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I thought this would be easier. I was wrong.
Please disregard my previous post about dating after divorce. What a fool I was to think I could get over this quickly. STBX and I had a knock down, drag out, heart to heart last night and while we both still agree we?re not meant to be married to each other, my hearts in a blender.
I bawled when I thought of him in his little stuido apartment, away from our dog that he loved so much, away from the house we bought together. I bawled when he said he would still come over and mow the lawn, shovel the walk, and take care of our mutt. I bawled when he said he would never love anyone again because he didn?t want to. I bawled when he said I deserve someone who is a partner but that he knew himself well enough to know he couldn?t change for me. And honestly, I don?t want him to. That?s not fair to him.
I know he has depression-like tendencies but won?t seek help. He?s not meant to be married but I just want him to be happy. What a mess I?ve made.
Re: I thought this would be easier. I was wrong.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
He never really wanted to get married but I did and while he loved(s) me to pieces, he's just not husband material. I feel like a jerk because I'm a pretty pushy girl. This sounds weird and awful but I wish he would have just run off with someone else. Then I would feel so fricken guilty.
Whoa....you cannot force anyone into doing anything. He made the choice to get married to you, you shouldn't feel guilty for that. This was HIS choice that HE needs to own, not you. You are only responsible for your choices.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
I know he has to own his part and he does. I think I was just trying to push a square peg into a round hole and I feel bad about that.
This sounds a lot like my ex, though I didn't feel as bad as you do. I felt bad for hurting him, but the love was long long loooong gone for me.
My ex is happily remarried to a woman that doesn't mind having a non-partner as a 'partner'. Or at least, she deals with it. Whatever, its no longer my problem!
Its hard but the more you two go your separate ways, the sooner you can both move on towards your new futures.
Mow your own lawn honey. I'd never done it before I got divorced, but I went and bought a mulching mower off Craigslist (no bagging the clippings) and have been doing it ever since just fine.
I know I can mow I own lawn. I think I just want to hang on to the good stuff we had while getting rid of the bad but that's not how it works. Maybe it's the Catholic guilt in me but I do care about the guy.
It is fine to care about the guy, but not to blame yourself for choices that he made. Yes, I get that it is hard but you will make it harder on both of you if you continue to have that kind of relationship with him.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
I know. I just need someone to tell me that.
Consider yourself told
I know it is hard but I promise it will get better!
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
When did you get married? How old were each of you? How long were you married for?
This is going to be hard but you will get through it. Have you seen a therapist? If not I suggest going.
I am glad to hear you are rethinking dating right away
May of 2009. I was 25, he was 31 (28 and 34 now). We would have been married 3 years this May - been together 5.5. I have seen a therapist in the past, around Nov. Dec. of last year but not since we decided to split. I know I need to go again but I really didn't get anything out of it except more crying and some relaxation CD's.