Married Life
sonrisa
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Poll for mothers of more than one child
in Married Life
[poll]
Re: Poll for mothers of more than one child
28/100
LittleL 8/10/07
Baby E 11/27/10
Check out my makeup and reading blog:
Books and Beauty
I have to say, with Charlotte I felt this immediate, overwhelming love for her and even during my pregnancy, i just could not wait to meet her.
With Kathryn, things just felt different. I don't know if part of that was because it was a surprise pregnancy or not, but even once she was born things just felt different. I don't know whether my hormones this time have gotten in the way, but it took longer. Not that I didn't love her, but it just felt different.
I don't think I've admitted that to anyone before. I feel like a bad mom.
If it helps, I feel the same way about my reaction to becoming a mom with my oldest. I was so overwhelmed and unprepared in a lot of ways for motherhood that I think it took longer for me to really solidly bond with him. With my second, I knew what to expect and didn't have any of the same troubles. Different experiences, different emotional responses.
Motherhood is weird. It's not something we're supposed to talk about, but it's true.
ETA: Just in case anyone thinks I'm still not bonded to #1, things really resolved when he was just a few months old. All is well now, and we're very close.
28/100
LittleL 8/10/07
Baby E 11/27/10
Check out my makeup and reading blog:
Books and Beauty
We always planned to have a second, I think since neither one of us are only children, but it happened sooner than we planned. But before even trying, if we had not been able to have another I would have been really happy just having Charlotte. She is a great little girl and I feel blessed that she is my daughter.
One thing that I love, is watching Charlotte with Kathryn. She really does love her and I am going to enjoy watching them grow up together.
I answered the first, but with the caveat that with that comes the stress of childcare which eases with age.
Right now, the girls climb on me, make messes, now climb over the kitchen gate, strip naked/only want to be naked, have accidents, try and eat random things at the park, hit each other, hit me, climb on everything, throw food around like it's a party. Ole!
In contrast, D is such a gentleman and is so well-behaved. Can't wait for two four-year old twins!
This, although when my first is a sassy pants, my love shifts to the second baby, especially since she is an easy easy baby. But I love them both and daily I feel so blessed to have them, even while staying home with both of them right now (go back to work next week).
The adjustment from zero to one kid was WAY hard for me. More than I would admit to anyone IRL (and 99% of that probably stems from all the food allergy issues we had when C was an infant.)
The adjustment from one to two? PIECE O' CAKE. Seriously. I was the walking cliche of being more relaxed 2nd time around so kiddo was more relaxed, etc.
I honestly don't find having a 2nd one that much harder, truly.
I didn't bond with either kid until jeez... 6 months. I seriously had no idea what all these moms were talking about. I even asked my shrink wtf all this bonding stuff was and why I didn't have it in l&d and she told me to chillax and it would happen.
She.so.smart
With the first two, it happened right away. With the third, it took a LONG time. Like a couple years. I had PPD issues after that one, and it wasn't pretty.
Cleo, you're not a bad mom. I think this happens to more people than are willing to admit. I went through something similar, but w/ the opposite birth order. It was almost immediate with Elizabeth (younger). As soon as she was born, I just didn't want to put her down. But with Natalie, she was born, and I never felt this overwhelming, take-your-breath-away love for her. It was just kind of like, "oh. Well, here you are." Now, I would have shanked anyone who tried to hurt her, and that overwhelming love definitely came, but it took a few months.
But now with both of them, I really can't get enough.
this is me, too. jonah is so much fun and so smart and well-behaved, and ryan's whiny and clingy. i'm having that type of feeling more with the ryan now that he is getting a little older. i suck. i just don't really like having babies, but i LOVE having kids.
I'm really glad to read this. All the people I talk to are all, "Isn't it amazing the love you feel for him." Ummmm, yeah. MH and I do love him, we're doing a good job or keeping him alive, but I've yet any heart seizing moments of "OMG I love you so much." It's shittyfeeling.
It was instant with both of my girls, but I'll admit that in the weeks leading up to my due date with Kate, I had moments of panic, like what are we thinking screwing up our perfect little family of three?!
We'd always planned to have more than one child, and I wasn't concerned that I wouldn't love our second baby less than our first, but we were in such a good place with just the three of us that I was afraid what adding another baby would do. Fortunately it was too late to change our minds at that point because Kate has added so much joy to our lives. We can't imagine life without either of our girls now.
I read this when I was feeling doubtful at the end of my second pregnancy and found it helpful (even through all the tears):
Loving Two
I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder, how could I love another child as I love you?
Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch as the pain you feel at having to share me as you have never shared me before.
I hear you telling me in your own way ?Please love only me,? and I hear myself telling you in mine ?I can't.? Knowing in fact that I never can again. You cry, I cry with you. I almost see our baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never have again.
But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her ? feeling that I am betraying you. But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally genuine affection.
More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just us two. There are new times ? only now we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.
I watch how she adores you, as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I'm no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you, only differently.
And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you ? you each have your own supply.
I love you both and I thank you both for blessing my life.
? Author Unknown
I have been curious about this as well. #2 isn't out of the womb yet so I can't totally anticipate how I will feel. But J was unplanned so his pregnancy was a process of acceptance. From the moment I met him it was love.
This baby I have loved from the moment I knew about him. I know how amazing he will be because I have already had that motherly experience with his brother. So I hope this feeling carries over in actually mothering him outside of the womb.
But I still can't grasp the thought that I could love anything equal to Jack. I often wonder if he will always secretly be my favorite lol.