Trouble in Paradise
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
doglove
Did you ever update on your frenemy dinner situation? Did everything go okay?
Look with your special eyes.
Re: doglove
Ohhhhhh the dinner. The short answer is that I'm done w/ the friendship.
I basically showed up and it went like I thought it was going to go. She didn't want to talk about what happened before, she said I hurt her feelings and that was it. There was no reflection on what happened between us. I wanted to talk about it, but she wouldn't really say anything. I told her I didn't feel close to her as a friend because she did not talk about herself. She did not understand the concept of hanging out and talking to me about herself. Apparently her family's personal information is part of her and she wants to talk to me about it. I told her I couldn't listen to it anymore.
It was awkward and about 5 minutes after I told her what I wanted to get out of the friendship, she went right back to being herself. I think I realized in that moment that I have changed and we are definitely in two different places in life. Literally after I told her I didn't want to hear personal stories about her family, she started talking to me about her family. It's unreasonable for me to expect her to change, but I have to do what's best for myself and that is to not spend time around that anymore.
I finished my dinner and she said something like, "I really value your friendship." I guess because I have spent so much time listening to her talk at me. I didn't say anything but goodbye. I won't spend anymore time doing that w/ her.
I'm glad you were so straightforward with her. It sounds like she didn't REALLY hear what you were saying...give it a few months and you might have to ignore her cries of "why won't you let me talk at yooooou".
I thought of you yesterday and this situation. A friend I had to "dump" years ago recently friend requested me on facebook. Against my better judgement I friended her (it's been about 5 years since we've spoken). I thought maybe things had gotten better on her side and she wouldn't be crazy, but nope. I put her on limited profile, but apparently not in time for her to have gone through my timeline and stalked a bit. She messaged me with "it looks like you're doing well because of this and this, I don't have any positive news to report"...it went on and on and was very Eeyore. Into the restricted section she went. I may defriend and block her if she messages me again. It's not worth it. I could feel the panic setting in, just reading it.
Long story short, it really pays to follow your gut. I'm glad you did that - you'll feel so much better.
Sounds like your friend never did change!
My friend really didn't hear what I was saying, I honestly think because she can't given where she is in her life. That's okay, but I need to stay true to myself and where I am in life.
It was a strange dinner for me because I showed up, spoke my mind and could see the contrast and that helped me stay clear. I'll probably hear from her again, but I guess I will deal with it when it comes up. A clear NO THANKS will be in order.
It's sucky to have to move on from friendships when you outgrow them, but man when they suck the life out of you there really isn't any reason to hang on.
I'm sorry that you weren't pleasantly surprised, DL, but I'm glad you did what you needed to do.
I swear breaking up with a friend is more complicated than breaking up with most BFs.
Are you still friendly with her SO?
I assume by losing her friendship that I will lose his as well. I have emailed him since and FI has emailed him about some stuff and he's been friendly. I don't really know what will happen though. I'm willing to take that loss though even though it's a bummer.
I had a similar situation with a friend that I hadn't spoken to in about 13 yrs. I accepted her friend request and then she would send me messages a mile long bragging about her kids and family and how well they are doing. I'm happy they are doing so well, but it would be nice if she would ask me something about my family without turning it around into something about her. It reminded me why we hadn't spoken in so long. I unfriended her but she kept sending me messages, so I put my setting so she couldn't send me messages. So, what does she do? She 'pokes' me. I didn't not poke back! I'm friends with a mutual friend of ours, so she can see me on our friend's friend list.
Sorry, DL, but it sounds like you did what you had to do. Now you don't have to deal with her anymore (hopefully).
I'm sorry DL, but onward to better situations!
PS- I am woefully bad at remember nest things-- have you set a date yet?