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OMG why is she so good for H and so fussy for me?
Every night, I am on until 4 am, and it's a freaking ordeal the entire time. Then H goes on at 4, and in the morning, he's like "oh yeah, she was really good."
All day long, I'm sitting here on edge waiting for her to start crying and needing me for something. He gets home today, I finish feeding her, hand her off to him, and run up to Walgreens. Come back, wash a bazillion bottle and pump parts... meanwhile, she's still snoozing away while H watches some survival program.
So he puts her in her crib and heads out for a run. As soon as he leaves, she starts fussing, so I go change her diaper, and in the middle of it, she proceeds, for the second time today, to pee all over herself, her clothes, and the changing table and then cry away in her crib while I'm trying to clean stuff up. NOw she is back on my lap, and I can barely enjoy this glass of wine that I was looking forward to because it's the time of the day I get to relax.
I HOPE THAT RUN WAS EFFING GOOD!
Okay, seriously, H has been a great partner through this. She is just so good for him, and he doesn't understand my pain!
Also, we are both feeding her now, and still, I swear every time she sees me, she thinks she needs to eat.
Re: OMG why is she so good for H and so fussy for me?
omg, this was my baby to a tee. i spent all day with him and for the most part, he was fussy and unpredictable. and the minute H would get home, he was a dream. i used to get so pissed. in fact, for the first 6 months, i made H come home for lunch so i could at least eat (cause i can't tell you the number of times i would make a coffee and my lunch, only to sit down and RIGHT AWAY, the f*cker would wake up and needed 100% of my attention).
any time i went out and left G with my H, my H would be all, 'he has been so good for the last 5 hours!'
my theory is that they just have more patience b/c they only see the baby for a few hours a day whereas i was with him 24/7.
I hope this does not come off like I am not criticizing you because I am not at all. It sounds like you are very nervous around the baby and babies can pick up on anxiety very easily, if she feels that you are anxious she is going to be more anxious, the best thing that you can do is try as hard as you can to relax.
Spend time doing things with her that don't involve anything more than just holding her and letting her lay on your chest, this will help you feel more relaxed and at ease with her. She loves you, she is just as bonded to you as she is to your husband, she just senses your husband is more at ease than you are. Hang in there, you are doing a great job and with time and practice you are going to feel really at ease doing this.
I am just EP. It got to where she didn't even want to attempt to latch on my boob, and I'd just as soon not nurse her anyway... I don't know why. But now bottle feeding is stressing me out because I'm so aware of how much she's getting and when, and she drinks so quickly and then gets gassy and spits up. I know she just likes to suck for comfort, and sometimes I can distract her with a pacifier, but other times I just have to give her like half an ounce of milk to calm her down. One time she kept wanting the bottle and wanting the bottle and then she finally puked all over herself and her swing - like more than spit up. Then I cried.
lol
Click me, click me!
You cannot spoil her with holding her right now!! Hold her all you want/can. And get a sling or wrap or something that'll give you two hands.
Also, with the pacifier, have you tried different types? If she wants to comfort suck but the pacifier you have isn't cutting it, try a different type. We went through five brands before finding one Will liked.
I'm not necessarily worried about spoiling her, but I'm afraid I'm contributing to her difficulty going to sleep at night when I put her down. She is just calmer for longer when I hold her, so I hold her most of the day.
The hospital gave us a gumdrop soothie pacifier, and she prefers that one to the nuk and tommie tippee we had at home.
I'm sure you guys are right that she is picking up on my nervousness, but it's like a vicious circle! Maybe *I* need a daily xanax. lol
my kid was like this for a few weeks. i'd say by about week 5, she was evenly a jerk to both of us and calm for both of us.
i think it's a combo of:
-i was more tweaked out at certain times of the day, so i didn't have that calming presence. this was confirmed for me when i realized the less i tried to do with her (as in, the day once a week or so where i'd just stay in my pajamas all day and lay in bed and watch golden girls reruns, or the days where all i did was wander around the neighborhood pushing her aimlessly for an hour every so often), the better she was. if i was trying to read emails, get loads of laundry done, wash dishes, etc., she wanted to ruin my lyfe.
