Essay: Your children want you! (as opposed to snocone waffles)

rayskit10

I thought this was relevant to some conversations had here lately. I found it interesting and aligned with my way of thinking. Glad I am not the only one who has never made a craft I saw on Pinterest.   Your Children Want YOU!by APRIL PERRY on Apr 10, 2012 ? 6:55 am93 CommentsThere?s this crazy phenomenon going on right now. Good, devoted mothers get on Pinterest . . . and blogs . . . and Facebook . . . and Twitter . . . and then they flip through parenting magazines and TV channels (full of advertisements and media hype) . . . and they?re convinced they?re not enough.They?re convinced that everyone else has magnetic, alphabetized spice containers,Photo source: Pinterest (http://pinterest.com/pin/274086327292186801/)and unless their garden parties are thematically accessorized with butterfly lanterns,Photo source: Pinterest, http://tinyurl.com/6lsuurcand they?re wearing the latest fashions (in a size two, of course), there?s no point in even showing up for the day.Last Saturday, this happened to me.I came home from a lovely day out with my extended family and had serious intentions to spend the evening dyeing Easter eggs and making bunny buns.By the time I got everyone settled and fed, however, I was so tired that I just laid on the couch and dozed while my children played and got themselves to bed.Around 8:30, when I finally had the energy to sit up, I decided to try out Pinterest for a few minutes until my husband got home. There it was?1,000 reasons why I?m failing at all things domestic.I don?t make grilled cheese sandwiches look like ice cream.Photo source: Pinterest, http://kitchenfunwithmy3sons.blogspot.comI don?t even have seasonal throw pillows on my couches or live plants anywhere in the house.Is it really so hard? Can?t I pull myself together and wrap some candles in green foliage and bring happiness to our decor with bright fabrics and hand-crafted photo frames?As I was trying to calm my frenzied state of mind, my husband came home and held me tight. We talked about our day, and he told me how much he loves me and that he wants our boys to marry someone like me. I fell asleep snuggled under his arm.The following morning, our children enthusiastically bounded into our bedroom and tucked themselves into our covers. My four-year-old gave me an arm massage, and we all sat there together?joking, laughing, planning the day ahead, and enjoying that special feeling of family. Reflecting on the discouragement I?d felt the night before, I realized that my family doesn?t care about what I see on Pinterest. They care about me.My daughter Grace loves me to sing ?Baby Mine? to her each night before bed. When I go to ourPower of Moms Retreats, she misses that special ritual. We have recordings of Michael Crawford and Allison Krauss singing their versions, but Grace doesn?t want those. She wants me. So I recorded myself singing ?Baby Mine? and emailed the audio file to her and to my husband so Grace can hear ?her song? before she sleeps. As far as she?s concerned, my untrained voice belongs at the top of the charts.My daughter Grace is my ?snuggliest? child.  Back tickles and ?Baby Mine? each night are how I show that I love her.A few months ago, I was practicing sideways dutch braids on my two daughters. They had found these great ?how-to? videos online, and we set up our comb, brush, and hair bands in front of the computer so I could become an expert.Photo source: www.cutegirlshairstyles.com Half-way through the braid, my fingers got all tangled up, the hair was too loose, and one of my daughters had been sitting with her head to the side for several minutes.Feeling extremely frustrated, I said, ?That little girl in the video is so lucky to have a mom who knows how to do hair.?My daughter stopped me in my tracks when she responded, ?But I have a mom who is trying.?These are my two girls with the braids that took me FOREVER to do.  (But I?m getting faster now, and they appreciate the fact that I?m trying.)My mom is in her 70s, and her memory is starting to go. Her sweetness and love are as strong as ever, but when we talk on the phone, she can?t remember the last time we spoke or the last time we saw each other.At the end of one phone call a few weeks ago, I whispered, ?I miss you, Mom.?She said, ?Oh, I miss you, too! But we?ll get together soon. You can come down to the park, and we?ll get an ice cream cone at McDonald?s.?I replied, ?Yes, that will be fun.? But then the tears started, and I had to use every ounce of control to keep my voice even so she wouldn?t know I was crying.What I really meant was, ?I miss being able to talk to you, Mom. I miss laying on the grass while my children make a hopscotch and savoring our long phone conversations. I miss you remembering all those secrets I used to tell you. I miss you asking me if I?m okay. I miss seeing you read books and hearing you sing while you do the dishes and having you drive out to my house without getting lost. I miss you remembering how much I need you.?My mother didn?t specialize in home decor or gourmet cooking, and she didn?t lift weights or run marathons. But she makes me feel like I am the most important, wonderful person ever born. If I could pick any mother in the whole world, it would be my mom.There?s something deeper going on in family life than can ever be expressed on a social network. Whatever it is we feel we are lacking, can we collectively decide?as deliberate mothers?that we are not going to sit around feeling discouraged about all the things we?re not?Can we remind each other that it is our uniqueness and love that our children long for? It is our voices. Our smiles. Our jiggly tummies. Of course we want to learn, improve, exercise, cook better, make our homes lovelier, and provide beautiful experiences for our children, but at the end of the day, our children don?t want a discouraged, stressed-out mom who is wishing she were someone else.If you ever find yourself looking in the mirror at a woman who feels badly that she hasn?t yet made flower-shaped soap,Photo source: Pinterest, http://tinyurl.com/82k5vowplease offer her this helpful reminder: ?Your children want you!?QUESTION: How do you keep the right perspective on your importance to your family?in the midst of so many ideas and temptations to compare yourself with others?CHALLENGE: Recognize any tendencies you might have to get wrapped up in discouragement, and set up a regular way to remind yourself that your children want you.

