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Reversing Roles?
My FI was bisexual before we began dating and was at one point married to another man. That wasn't a problem for me, because well I got him 
The first time he asked me if he could do anal with me, I was a little apprehensive and not because I thought it was strange but because like anybody would, I was worried it was gonna be excruciating. But I agreed to it anyways on the lines that he would stop if it got to uncomfortable for me. It was a little rough the first time or so but after awhile I really did start to enjoy it and now we do it regularly. The past two weeks we have been trying something different when it comes to anal, after he gives it to me, I return the favor back to him(with a strap-on of course.) It again took me awhile to get into the idea but I found that to be fun too. I'm all about making my man feel good and happy so I don't mind it...he's also got a cute butt that's irrelevant :P
Is there any other ladies out there that actually DO enjoy anal? And have tried this or do anything else to make it fun?
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Re: Reversing Roles?
Can you elaborate?
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Was bisexual?
No, he is and still is.
You cannot change your sexual preference. EDUCATE YOURSELF.
I would wonder why he broke up with his partner --- did you get the reason why he did and why come all of a sudden now is he so into women?
That's what you should be questioning. As it should be and would be if he was straight and was married or was in a long term relationship with a woman.
He should also be tested for HIV -- and so should you; unprotected sex with each other is involved.
You are also pregnant. You can pass HIV on to your infant. Do you even know that much??
You probably also don't know how many sexual partners he has had nor do you know how many of them involved protected sex.
Get tested and do it TOMORROW, without any hesitation.
Do it for your health and that of your unborn child.
If this guy really cares about you, he will do it no questions asked -- and if he refuses? If I were in that spot, that would be a dealbreaker for me.
And if he refused, I'd be out of there so fast it would make his head spin.
Getting tested for HIV is all about caring about your partner and caring about your unborn child. That's the bottom line.
My strong advice:
Do not practice anal sex without a condom; use lots of lube and under no circumstance at all attempt or try vaginal intercourse after he's performed anal on you --- nasty virulent bacteria reside in the rectum.
You're the same one with the sex tape and wow....honey, your 19 year old youth is showing and showing big time...
For starters, my name is Haley Renee. I'm nineteen from the Buffalo, NY area. I have one son who was born on 12/19/09 who is named Aiden Michael, and he is simply the apple of my eye. I was seventeen years old when he was born. I thought I was in love when I conceived but looks were determined to be very deceiving in my case. My sons father dumped me when I was 7 months pregnant and didn't come back into my life till my son was almost 2 years old. Again I thought I loved him and married because of what I know now was purely cause I thought I owed somebody. That time was even worse and now he is completely out of our lives.
My current relationship now is a special one. Receives some criticism sometimes for the circumstances that go with it. My fiance is also my third cousin, and we have been engaged since 3/24/2012 and plan to marry on 5/25/2013 and our daughter is due 9/16/2012.
I have discovered when you meet you true love, you know it from the start and there's nothing else to that. We weren't in a relationship for too long but I have never been as happy as I am in this moment. It's like a fairytale...a baby, a marriage, and a home.
You are 19 years of age; you will have many "true loves"!!! And you thought that the kid who got you KU was your true love, too...girl, SLOW DOWN!!!!!!!
After you split up with your first husband, you needed to call off all dating and all men for a good long while. Divorce is traumatic and there is also a kid in your life. It would have done you a world of good to stop dating for a long time.
You are moving much much too quickly; there is a child in the picture and when there's a child involved it's a requisite to proceed very very slowly when a new boyfriend is in the picture.
Kids have attachment issues --- by rights that child should not have "met" your boyfriend until you and the boyfriend were dating for a good length of time. I'd say a year; call me an old fart or somebody who doesn't know where it's at but indeed you shuld have waited a good year before your boyfriend had any contact with your son.
Getting back to the statement you made "He was bisexual." EDUCATE YOURSELF, like I said -- you are hopelessly naive and dumber than oatmeal if you think a guy can go from bi or gay to straight. My guess is he's shrinking back into the closet somewhere after he's been out; only he can explain to you why he is doing this and is all of a sudden into girls.
I am guessing he is also a great deal older than you. For love of mike, exercise prudence and tread carefully --- it would be best if you postponed this wedding for a good long while until you get to know your FI throughly. Anybody who's out of a marriage/committment is bound to be on the rebound and that's not good for anybody involved.
