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I need to vent
Sorry to be a damper, I am hoping venting will relieve some yuck factors I have been feeling inside.
I've been working very hard with trying to take care of myself, my son since I found out that my ex wanted to divorce on July 4th of last year. I've been going to counseling at least once a week for almost 9 months now and it has been a major savings grace for me. I also made sure to hang out with friends, join social activities all the time to fill my calendar with good people and good activities. My place is a work in progress but I got some painting done, yard work taken care of and etc. Often I get compliments from others how DS is so great and that I must be a good mom. I go to church every Sunday and mingle with a lot of people. I find out some guys are interested in me according to my friends (though does not seem like it directly from them)...
But... I can't shake this feeling of disheartenment. It is so strong that I feel like the whole world can stop in a moment. This is not a fun feeling. Despite having close friends checking on me and I am surrounded by good people, I never felt so alone.
Does this feeling ever go away?
Re: I need to vent
((hugs))
I have days like this....today is actually one of them and I just sent one huge venty email to my BFFs for them to read and slap some sense into me so I can move on. Thankfully, it comes and go. I usually just let myself feel whatever it is I'm feeling, journal about it so it's out of my head and then hope that the next day is a little better.
Sometimes the daily tasks of being a single mom, homeowner and employee can be really hard to manage every.single.day. I know there are days I cannot even wrap my head around the thought that I have to make yet another meal, or sweep the floor, or sit through math homework I have no idea how to help with. Some days I just do what absolutely needs to be done and then we say "f-k it" and we go out for dinner, or for a bike ride, or just do something out of the ordinary to shake things up a little.
I'm glad you're in counseling....have you talked to your counselor about this?
I also have days, but I can tell you they are getting less and less - and that on the everyday it is OK. Is it my perfect? No, but my life is sooo much better now than it was and so much better than it would have been. It is not easy, especially being the everything/everyday as said above....you will get there and the tough days will get fewer and farther in between IMO and experience.
I journal a lot, it does help because you can get it all out and sometimes when you actually re-read it, you realize why things are not really as bad as you thought or you just feel a little bit better. In fact my entry last night (an everyday) was about being OK with being OK - I think we are in the suck so long that sometimes when we are truly OK we sometimes try and find things to make it feel not OK in order the feel the recent norm if that makes any sense.
I hope this helps!
It does go away... just takes time. I left my ex over 2 years ago and feel much better now than I did at 9 months. 9 months isn't that long of a time so it's understandable why you feel this way.
Divorce is one of the most stressful things a person can go through in life. You are doing all the right things (therapy, friends, etc)
Thanks! Yes, I have talked to my counselor about this. There is just so many areas to dig up in therapy that I just have to take one step at a time before I can find resolutions to many of my issues and triggers. She is also a strong believer that life is what I want it to be mentally and that I need to work on changing my mental perspective and that it can take at least a year before I work out my mental kinks.
Thanks! I can definitely relate to what you described. I do know that ds is my miracle despite the hard stuff.
It fades, for sure. And it's normal. Divorce is a really awful thing, and it's hard to shake. Even though I know mine was for the best, I still get sad about it sometimes. It doesn't last or ruin my day, but almost 2 years after moving out, I still have moments where I get misty and wistful.
It sounds like you're doing everything right, though. Therapy will continue to help, and you're keeping yourself busy in good, productive ways. The bad days will lessen in frequency, I'm sure of it.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Lots of hugs!!
These feelings definitely go away over time, it just takes a while. I still sometimes have these type of feelings - more because I hate that I've made such bad decisions in my life than actually missing anyone - but they are still there. Just be glad you are taking the time for yourself now, it will make everything better later, promise!
It DOES go away. It fades slowly. One day you will realize that you have been truly happy for a while.
This makes me feel giggle....my 8 year old can clog a toilet like nobody's business and does so every other day. So I am often cursing under my breath because I'm tired of always being the one to unclog the toilet! It's gross!