meshaliu

I've wanted a spice rack like that since I saw one on Alton Brown. 

Some people like doing that sort of thing. It makes them happy. Some people hate doing that kind of thing. It makes them want to claw their eyes out. The first type should keep on keepin on, the second type should call it a day.

rayskit10

majorwife:

good for her. So the rest of us that do, do things like this are shitty, inattentive mothers who spend no time with their kids?

Puh lease. If you're neglecting your kids, leaving them crying in crappy diapers to make modge podge flower pots for favors for a 2nd birthday party, then yeah. You suck. If you are organized and crafty and your kids aren't digging through the trash looking for their dinner, great! Good on ya!

It's about the fact that there is increasing pressure on mothers to have all kinds of shizz going on. This is about those of us who aren't very crafty letting go. Moms have always been crafty- my grandmother was a knitter who made most of her own clothes while she raised 2 daughters and **gasp** worked (reminder: this was the early 1950s we're talking about).

This is about allowing all moms to accept what they can and can't do.

rayskit10

Feeling some mom guilt?

LittleMoxie

I'm not going to get into the mommy war aspect of this, but I know that pinterest often makes me feel inferior with my home decorating/organizing and food plating.  Doesn't mean I will stop using it, and it's definitely fun for inspiration, but I can see feeling the pressure to do all these things like others manage to do and then being disappointed in yourself when you fall short.

pixy_stix

I've made several things I've pinned on pinterest.  ::shines "best mom ever" badge::

People beat themselves up over the strangest things. 

mominatrix

majorwife:

good for her. So the rest of us that do, do things like this are shitty, inattentive mothers who spend no time with their kids?

I think the point is that you don't have to do that stuff, or you can do it and be crappy at it, and still be an excellent mom.

...even doing that stuff, you don't honestly think that's the stuff that makes you a good mom, do you?

cvillebetrothed

i think anyone who reads this as an article about pintrest and crafts, as opposed to an article about a woman freeing herself from self-imposed ideas of how ideal motherhood should go, isn't getting the point.

taratru

I never would have survived the 50s. Ever. I hate all that crafty shiit.  And I don't cook.  I'd rather just sit on the couch and read a book with my kids.  Or sit on the porch and drink coffee while I watch them play.  Or shoot a basketball on our community hoop while they run around.

rayskit10

pixy_stix:

I've made several things I've pinned on pinterest.