That includes you; you are 19 and already have one marriage under your belt?! WOW....I will bet you jumped right into finding another man --- you are one of these girls who "needs a man" --- and you called no moratorium to dating after your divorce. Am I right?
You're moving much much too fast. And there's another kiddo on the way, too? Oh boy...
Again, EDUCATE YOURSELF. One cannot change their sexual preference. You are what you are and like that song says you are born that way. If you are gay you are gay and if you're straight you are straight. That is how it is.
And if this guy went and told you that he is no longer bi.... don't ask me what I think of that. At all.
And if that's what he said and you believed it --- I've got a nice bridge in Brooklyn I want to sell you. Interested?
Since you are involved with a gay man, I strongly suggest you contact PFLAG. Google it; it's an excellent resource for you.
For starters, I'm WELL aware that people cannot change their sexual preferences and that my FI will always have an attraction to males. So honey, don't you tell me to "get educated." Also, we have BOTH been tested for HIV so yeah...way ahead of you. Not stupid although you sure do think I am. My "marriage" was a crock and in my opinion is irrelevant, so don't go on about how dumb I was with that. All I'm gonna say about "him" is that he died in prison. Put two and two together.
Why are we together? Because we fell hard for each other and it took us awhile to realize we are what we have been looking for. I've known him my whole life with him being my third cousin and all, and although that is out of the norm, since when does it matter who you fall in love with? When you know, you know. And yes, he is older than me and that's really none of your business. I have asked him why after being with his ex for so long, he fell in love with another woman. And again we go back to....When you know, you know.
Don't worry about my son, they both get along great and you don't the situation with them so don't talk about it. Don't worry about how I live my life or put in your two cents about how you think I should be living my life. Just cause I'm young doesn't mean I'm stupid, I know what I'm doing. Okay?
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Stop cutting and pasting from elsewhere -- get the gibberish out of your posts.
Lots of us "fall hard" for somebody else -- that doesn't mean full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes. As I said there is a child involved -- that means you go slowly.
If this is meant to last, he will not disappear. Count on that.
And don't be so divisive and pissy. I gave you honest, blunt advice -- and if you "know" sexual preference cannot change, why was your opening statement a statement that your FI was bisexual but not anymore?
Perhaps not a practicing bisexual, as it were, but he still is BI.
And there are lots of women -- and men -- who are married to bi partners. I think it would be a great idea for the both of you to get counseling to deal with that matter.
You are 19 years of age. I've been spot on with everything I have said. And you indeed are moving too fast. For your sake and your son's sake, slow down -- take your time. That's my hard, cold advice.
I never said he wasn't anymore......
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Are you sure that he's not gay instead of bisexual?
Of course hes not gay
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You never said it?
Here it is right here:
My FI was bisexual before we began dating and was at one point married to another man. That wasn't a problem for me, because well I got him
Sister, you have a lot to learn.
You say he gets along great with your son -- fantabulous! -- but your son and he need exposure together for the very very extended long run, before you even agree to make things permanent with this guy.
AND there is another kiddo coming into the picture. Your relationship with your FI is on shaky ground for that alone -- the pregnancy was not planned. A marriage needs legs before you can even think of having a child or even a couple of kids.
"Of course he's not gay" is what you said???
He shows a preference for the same sex. (and to me there is no "bi" -- you are gay or you are straight.) You're taking this as "he is bi and that's okay but NO, he is not gay" like gay is something completely different.
Stop the presses on all of this.
Put the wedding on hold for a good long while --- and watch and wait and see.
You haven't been with this gent long enough to see what he is like over an extended period of time -- and you have not been divorced long at all; that alone is a recipe for disaster. You're rebounding and you filled your former H's shoes with your FI.
When there are kids involved, everything changes. You need to see if he is a good father figure, if he is dependable, if he is good with a blended family, is he financially dependable, to name a few.
See what he is like when your son's favorite word is "NO!!!!" and the kiddo refuses to listen to any adult, anywhere at any time.
See what he is like when the kids are sick and see what he is like when the new baby comes into the picture and there's a Terrible Two and a newborn in the family.
This is to name a few.
if you've got a good thing going and he's for you, this relationship will last.
And before you marry anybody, therapy for yourself.
To be frank your life is a trainwreck. One kid out of wedlock and divorced once already at age 19. You haven't done a great job of picking guys --- and you need to grow up and grow up in a hurry.
