Last week, my husband and I were invited to a $100-per-plate benefit for her nonprofit. Since we would also have to purchase new clothes and get a babysitter, this event is a bit out of our reach at the moment. I RSVP?d no.
Yesterday, my friend told me she was hurt I wasn?t attending and asked why, because this nonprofit is important to her. I told her it was simply too expensive. She was quiet for a moment, and then told me she attended wedding showers, my wedding, baby showers, three christenings and numerous birthday parties for my kids (this is true). She told me that after all that, it would mean a lot if we could attend a function for her.
I was floored by this. Is she ?bean-counting?? Also, isn?t she still able to have all those events in her honor should she choose?
Finally, those costs were spread out; a $25 gift here and there is different from a $500 expense in one evening.
Attending this would not be impossible, but it would be very difficult. My husband thinks we should make a $200 donation and not attend the event. Is this a fair compromise? Do I even have to compromise? ? Friend?s Benefit
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Yes, at a minimum. I suggest you do better, though: Apologize, then assure her you?ll scrape up your pennies and go.
She?s right, and your defensiveness says you know it. ?Bean-counting?? ?A $25 gift here and there?? ?We would also have to purchase new clothes??
Holy excuses, Batman.
What your friend has rightly pointed out is that she waved your flag again and again and again ? and asked you to do the same for her exactly once.
And you begged off on an inconvenience. She?s not scorekeeping, she?s exposing your bias.
You and I both know you can arrange a babysitting swap with another family you know or call in a favor.
You can pull a Scarlett O?Hara and wear the curtains.
That?s what friends do when it?s time to come through. They don?t say, ?Well, if you find a husband, I?ll buy you a vase.?
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In yo' face!
Woah, you're right... I do love the response.
What a inconsiderate person and then for her to call it "bean-counting" b/c it was a few gift cards here and there. Puh-lease. I also like her friend's response as well. If I were ever in that position, I hope I can be that tactful.
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I agree, but that is not the situation here.
It's not about the money. Making a $200 donation and not going (which is what she wanted to do) is no different than paying $200 and going, except that it's a big slap in the face to your friend who deserves the emotional support of having friends attend to honor her.
I can see what you're saying. If you're paying the $200 anyway, what is the big deal about a $25 dress? Even I could pull an outfit together for about that, if I had to.
Love it!
thanks for sharing!
Yes, yes, YES!
Exactly - I'm generally in the "if you cannot afford it, don't go" boat because to some people $200 is NBD, while others $200 is a LOT. However, if they plan to donate $200 instead of going... well, that just makes them bad friends, IMO.
This.
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