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MIL vent
My MIL just came and stayed for the night and left this morning. Twice this morning she asked me if she could get me a house cleaning service for Christmas next year, and then 10 minutes later she asked if I thought the neighbor kids might be interested in cleaning my house for money.
Look. I know the house is a little messy, especially the upstairs. But we just moved in 3 weeks ago, we have a 3.5 year old and a 2 year old, and both DH and I work (opposite shifts, to avoid childcare costs). I'm trying really hard to get things together, but it's just hard, you know? I'm doing my best.
And while it was nice of her to offer, I know from friends' parents that she routinely complains to other people that I am not good enough at housekeeping. It's hurtful because I feel like we try really hard to keep all the plates spinning, but sometimes other things just take priority.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Re: MIL vent
Umm, yeah, you just moved in 3 weeks ago. I would tell her STFU (well or have DH tell her).
You're nicer than me, I wouldn't have even let her stay with us if that were the case. Thankfully my MIL is local, no overnight visits.
Wives Unscripted
Yeah, I'd be livid. I'd tell her somthing like what you said in the 3rd paragraph and be genuine about it, not snarky:
"It's hurtful you say that because I feel like we try really hard to keep all the plates spinning, but sometimes other things just take priority. I'm sorry you don't approve of my house keeping."
Or maybe call her out and say that you know she complains about your housekeeping to others and ask her to kindly keep it to herself. The look on her face would be priceless if you said that her.
Go Phils!!
Ditto the pp! What a wench.
I'd think I'd use a little reverse psychology though....
"Why thank you MIL for offering to get me a cleaning service. As you can see we have so much going on. So much to do and so little time do it in esp. since we want to spend as much time as possible with your precious granchildren. Anyway you can swing that cleaning service earlier than Christmas? We'd appreciate it."
And then she starts talking smack to other people I'd just say, "Hey, she offered, I took her up on it..wouldn't you?"
I mean fight fire with fire...what is anyone going to say to that?
If she's going to be a b*tch..I'd be a b*tch and ask for her services sooner.
I just have a feeling she needs something to whine about, so if you "solve" her whining she'll probably shut up.
In a perfect world anyways.....
~~~MARRIED BIO~~~
Holy passive aggressive. This makes me grateful for my MIL.
We moved into our new house two weeks ago and since we have to much to do (and not that much furniture) it's going to look like crap for at least six months. Maybe 10% of our stuff has been put away and we don't have any kids. I'm impressed you even allowed a house guest at this point!
I'd definitely have your H say something to her if that's an option. It is in no way appropriate for her to be saying things about you to others.
I agree. You have a lot going on and if she wants to pay take her up on it. If nothing else it should shut her up for a while.
Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
Your H needs to tell her to MHOB and STFU about your "lack of housekeeping."
Thank goodness not EVERYONE has to be perfect, right? How boring would that be. (I am taking this personally because I currently have piles of junk to sort through and no less than 3 loads of laundry to fold. But I work nearly full-time -- just 5 hours short of that -- on top of caring for our son when I'm not at work, working a side job on the weekends that requires some work at night AND I'm exhausted from being up about 3 times a night. I'm with you lol.)
TTC Baby #2 - BFP on 12/14/11 @ 10DPO - CP confirmed 12/18/11
BFP #2 on 1/13/12
Thanks everyone
It's nice to be understood!
I probably WILL take her up on it, actually. I mean, I could use the help. It just stung a little, esp. since I actually took 2 hours to clean right before she got here!
Oh, and as for having houseguests already - yeah, not my choice. I said no, but DH said she insisted because DD2 is turning 2 this week and she wanted to give her her presents.
Anyway, thanks for the sympathy! :P It makes me feel better to hear similar stories.
Go Phils!!
Yikes. I am pretty sure my MIL doesn't think we are clean enough in her book (she mops her walls regularly
) but thankfully she bends over backwards to be a great MIL.
Like you, we have two little ones and two careers and not much time left for tidying. I like to say we keep our house clean but not necessarily tidy - as in , the bathrooms and kitchen get cleaned regularly, the sheets and towels get washed regularly, but you might step on a matchbox car if you walk through the livingroom. It's about how you choose to spend your time. It sounds like you and DH have opted for a very difficult work schedule so that your kids can always have at least one of you around. That's a huge sacrifice right there made to spend time with your kids. Do you really want to spend what little time you have when you are both home with the kids cleaning or enjoying your children?
If I were you, I'd have DH say something privately - have him tell her that you ghys have a lot going on and are trying very hard to find what works for YOUR family. You could use a little slack.
Ugh, this is exactly the type of thing that drives me up the wall. Why do our parents generation not understand we don't live in the 1950s anymore!? As if we don't have enough pressure running a household, holding a job (and I don't even have kids). You should get a gold medal for all you do, not a b!tchy MIL. And this seems like an appropriate time to post this:
Free stuff is great. I would have said you know we just moved in why wait till christmas.. hire a cleaning service to come in now so we can get settled faster
thanks for the offer look forward to your next visit maybe you can hire a landscaper or something else.. I know it seems a little (well a lot) snarky but that might be a good way to go
I would have turned it on her.