I have cooked things I've seen on pinterest but none of them were ever decorative.

hindsight's_a_biotch

You know, I hate the pinterest backlash almost as much as I hate pinterest. No, I'm not making my kid snocone waffles but you know what? I am making her one or two outfits a month in addition to the ones I make myself. I make headbands, doll clothes, burp cloths, or at least start them. I embroider bullion roses, smock bunnies across batiste pleats, etc. Yet, I'm still an attentive mother who spends oodles of quality time with their smelly little faces.

So it irks me when people assume that because pinterest is full of over thought shiit that most of these people are spending most of their time doing things like this. I would imagine the reality is that many of these people manage a craft or two here and there and proceed with their life.

FTR, I'm not on pinterest. I just think the pendulum is a little baffling.

nitaw

Oh great! Pinterest is the newest front in the Mommy Wars Battle!

I'm not crafty. I'm not the most organized. I wish I could do crafty, cutesy stuff, but it's not who I am. I am the Queen of Sarcasm. I own that. I do like to garden. It's what I do; I don't beat myself up over these things. I do what I like. My kid are fantastic. The don't give a rats right butt cheek about these things.

My self-worth as a mother is not tied to crafty things I can't do or anything else in the mommy wars. All that matters is that I manage to rear healthy, productive, individuals who don't end up on the pole with clear shoes.

All this other nonsense is next-level foolishness. Carry on people. 

hindsight's_a_biotch

cvillebetrothed:

i think anyone who reads this as an article about pintrest and crafts, as opposed to an article about a woman freeing herself from self-imposed ideas of how ideal motherhood should go, isn't getting the point.

"Pinterest makes me feel like a shitty mom, call the waaambulance!!"

Oh that wasn't her point? Huh.

+diana82+

cvillebetrothed:

i think anyone who reads this as an article about pintrest and crafts, as opposed to an article about a woman freeing herself from self-imposed ideas of how ideal motherhood should go, isn't getting the point.

Yes! 

pixy_stix

hindsight's_a_biotch:

FTR, I'm not on pinterest. I just think the pendulum is a little baffling.

Because it was cool to like pinterest when everyone wasn't on it. Now it's cool to hate pinterest because everyone now has an account. These mommy blogger/writers have to write about *something*, the more trendy/anti-trendy the better. 

hindsight's_a_biotch

pixy_stix:

Because it was cool to like pinterest when everyone wasn't on it. Now it's cool to hate pinterest because everyone now has an account. These mommy blogger/writers have to write about *something*, the more trendy/anti-trendy the better. 

Feel free to chew my ass out if my blog wanders into this territory.

The truth is, mothers do things they enjoy and then figure out a way for their kids to benefit. There's a good chance pinterest ladies would be doing this crap sans children.

Now I'm curious to know how many pinterest people have children.

jlthompson19

I don't see how finding something on Pinterest and then creating that is any different than finding the braiding video online and then trying that.

cvillebetrothed

hindsight's_a_biotch:

cvillebetrothed:

i think anyone who reads this as an article about pintrest and crafts, as opposed to an article about a woman freeing herself from self-imposed ideas of how ideal motherhood should go, isn't getting the point.

"Pinterest makes me feel like a shitty mom, call the waaambulance!!"

Oh that wasn't her point? Huh.

"my baby doesn't know sign language therefore i felt like a shiity mom, call the wahmbulance!"

"i feel like a shiity mom because i don't buy only organic, call the wahmbulance!"

"i SAH/WAH/WOH therefore i felt like a shiity mom, call the wahmbulance!"

"i got divorced/didn't get divorced/got a sperm donor/used a surrogate/needed IVF/got pregnant accidentally therefore i felt like a shiity mom, call the wahmbulance!"

