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How do you know
Hi everyone,
I am new to this board. . We have been married for a little over 2 years and together for about 9.
So here is what is going on. For about six months or a little longer MH has been saying that he is not happy and that we cannot plan on having children now because he is uncertain of where we will be and that we are not in a space in which we should be having a baby. I tried to just continue going about things but we had a really serious discussion about it again this weekend and we are now in emotional limbo. We have agreed that we should go to counseling but I just feel like I can't make someone be happy with me if they are not. I don't really know why he is not happy and I don't know what happened to us.
Just to put it all out there I made a mistake about a year ago that I just told MH about during our most recent talk this weekend. I met this guy at a concert and we e-mailed each other for several weeks. We really just talked about music and stuff (not sexual in nature) but still not something that I should have been doing as a married woman. What surprised me most was his reaction to this he wasn't even really mad at me. He said that he was hurt but that he understands why I did it because obviously I was not happy either. He rationalized it saying that we both contributed to the situation.
So after all of this it really just has me thinking about us and what we should do. I want to work on us and see if we can still be together but I really just don't know what is going to happen and I'm so devastated. I know that I have contributed to the situation that we are in.
Any thoughts or advice are really appreciated! Thanks
Re: How do you know
Does he want to work on this? If you both want to work on things, then do it.
Go to counseling.
Sooo.... you talked to some guy through email about music.... and your husband thinks it was because you're unhappy in the marriage? That doesn't even sound logical.
This doesn't make sense. You didn't cheat or even say anything inappropriate.... I just.... what? It almost sounds like he was looking for an excuse to stir the pot and laid it on you spinning it to make it seem like its your fault and you want out.
It's hard to say I never really felt unahppy. I guess at times I felt like things were off with us but I wasn't unhappy. I don't know if because he is that I am making myself believe that I am unhappy too. Overall I'm just really confused and sad and I guess that that is why its kinda hard to know what to do. We are going for counseling...just made the appointment so I guess we will see where that leads us.
sweet- I kinda agree with you on him looking for the excuse b/c then he could feel ok that he is unhappy with us b/c I am too.
Usually that is not a good portent. I suspect that he might have somebody in the wings already, when a mate makes this type of revelation out of nowhere.
And even odder, you emailed another guy and your H shrugged it of as "hey I guess you're not happy either"?
Your H should have been livid. That's my stand on this one.
If he says he isn't happy it's very likely he's emotionally checked out of the marriage. And not likely he will work on the marriage with you by seeing a counselor.
What he needs to do:
Let you know if he still wishes to be married to you -- and if he does not, take it from there. I am not sure if anything here is worthwhile saving. GL.
if he wants to work on it and you want to then see what comes of counseling
is he unhappy about the marriage, life, where he is? was he expecting you to make him happy?