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My FWB situation-thoughts?
PDX commented that my FWB situation (from the weekend post) doesn't sound like FWB's and she's right. C&P:
"Friday I went out to dinner and stayed over my FWB's house. We had a nice time and feel asleep watching Bridesmaids in bed.
Sunday I ... went to FWB's house for dinner. He put his back out so I got us takeout and got him thermacare back thing and we relaxed watching tv. I think I really like him...we will see"
The whole reason we became FWB was because I wasn't ready for a relationship, thought he was hot and wanted some action. It's worked very well until recently. I've been thinking about what a lot of people on here say about FWB's--how if he's not good enough to date, he's not good enough to sleep with but the thing is, he's a great guy to date! I feel like I was short changing him by our arrangement and just realized this.
Now I'm stuck because I want to talk to him about dating but I'm not sure what to do and how to go about it. We've become good friends since we started sleeping together and recently we started hanging out outside of the bedroom (starting with going fishing a couple weekends ago), last weekend he asked me to go shopping with him but I had other plans and I saw him 2x this weekend.
It's tough because I worry that if we date and things go badly, that I'll lose him as a friend. On the other hand, he's no longer just someone I just want to have sex with and can see us dating. I think he's feeling the same way based on the fact that we now hang out and do stuff, he's joining my flag football league and texted me "xo" last night before bed.
Ok so I guess this is just more of a thinking things through than anything. Someone tell me to just talk to him about instead of asking a bunch of strangers what to do.
ETA: To make this funny, we were talking about pooping in front of other people (why, I have no idea) and I said I'd never and he's like, "Yeah, me either...except with you. I think I'd be comfortable to poop in front of you as long as I didn't have diarrhea or bad gas" Aww, he likes me so much he wants to poop in front of me! (kidding, I'm gagging writing this)
Re: My FWB situation-thoughts?
Just talk to him! Be honest that originally you thought you weren't ready for a relationship, but after spending time with him outside the bedroom you see him as more than a FWB.
Also as far as losing him as a friend if things don't work out, that's bound to happen in a FWB situation ultimately anyways. DO IT!
That's a tough one...I was in a situation like this years ago. It started out as total FWB (well, roomates that lived abroad with benefits), then after a few months of us each living in our own states, he ended up moving to my city...just "because". We spent almost every night together, did EVERYTHING together and overall really enjoyed each other. He wasn't right for me long term, but we were esentially dating wtihout ever having a label. Heck, I had a key to his place...we were together. But I was too scared to "talk" to him about it (I was like 23), and we kept it up for like a year. So instead I kinda freaked out when I thought he was seeing other people, etc. Yup....I got attached.
It didn't end well and ultimately he professed his love for me, and said "why do you think I moved here", etc. but I chose an ex that had recently come back into my life (now dumbass XH...smart move RedRedwine!)
So...it sounds like you're at where I was. You like him...you kinda want to be with him. You need to talk to him and get a clear definition so that you know what it is, what it isn't and if you can deal with that. Because I think pretty soon it's gonna get sticky if you don't talk to him.
To be honest, I was worried what you were going to say because I know how you feel about FWB's. It was your words that have been nagging me (in a good way) these past few weeks and made me realize that it was never him that wasn't good enough to date, it was me that wasn't ready to date him. Thank you.
Yeah, I thought the "lot of people" who said that was just me. I do have a lot of sympathy for people who are at a point where a relationship is a bad idea, but the physical human contact is still necessary for emotional and physical health. There don't seem to be any truly good options there. I'm glad to see that you're considering being ready and giving it a try, though.
What made you decide you are ready for a relationship?
I had a similar thing happen with my FWB in Australia... We started out as FWB but quickly started spending lots of time together, he cooked for me all the time, etc. We basically have been casually dating since October but we aren't interested in a serious relationship. It's been quite nice and easier than I thought, probably because I am leaving the country soon and it's just a fun fling ... he came up last weekend for a visit and we had tons of fun!
Overall though I know he is not the one and that we aren't in love or anything but the companionship has been really nice.