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Husbands last minute plans upset me.
Hello Ladies,
I have an issue that was discussed between me and DH but is still weighing heavy on my mind. First let me say that my Husband is a very attentive, laid back, sweetheart of a man. He works from home, I am in school to become a substance abuse counselor. He has a group of friends he has had for years old college buddies. They are heavy drinkers and strip club goers. He has been out with them but only for dinners and usually with me. They live in New England. We are in New York. Last week my husband was having some problems at work..and became very distant. Very distant. and very out of character. He went out with his friends last Saturday night.....he called around dinner time completly drunk and unable to drive home where we were a family dinner with my Mom. I understood he was feeling off during the week so I didnt get mad at him for blowing off steam with the guys. All during the following week I was feeling like something was still off...we had a talk I asked him if whatever was bothering him had anything to do with us. He said no. And he kept saying no. it wasnt us. But all week I had a bad feeling. Last Thursday he tells me that he might go away for a weekend to Atlantic City and he would be back Monday. Well, you can imagine how I reacted. Really? After I was feeling uneasy, unsure, and last minute? I was very upset. I explained how I had been feeling and I couldnt beileve he was ready to just pick up and leave last minute like that. We talked and talked and I explained my feelings. Instead of him going away. He took me away for the weekend. Not Atlantic City>> It was a great relaxing get away and we had the chance to talk. but NOW I'm feeling very guilty. I WANT him to have time away with his friends and I told him I wouldnt get upset the next time he went away....I did however ask him to let me know in advance. But I'm worried.
Re: Husbands last minute plans upset me.
I think its perfectly appropriate (and good) for a married man, in a healthy relationship to go away for the weekend with his wife - when he needs a break form work. Going to Altantic City with old college buddies to drink too much and visit strip clubs seems like a throwback to immature years.
Those types of trips are okay for college guys, even for milestone events later in life for married guys. But really, when you're having a tough time and want a get-away, go with your spouse - what better time to strengthen the real support systems in your life?
It seems from your original post that his odd behaviors were all in a close grouping and well...maybe he had or was thinking of being a bad boy. I totally see where you felt it was all a little suspicious.
Has he cheered back up? Have you been able to get him to open up about what was really going on that caused his strange behavior? Do you think he did something a little bad and it made him want to go for the gold...hence the sudden trip to AC-without you?
Not trying to cause panic here but the fact that you questioned it makes me think you have some worries in this area perhaps?
Of course. He's having a bad week and your solution is a weekend away with him. How is that wrong? You're supoosed to cheer that he takes a weekend with college buddies in AC? Really? WHY? Why is that so preferable to time with YOU??
You're mairred. You're committed. You support each other. Don't feel bad about it.