Was bisexual before we were dating?
I'm still chuckling at that, sis.
Whoa. Usually, your advice is spot on, but where did this come from? You honestly don't believe anyone ever has attraction to people of both sexes?
You are talking about something entirely different altogether and delving into entirely different territory.Those people are not genuinely gay or bi.
It's fine for you or I to think another woman is great looking or attractive but that is not the same thing as being bi or gay. Not by any stretch of the margin.
What you are talking about is vastly different than being gay or bi. It's theorized that from a very young age on, those who are bi and gay know what their sexual preference is. And it's also theorized that the structure of the brain is different in gay men.
For tully's sake -- her male FI was married to another male. This is somebody who is not "just attracted" to other guys.
ummmm yeah you did...
My FI was bisexual before we began dating
Yeah, but why does that mean he can't be bi? I know a bi couple (male and female, if that matters) who are married to each other but are polyamorous. They both have and sometimes share other partners of both sexes.
Yeah, but why does that mean he can't be bi? I know a bi couple (male and female, if that matters) who are married to each other but are polyamorous. They both have and sometimes share other partners of both sexes.
I said that a post or so ago: there are couples who are married to bi partners and yes, they make it work -- but it does not mean the partner has permanently changed his or her sexual preference.
Perhaps the partner is not a practicing bi, as it were, but the sexual preference still exists.
This is a matter that the OP and her FI need to hash out for themselves -- a counselor would help in a case like this.
What exactly do we need a counselor for? WE DON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS.
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Counselors are great for many many situations: for blended families. For those who are going through a rough time in life: a death of a loved one. A divorce. Maybe you've got a parent who is aging or critically ill and you're the main caretaker for that parent.
Maybe you're in a helping profession; you need a counselor to help you "unload" what you've seen on the job on a daily basis.
I can name other sitautions: you are getting married and you and your H are of two distinct racial or cultural backgrounds. Maybe you and he are 2 distinctly different religions and you're looking for ways to successfully meld both your faiths.
You are marrying somebody who is of a different lifestyle. That's why a counselor would be a great idea for the both of you to see, jointly and separately.
First off, there are tons of ways to make sex fun, but the sorts of things you are willing to try and do is between you and your SO. I personally don't enjoy anal, but I am sure there are ladies out there they do. To each their own.
Look, I have to agree, slow the heck down. You are so young! I married at 22 and now here I am at 25 getting divorced. In hindsight 22 was too young to get married. I am thrilled to hear that your SO has a great relationship with your child, but are you really in a good place to be in a relationship? You are 19, divorced with one child and another one on the way. Are you in school? Do you work? Do you have any work experience should the need arise that you have no one to support you or your children? Get yourself able to financially take care of yourself and your children before getting married.
This is most excellent advice from somebody who is not much older than you are.
As you can see, those several years of age difference are crucial for your maturity.
My mother said the same thing to us years ago: you need a career to fall back on in case something happens to your spouse. Spouses leave, spouses desert families, spouses die -- and when there's a divorce, you cannot always count on alimony and/or child support from a former spouse. He could take off after the divorce and never be seen again. Meanwhile, you have a child or two or more and what do you do now to support them and yourself?
You may be in the position where you have to pay child support and alimony to a male spouse! Rare, but it happens. And I know of a few cases personally.
You have to consider everything. And you have to be vigilant and self sufficient. If you had a child at 17, I'll bet you that you dropped out of school -- do you at least have a GED? If not, I strongly suggest you get one. Employers will need that much from you when you apply for a job.
It's a good thing Tarpon is here, or people may have to result to thinking for themselves and deciding what to do with their own lives.
I consider myself pansexual, but there have been times that DH or I have said I "used to be bisexual" to people. It's an easier way to explain it to people who don't know us well. It's just a matter of words; it doesn't mean my attraction to others has magically gone away or that I'm in the closet. Also, age does not determine what you are ready for. YOU have to figure out what is best for you, and when you make mistakes learn from them. If you want to ask for advice about your relationship go ahead and ask! If not just ignore those who give it to you anyway. People on these boards troll and flame away at anything they see as weird or not within their personal sphere of "normal."
