Married Life
BettyHomewrecker33
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Backwoods MIL
in Married Life
H & I just got married like 20 minutes ago, and my MIL is already up our butts to have kids.
Sent me an email yesterday letting me know that "I had my daughter at 16, and both the boys by the time I was 23, and everything turned out great!" (which really, is debatable)
We're 24 and dumb. We're still at our entry jobs out of college, so also poor. It's not even a thought for us for the next couple years or so. I find it interesting that as a parent she's advocating making our lives a lot harder for the sake of her having a play thing.
Was everyone's ILs like this starting out? I feel like I'm in some warped tv sitcom of newlywed stereotypes.
"Here. This puppy is a metaphor for how you piss on my feelings and take a crap on my dreams."
Re: Backwoods MIL
i think my ILs were hoping that our marriage wouldn't make it, so they did not push us to have kids. my parents were in no rush for us to have kids either.
ftr - we waited 10 years to have our baby.
Ignore her emails. When she says things in person, just say "that's a private matter between DH and I". And if necessary "Please stop bringing it upp" and then even get up and leave the room if you need to.
AND perhaps your DH needs to tell his mom to back off.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I am LOL that her argument is that she was a teen mom.
Get your H to tell her to butt out.
We do this. H told her over Easter that everytime she will bring it up we'll add 6 more months from our TTC start date.
MIL is a bosshog and generally gets her way, my H is the only one of her kids (he's the youngest) who she doesn't support, so generally her advice to his older brother and sister is more of an order. I think she takes his independence as us being snarky or biotchy. It's really just the healthiest thing. I like her, I think just the lack of dependence on her and therefore the need to satisfy HER wants is new to her, and she hasn't fully adjusted yet.
I know she'll wear down over time, and it's not a huge bother, just kind of grating that she wants to bulldoze such a huge life decision for us.
She did/said some pretty rotten stuff during the wedding planning, and actually seeing my mom's reaction towards her helped my perspective and thickened my skin instead of being all pearl-clutchy and sensitive (which isn't me normally, weddings do weird things to you).
My parents are huge advocates for waiting. They waited 4 years, and think it was the best decision.
I'm sorry your ILs were turdholes.
Haha I do enjoy that.
She named her daughter Brooklyn...because she was conceived under a bridge.
That's what I'm working with here.
We told my mother to mind her own business plenty of times, but she just kept on needling away. It took my husband brightly telling my mother over Easter dinner, "When we do finally start having lots of unprotected sex, you'll be the first to know!" for her to stop asking. She got all flustered, turned red, and stammered that that's not what she meant. But she got the point, and it was highly effective, so I recommend it to everyone in your situation.
2013 Calendars and More!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
This. Is. Perfection. I think I love your H, is that weird?
We got it a lot our first two years of marriage. Then I had a miscarriage and that shut them up for a while. Now our son is almost 11 months old, and my SIL is due with their first in August, so that will keep them off our back for a while, but I know probably around September they are going to start harping on us again for our second.
They're slightly baby obsessed.
Also, it's not just MH and I that were bugged. My other SIL (whose daughters are 13 and 14 now) said that my FIL was asking about grandchildren during the father-daughter dance at her wedding. And his other three kids weren't even in their teens yet! (She's the oldest by 8 years.)
You know, this is why my MIL hasn't been harping on us yet either. She tried to get us to postpone the wedding for a few months because "There wouldn't be flowers outside...and I like flowers in pictures" I mean, really? Just be honest!
Anyway, OP, just have your H tell her to back off. It's none of her business anyway. I always thought asking people when they were going to start TTC was weird...it's like asking 'so, when are you going to start having lots of unprotected sex?!' Awk.
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