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Do you or your s/o ....(deployment related)
As DH's deployment is coming around the corner he is starting to freak out a little. It is his first deployment and I can tell (and he has admitted) that he is really scared. I don't know if it is the fear of the unknown, getting hurt, having to hurt someone else, coming back "changed mentally/emotionally." I think it is a bit of everything.
How do you cope? I feel like I just have to be strong for him, but it scares me that he is scared of these things. It seems like other guys in his unit are excited to go, some even extended just for the deployment. Do you or your s/o struggle with these feelings right before a deployment? I hope I don't sound insensitive/non-supportive. I feel like he has every right to be scared/nervous, but it is just catching me off guard and I'm not sure how best to be supportive of him without freaking out myself.
**Sorry for the P&R... the laundry from our predeployment leave is scary and I better get started!
Re: Do you or your s/o ....(deployment related)
I think it's totally normal for both of you to experience these feelings. I suspect a lot of people who deploy hide those emotions because they want to put on a good show for their friends in the unit and to try alleviate some of the concerns their family is having.
Let your husband know you're having the same emotions and it's okay. If he wants to talk about it listen to him.
I'm sure some of his apprehension is most likely missing out on the baby's birth but just reassure him that it's no reflection on him as a father and that you'll keep him as involved as possible in everything that goes on with her.
When H left for our first deployment together I was a mess for a few days before. Basically thinking a lot of the things you are thinking. But H was relatively unaffected by it because it was his 4th deployment, just his first having to deal with leaving me. I will say though that the time leading up to it is probably the hardest part. I always get to the point to where you just want it to start already so that it can begin to end already. But they are all very normal emotions. This recent deployment was a lot easier on me when it started because I knew what to expect though.
Speaking from the SM side of the house. It's terrifying. The day I was leaving home my mom nearly took me to the hospital, because I was so nervous I literally made myself sick. It's the fear of the unknown, plus the fear of danger, plus I was new to the unit so I still wasn't too close with my unit. It's a horrifying experience. But, now that the first one is out of the way, I'd be comfortable showing up to a new unit and shipping out. I know what to expect now.
Be strong, but don't be afraid to cry with him. You tell him that you know he's scared, and you are too, but you'll get through it together. Don't push each other away(I'm guilty of doing this) because it will not make it any easier to say goodbye.
H and I are getting ready for him to deploy soon as well.. We both have our moments.. Luckily they never align so when one is down about it, the other is positive
I just tell him about all the things I have planned for his care packages (I tease, never give the good details away! They have to deploy to find out
) It makes him excited for go and get fun mail.
It's also one of those.. The sooner he goes, the sooner we can start the count down. First deployments are a little nerve-rattling but once he gets over there and settles in a bit it gets easier for them (In my experience, of course... I can't say for EVERY SINGLE PERSON it's that way
) It helped to read through the "phases of deployment" together before, during, and after. It helped us both say, "oh.. It's normal that I feel this way. This is how I'm feeling." and not have to feel guilty or like we're abnormal for the different emotions.