The anal sex subject: It's great that you're willing to go outside of your comfort zone, and it can be really fun. You're lucky you've got a guy who's been in situations involving anal before so you don't have to worry about him being stupid and hurting you. When my DH first asked about me doing it to him I was kind of confused, because he's just about as straight as they come, but it's turned out really fun. Of course, if you are having anal (or any sex) without protection it's a good idea to be tested until it's been a year since either of you were with any other partners, since HIV can be dormant for that long. But other than that, go ahead and do what you are comfortable with, and have fun! Little vibrators (with a safe, easy way to get them out!) for either of you can be an extra something during vaginal sex if you're into it too.
I'm going to have to disagree with you here. I have dated both men and women and have felt genuine attraction to both. There was one woman who had me meet her parents, and I thought it was pretty serious, but it turned out she didn't think it was so serious after all and ended things to travel abroad extensively. I could easily have committed to her if she had been the settling down type. Now I am married to my husband of almost 5 years, about to have a baby with him any day now, and happily settled down with him. I am pretty sure the attraction and love I feel for him is just as real as what any other two people have. I don't think he's ever questioned if I love him or want him sexually because of who else I have been with, or because I have a copy of "No Boys, No Toys" in our bedroom closet.
And, as far as me knowing from a young age what I wanted, well, I didn't. I had crushes on girls and on boys in grade school but hid the ones I had on girls because my homophobic/religious family members made it very clear what they would think if I ever kissed a girl. I always assumed I would grow up and marry a boy because I thought it was the only option, but did I know what my heart would want as an adult? No. I had to find out through trial and error, just like most people, including those who only ever date people of the opposite sex or people of the same sex.
FWIW, most of the scientific research suggests that bisexuality is indeed real and far more common than people think; almost nobody is at the far end of either side of the Kinsey scale.
To the PP: Maybe you were still in the experimental stage --I'm sure there is one for women as well as men; it's common for young males to experiment with both sexes --- but you may not "officially" be a lesbian or bi: I don't know. Anything can be on the spectrum here, maybe nothing is.
I still think counseling for the OP and her FI is in order; there's much more to the picture than his bi-ness. There's also a divorce recently for the OP, a child involved, another one coming into the picture and there's also a pending marrige while pregnant. I think that's reason enough to see a counselor, along with marrying somebody from an alternative lifestyle. It couldn't hurt.
Liberals believe there is no sexual preference choice, they wat to believe "they were born that way", that way it gives them an excuse. Now 82 % of non-partisan studies have concluded that sexual preferences is a choice, that no conclusive study has ever shown that, some not scientic studies that tried to show a "gene" you were born with determined if gay or not. This study was proven false.
So it seems the one who needs to get educated is tarpon. Quit reading only far left wacko studies , they all turn out to be false and lies.
Who came up with this one? the far right fundies?
A choice???
Do you know anybody at all who is gay or bi? And I guess Tyler Clementi merely had to choose and this way he wouldn't have been in the mess he was in. jeez....
Nobody said it was a gene. Brains are structured differently and that has been proven.
I'm just curious about exactly how OP is related to her fiance.
I'd be far less weirded out by it had they not known one another their entire lives.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Tarpon, you need to read some Kinsey.
As for the OP, lol at "when you know, you know". You've "known" twice so far, and at least one of those times you've been dead wrong. Hell, I've "just known" dozens of times myself, only one of which turned out to be correct.
Well I'm going to throw my 2 cents into the ring on this Bi/Gay discussion.
I am currently married to a woman. Prior to her, I was married twice before to men. I am very much happier being with a woman!
My honey is a "gold star" lesbian. She has known since she was quite young that she liked the ladies and has never been attracted to a man at all.
I'm "old" and so this is my "wise old" opinion. I believe (maybe this applies even more with women) that sexuality can be fluid. Like in my case. I think I have always had a little liking for the ladies myself, but my life circumstances did not make that type of relationship available to me. Several years ago I started experimenting and was hooked! Then I saw my honey and was madly in love with her within 3 weeks and we are still together, happy and going strong!
But I believe that sexuality can also be pre-programmed and we are what we are. She certainly did not "choose" to be a lesbian and given her father's crazy religious views on the topic, if a choice could be made, it would not be to be gay. She lived through some pretty bad treatment while still at home and the minute she turned 18 and graduated she ran for the hills!
So I guess the bottom line is, I think that some people choose, some just are and both are perfectly acceptable and fine.
lol, citation needed.
And Tarpon.. I normally agree with much of your advice but I am side-eying the crap out of you for this bi erasure nonsense.