So, when do you introduce your kids?

rakattack

I've never dated someone with kids before.  I'm guessing a few months?

PrettyInPearls23

There's a lot of variables. How old are the children? Is this someone you've known for a long time (old friend) or is this a 'stranger'? What is the parents relationship with the child(ren) (custodial parent...EOW parent, etc).

 

FF met DS fairly quickly after we started dating. He had never dated anyone with kids before and I knew that the idea of me being a mom to a toddler was a LOT different than the reality of it. Given that I'm the custodial parent, DS is a HUGE, HUGE part of my day-to-day life. Since DS was still pretty young at the time (15 months), I felt comfortable with introducing him fairly quickly. I've known FF since we were teenagers (as well as his family and circle of friends), so it's not like he was a complete stranger. He's a firefighter (FF) and a part-time police officer so I knew he didn't have a criminal background. The first meeting between DS and FF was at a small-town maple syrup festival with other friends of ours, so it was done in a group setting. The next several times FF was around DS was spent doing activities that were kid-friendly. He never stayed the night during the week when DS was home, and only stayed over on weekends that DS was with XH. Although, we did stay together during our camping trips, DS' bed was in a completely other part of the camper and he never actually saw us in bed together. (The bedroom of our camper has a sliding door where we could close it but still hear DS when he got up). Obviously there was no hanky-panky going on, as that's just wrong on so many levels.

This worked for us, but I understand that it's not for everyone. You can't put a timeline on it...you can only do what's right for you and your particular situation.

bruins8624

It depends on how old the kids are. You want to make sure you are serious and upfront with the person about your kids. My spouse had a three year old when we got together. He have known eachother for along time but he was very upfront about his son and that he comes first in life. I think it was easier to get used to his son right away. Now things are different and we are a happy family. Its harder as time passes if you don't introduce the kids. Again it depends on the age , if the kids are grown up then you could hold off a little bit. Also, its important to see how the new man acts around your kids. This will be a good outlook on the relationship.

FormerlyAK

I introduced my ds to bf at about the 4 month mark at a family dinner for my brother's birthday. The first time we did anything just the 3 of us was about 6 months in. DS knew him then as my friend that I like to do things with when he is at his dad's house. His dad already lived with his gf at this point, so after about another month or so, ds asked if he was my boyfriend. and I told him yes. We started doing more overnight stays at bf's house around the year mark when we decided we would be moving in together. We moved in to bf's house about 15 months in (bf owns his house, I rented my house, we live in the same school district, so moving in to his house was the best option there).

FormerlyAK

Oh, and I am the custodial parent (have ds 80% of the time) and my ds was 4 at the time.

becwheat

IMO there are factors that would lead to my decision. Now that my child is almost 2 and is more aware of the world and the people in her world I would wait at least 6 months and require some kind of serious commitment. Not so much an engagement as much as an understanding that we are moving in that direction.

I would not feel comfortable having a man spend the night at my home while my DD is there until I am engaged. I didn't have this requirement before, but that is what I feel is right for us now.

If I was dating a man with a child I would hope he would delay our meeting as well, until we are serious and committed.

UDscoobychick

I see the 6 month mark thrown around a lot as a rule of thumb, but it depends on the age of your kids and on how your relationship is progressing.  I think the general concensus would be not to introduce a SO to your kids until your relationship is fairly well established and you see it going somewhere in the future.  I met BF's son at about 5 months and his daughter at 6 months (both are teens/young adults).

achase123

I think it kind of depends on a lot of things.  I would think that after a few months of serious dating, ie being exclusive, knowing that person is someone special to you, it would be appropriate to have someone around in a group setting.  DS has been around a lot of male friends of mine or friends of friends in a group setting and there's absolutely no harm in that.  I would stay away from sleepovers, displays of affection, etc until there is a very serious commitment, probably close to engagement.

I say this because I'm also learning as I go. 

offbeatmama

achase123:

I think it kind of depends on a lot of things.  I would think that after a few months of serious dating, ie being exclusive, knowing that person is someone special to you, it would be appropriate to have someone around in a group setting.  DS has been around a lot of male friends of mine or friends of friends in a group setting and there's absolutely no harm in that.  I would stay away from sleepovers, displays of affection, etc until there is a very serious commitment, probably close to engagement.

I say this because I'm also learning as I go. 

I think this sounds about right though I don't really have experience with it.

Wedding18

beccaga16:

IMO there are factors that would lead to my decision. Now that my child is almost 2 and is more aware of the world and the people in her world I would wait at least 6 months and require some kind of serious commitment. Not so much an engagement as much as an understanding that we are moving in that direction.

I would not feel comfortable having a man spend the night at my home while my DD is there until I am engaged. I didn't have this requirement before, but that is what I feel is right for us now.

If I was dating a man with a child I would hope he would delay our meeting as well, until we are serious and committed.

i'm in this camp.  I think at least 6 months, but probably closer to 8-9.  I don't know how I would feel about spending the night because I am not looking to get remarried so it would have to be a very serious commitment.  Not sure what that would be in a time stance though.  I have a friend who met her now husband 2 months after she was divorced and got remarried within a year.  Every relationship is different.