 

i'm saying it's another article in a long line that reminds people that other people's ideas for how motherhood should be conducted (or what you THINK other peopel's ideas for how motherhood should be conducted are) don't have to dicate how you conduct yourself as a mother.  yes, we have the latest trendy twist of pintrest, but i think the underlying message is a good one.

nitaw

majorwife:

Im not all "fuckk yeah! i am an awesome mom b/c i have a clean house and make crafts!" i know i am an ok mom that makes stuff the lb likes.

having a clean house and making crafts have nothing to do with motherhood for me. i was doing this shitt before a kid popped out of me.

As one of my church members would say "Do You Boo!" 

I just don't understand why everything has to be part of the Mommy Wars Epic Battles. People do shiit they like. That's it. Pinterest just gives you ideas if your azz is crafty, like to cook, etc. Who the F cares so much.  

hindsight's_a_biotch

Please. Her underlying message was "I felt like shiit for looking at pinterest so now I have to try to make people who put shiit on interest look like shiit so that I might feel better about myself."

Which is the root of all mommy wars.

FFS, she titled her article Your Children Want You! But no, she was totally not making judgement calls on how anyone else spends their time. Nope, not at all.

cvillebetrothed

hindsight's_a_biotch:

Please. Her underlying message was "I felt like shiit for looking at pinterest so now I have to try to make people who put shiit on interest look like shiit so that I might feel better about myself."

Which is the root of all mommy wars.

FFS, she titled her article Your Children Want You! But no, she was totally not making judgement calls on how anyone else spends their time. Nope, not at all.

fine.  we disagree.  i'm not going to mommy war you or anyone else over her message, and just try to take what i see as good from it. 

meshaliu

hindsight's_a_biotch:

You know, I hate the pinterest backlash almost as much as I hate pinterest. No, I'm not making my kid snocone waffles but you know what? I am making her one or two outfits a month in addition to the ones I make myself. I make headbands, doll clothes, burp cloths, or at least start them. I embroider bullion roses, smock bunnies across batiste pleats, etc. Yet, I'm still an attentive mother who spends oodles of quality time with their smelly little faces.

lol   I had no idea that sewers got Startitis too.

Eddy1

hindsight's_a_biotch:

pixy_stix:

Because it was cool to like pinterest when everyone wasn't on it. Now it's cool to hate pinterest because everyone now has an account. These mommy blogger/writers have to write about *something*, the more trendy/anti-trendy the better. 

Feel free to chew my ass out if my blog wanders into this territory.

The truth is, mothers do things they enjoy and then figure out a way for their kids to benefit. There's a good chance pinterest ladies would be doing this crap sans children.

Now I'm curious to know how many pinterest people have children.

ding ding ding

I have never felt guilt over not doing some cutesy thing because well I don't like doing that stuff. I am also not good at it. But I do love going down by the river and searching for animals or making cookies. Parenting easily plays into your strengths and interests.

Edit: Also this article is obnoxious. Lets all just do what we are good at and STFU.

hindsight's_a_biotch

meshaliu:

hindsight's_a_biotch:

You know, I hate the pinterest backlash almost as much as I hate pinterest. No, I'm not making my kid snocone waffles but you know what? I am making her one or two outfits a month in addition to the ones I make myself. I make headbands, doll clothes, burp cloths, or at least start them. I embroider bullion roses, smock bunnies across batiste pleats, etc. Yet, I'm still an attentive mother who spends oodles of quality time with their smelly little faces.

lol   I had no idea that sewers got Startitis too.

*ahem* I prefer the term sewist, tyvm. lol

And we call them UFO's in the sewing world, unfinished something that starts with O. lol IDK. But there are a ton of them. Every few months, a blogger will start a UFO challenge and everyone climbs aboard in the hopes of finishing something.

I have far too many to count right now, including a red silk charmeuse 40's style bias dress that will probably never get done thanks to pregnancy and breastfeeding. It's in a box upstairs, all cut out yet unsewn.

