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BIL & Money Issues

So before we got married/we dating, DH loaned (the key word being loaned here) his older brother about half of his savings (about 8 grand in total) to help pay off college loans. In addition to that, DH has loaned him another 2ish grand for various bills, payments and such. 

At the time, BIL was out of work and living at home with his parents and couldn't pay his bills so in came little brother to rescue the day (at his mothers request, no less. That makes me angry.) and helped out. 

Fast forward to now (about 2ish years later) and BIL has a (nice, steady) job, but is still living at home. We're saving up to put a down payment on a house and that 10 grand would really help. I'm not suggesting we ask for all of it back at once, because that would be silly. But would it be totally out of line to suggest to DH that he ask his brother to start paying him back? My mother is encouraging me to push to get some of that money out...we're younger than BIL and could really use that money. I just don't want to create a rift. But...it was a loan. 

This is why money and family matters don't mix people! Any help?  

Re: BIL & Money Issues

  • Personally, I think it happened before you were even together, so you have no right to say anything about it.  If DH decides to ask, that is up to him.  
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  • Your mother and his mother are way too involved in what goes on with your finances.
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  • Why on earth does YOUR  mother know about a loan your DH made to his brother before you all were even dating?  You gotta pull back on the details you share.  WAY back.

    And sure, you could gently suggest to your DH that he ask for the $$, but in the end, ti's his decision.  This really has absolutely nothing to do with you.

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  • imageEastCoastBride:

    Why on earth does YOUR  mother know about a loan your DH made to his brother before you all were even dating?  You gotta pull back on the details you share.  WAY back.

    And sure, you could gently suggest to your DH that he ask for the $$, but in the end, ti's his decision.  This really has absolutely nothing to do with you.

    You guys are right about me sharing too much with my mom...I know that. We're really close and I share everything with her but I do have to stop sharing so much with her.

    I know it's his decision and I would never demand it. I know it was before I was around, which was why I was wondering if I should even bring it up. Thanks for putting me in my place guys :)  

  • imageReturnOfKuus:
    Your mother and his mother are way too involved in what goes on with your finances.

    I know. I'm working on the 'not sharing so much' thing with my mom. We've only been married a few months, so it's a work in progress. :)

    MIL is way to involved with BIL and his finances. She cosigned on a loan that he recently defaulted on and expected DH to bail him out (this was while I was in the picture) and thankfully, DH said no. But, that's neither here nor there.  

  • your dh will not see that money again and you need to be okay with it. 
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  • Sorry but you probably have to accept the fact that your husband will never see that money and chalk it up to a very expensive learning experience. 
  • that money is way gone, girlfriend.  you have to work on getting over it or that will end up causing the rift.  you can't spend the rest of your life wondering what you could have done with an extra 10K.  
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