-he's bigger than me, so even though we would both hold her the same way, he held more of her at once. he's also a freaking furnace and i'm always cold.
-i was bfing, so i smelt like breastmilk and he didn't. so she was all "oh yeah, let's fuss for some more lunch!"
-the first shift of the night is just harder. by the second night shift she was more conked out and had surrendered more to the "huh, i guess everyone really is trying to chill."
oh pooh, tamb. You're doing fine. I really don't think she's picking up on your anxiety as it were as much as you are adjusting to her and she's adjusting to the world. She's only two weeks old and hasn't yet settled into a pattern of any sort. Everything is new and different both for her and for you.
Just give it time.
Click me, click me!
amen. a thousand times yes to ALL of this. *waves hands frantically*
a neighbor (who is also a grandma) once told me that babies smell fear. and that's why they're always so good for grandma's - no fear. it's SOOOO much easier said than done, but when you're breezy, she's more likely to be breezy.
EITHER WAY - you're doing awesome! she's just new and still probably a little pissed off about being outside. you'll all find your groove. she's healthy and thriving, and even if it doesn't seem that way, she's happy!!
You guys should alternate shifts, it always gets easier by 4am because they are exhausted.
and you are not holding her too much. She is calmer when you hold her because that is what she needs. Trust me, she would fuss either way when you put her down. It's the nails pricking them in their bed, lol.
You are doing amazing, keep up the good work.
(oh and my baby (ok, toddler) is still easier for DH than for me. he can put her to bed in 2 seconds, whereas when it is me, she wants to be rocked and nursed. same if she wakes in the middle of the night)
I'm no help, but she's so effing cute, dude.
What if babies have crazy noses like bloodhounds and they just know the boobs are near? Or, maybe she really just wants more Nirvana.
It was the same for me with C, but not with N...truly, I think C picked up on my anxiety.
All my friends complain about this as well - MEN! (lol)
papie makes a good point, too.
if C wakes up at night and *i* go in, she'll want to stay up or screw around. if H goes, he picks her up, hugs her, pats her on the ass, and she goes RIGHT back to sleep.
same with nap time. sometimes she screws around and throws her pacifier out of her crib just to be ornery. if i go give it to her, she's up for another 20 minutes guaranteed. if H does it - she's out in 5.
maybe it's a girl thing?
With H and I it was the opposite with C, but I tell you that had to do with his comfort level with her. he was nervous, wanted to soothe her and do it right and I just felt more at ease. This time, K would sometimes prefer him because he was more comfortable this time around and I was stressed with C hanging on me, all of us being sick, etc.
You are doing a great job, just keep telling yourself that. If your H is home and you feel like you need a break, take it. See about rotating shifts with the baby.
Thanks for the sympathy and encouragement guys.
She IS pretty cute - good thing! ;-p
Cville- my H is also like a furnace! The other night, he was like "her head feels warm." uh... that's because you're holding her! lol
Papie - I think you are right. H is just better about going to bed early and getting up early than I am. Plus, I have to pump in around midnight or my boobs will explode, so I might as well stay up.
Yeah, they dive-bomb my boobs if I'm trying to comfort them sometimes. It can get frustrating -- especially since I can't comfort-nurse like Frkls said, w two I'd never not have a baby on the boob -- but I agree that the more zen you are, the better the babies are comforted.
You are doing a great job, though. Just keep telling yourself that! And enjoy the times you can get away. I really, truly envy how "easy" it is for a parent to get away with one baby. We both get a little chunk of time but it's usually only enough to shower, run one errand, or something like that -- nothing more than maybe 30minutes a day.
I want you to know that what you're going through is very normal.
Tamb new momhood is way hard.
I agree with tabernac about having distance. It's hard to do the 24/7 and being away can do wonders for a person in terms of perspective and feeling at ease because they are only with the baby for a finite time instead of all the time. Try and get out if you can. Coffee or tea at Starbucks, that usually gives me the break I need.