Mamasaurus

I am not on pinterest, but people usually assume I am because I am crafty. The competitive feeling I perceive around it is part of why I skip that site. I will just keep using books, youtube, and google to figure out what I did wrong with that mod podge project or that cookie recipe, like I used to do, and I don't see why anyone should care. I don't judge the people who do use the site, though. If you like pinterest, have fun. If you don't, there's no reason to imply that the moms who are making this stuff are neglecting their kids. There are probably a handful of really nutty ladies on there, but mostly, it's harmless, right?

I love making seasonal crafts and am really looking forward to going from designing and creating a latch hook rug FOR my child to making one WITH my child. I don't think it's any better or worse than a mom who is looking forward to playing soccer with her child, going to a football game with her child, playing piano with her child, etc. I think that if a mom can say she is doing as many things WITH her kid/s as FOR her kid/s, good on her. (This is separate from the mothers who do things TO their children, like some of the beauty pageant moms...that's not what this article is about at all.)

meshaliu

hindsight's_a_biotch:

meshaliu:

hindsight's_a_biotch:

You know, I hate the pinterest backlash almost as much as I hate pinterest. No, I'm not making my kid snocone waffles but you know what? I am making her one or two outfits a month in addition to the ones I make myself. I make headbands, doll clothes, burp cloths, or at least start them. I embroider bullion roses, smock bunnies across batiste pleats, etc. Yet, I'm still an attentive mother who spends oodles of quality time with their smelly little faces.

lol   I had no idea that sewers got Startitis too.

*ahem* I prefer the term sewist, tyvm. lol

And we call them UFO's in the sewing world, unfinished something that starts with O. lol IDK. But there are a ton of them. Every few months, a blogger will start a UFO challenge and everyone climbs aboard in the hopes of finishing something.

I have far too many to count right now, including a red silk charmeuse 40's style bias dress that will probably never get done thanks to pregnancy and breastfeeding. It's in a box upstairs, all cut out yet unsewn.

Duely noted. Can I be a knitist?

Unfinished Objects, yes? They're the horrible side effects of startitis. I have an purse all knit up but not assembled, the back and one front of a sweater, and one sock. That I'm aware of.

pedantic_wench

I just don't see how this article was necessary?

Some moms craft, some don't.

Whether or not you attribute your crafting or non-crafting to how good you are as a parent is on you.

hindsight's_a_biotch

meshaliu:

 

Duely noted. Can I be a knitist?

Unfinished Objects, yes? They're the horrible side effects of startitis. I have an purse all knit up but not assembled, the back and one front of a sweater, and one sock. That I'm aware of.

You can definately be a knittest.

I, however, cannot considering I have more knitting UFO's than actual finished knitted projects. I have a neapolitan ice cream colored cardi that I started three years ago at least, two 1/3 started leg warmers (for two pairs so they don't even match), a camoflauge hat for peteybird, a baby blanket I started four years ago, a baby shrug for a kid who is more than a year old (I couldn't figure out the directions once I got past the sleeves and body and now I can't find the directions) and a host of booties that I made one of and lost interest before I could knit up the other foot.

I fail at knitting.

Major fail.

rayskit10

pedantic_wench:

I just don't see how this article was necessary?

Some moms craft, some don't.

Whether or not you attribute your crafting or non-crafting to how good you are as a parent is on you.

I saw this as the point of it. 

pedantic_wench

rayskit10:

pedantic_wench:

I just don't see how this article was necessary?

Some moms craft, some don't.

Whether or not you attribute your crafting or non-crafting to how good you are as a parent is on you.

I saw this as the point of it. 

The point, for me, was that crafting is pointless because you're kid doesn't care about you crafting and would rather you read him/her a book ersumshit. Therefore, moms who don't craft are probably better moms because they don't waste their time doing unnecessary shiit.

The title of the essay itself leads me to that conclusion.

MrsAxilla

I'm not exactly sure what a snocone waffle is, but given that those are two of Ben's favorite things, I'm pretty sure that most days he'd vastly prefer one over me.

#badmother