenon is closely related to the clothing phenomenon of my husband and son finding the clothes that are 3 sizes too small and were in the closer to be donated to wear if I don't supervise them getting dressed. WHAT IS THAT?
My DH dressed my son in a DUST RAG. The t-shirt was so old and nasty that I had put it in the dust rag pile.
I was like this:
And of course, it was the day that FIL picked him up from daycare and took him to an event at the private school that MIL teaches at.
MIL pretended not to notice. But I'm sure she did.