Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
not cheating!
my husband keeps accusing me of cheating, which im not, and Its making me crazy! its making me want to be intimate with him even less, which is why he thinks im cheating in the first place...Ive lost interest since hes gained a lot of weight. Which Is really shallow of me, but I cant get past the promise he made that he wouldnt do that when he took a new job that was less active. I worry for his health and dont think he takes it seriously. Any advise? Other than the obvious to try and show him more affection?
Re: not cheating!
Have you talked to him about his weight gain and how you feel about it?
(I'm dealing with this a little too so I know it's not easy to say something about someone's weight without hurting them or making things worse.)
Wow, REALLY? He doesn't think it could possibly work the other way??
When was the last time you felt really, madly, pants-rippingly hot for him?
That is weird.
Very weird.
And the French also have an expression: He who says not to look behind the door has something to hide himself.
Maybe he thinks that your loss of interest in him physically is "indicative" of you fooling around.
What you need to do:
You need to sit down and talk to this guy. Remember, you are treading on very thin ice here -- you do not want to say he's too heavy and you sure don't want to say that his body turns you off. That's bound to start a war and how.
That you're worried about his health would be a good intro -- and heck, anybody who is more than a little chunky knows that they need to lose weight: that's gonna be no newsflash for him.
You could: Start cooking healthy and making him a nice healthy brown bag lunch --- you could also find a fun and way for you to be active together. (ballroom dance lessons, bike riding, rollerblading, even going for walks together after dinner)
Which is why I expressly included the expression the French use.
If this was *just* a case of Honey, why haven't we been having lots of sex lately, I am pretty sure he'd have came right out and asked that question.
I'm not saying that it's a definite that he is having an affair; I find it a bit unsettling he's accusing you of having affairs. Why the heck is he really doing it? what's behind it?
There are some obvious trust issues here but I'll just address the weight/health front.
It also might help if you did some new, active things together. Biking, kayaking, even walking around a local park or something. Apparently doing new things as a couple can increase libido as well.
Agreed. It makes it difficult to believe that it is his health you are worried about.
Fuss, I honestly couldn't tell you, which breaks my heart. I see other couples who seem so happy and in love with each other and I want to badly to be there. We have talked about the weight and the accusations and everything. We always talk about everything, but nothing ever seems to change. It's just an exhausting cycle
I have my own issues that I'm trying to work on, don't get me wrong.
For the other, less constructive, responses...clearly, if you're in the "trouble in paradise" board, you have your own issues, too. I didn't make my husband promise to not get fat. He was concerned about it because he used to be bigger and lost it all and always said he never wanted to be there again. His family has a history of heart disease and high blood pressure, which he suffers from now. Not that I have to justify this to you...
Yeah.......I don't have any trouble in paradise with my DH. I just like hanging out with the women here. Fail. Try again though.
As for your question, I agree with those who said to start cooking healthy meals and plan activities together.
I mostly hang out here for the trainwrecks.
I'm inclined to agree with Tarpon about the whole "guilty conscience" thing.