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I left him, and there may be a new guy (long post)
I moved out almost two months ago, and I'm doing so much better. I can't believe how wonderful it is to actually look forward to going home after work everyday. Just the simple things, of feeling like I'm regaining control of my life, I love! It hasn't been anywhere near as difficult as I had expected emotionally. I think that was largely because so much of the processing of the end of the relationship was done a long time ago, before I could leave him. I haven't been in love with him for a long time, and was only staying because I felt like it was my responsibility to take care of him. He is also doing amazingly well now, with a new medical diagnosis, and has a really positive life plan now, although still begging me to return. I'm too happy now to even consider that though, I'm moving forward with my life.
The current situation that is developing however, is that I'm looking at my best friend in a new light. He has been my main support through the whole situation, and has really been an amazing friend to me. He has helped me stay positive and calm, and has encouraged me in all of this to really listen to myself and learn and grow. I think for a while I had some inklings of feelings for him, but there was so much going on in the situation I was in to really give it much thought, so it wasn't something I considered at the time. Now that I'm happier and thinking more clearly, these thoughts have become more present. I know he has feelings for me, but he's always been very respectful, and placed maintaining the friendship above those feelings, so he always tried to listen and give advice as a friend. I see so much really good potential with us, but he doesn't want to rush me or pressure me in any way.
My concerns aren't so much my feelings or his feelings, but of upsetting other people. So many people ask questions about if its too soon to start dating, and for me its a matter of upsetting or concerning my family. I'm very close to my family (although they live far away) and they know a lot of what's been happening in the last year, so I don't know that it feels right to keep something like this to myself until I know if it turns into something serious or not. But I dread their disapproval when I bring it up, because of what the situation may look like. They don't know him, and I wouldn't want them to judge him harshly right off the bat instead of learning how supportive and positive an influence he's been for me.
Any thoughts or advice?
Re: I left him, and there may be a new guy (long post)
Two months isn't really a long time, but everybody's different.
I can kind of relate to what you're going through. I'm currently dating someone who'd been a friend of mine for years prior to my divorce. The way we decided to handle it was to very, very quietly start seeing one another and see how it went. It was very much under wraps for a little while, but we figured that it'd be better to take things slow and make sure we were compatible before making some grand public declaration. Once we were certain that we were a good match, we slowly started telling people.
Good luck! I was anxious about telling my family, too, because they love my ex a lot. They've been nothing but supportive. I hope yours do the same.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
I started dating my now boyfriend about two months after I moved out of the house I'd shared with my XH.
Like you, I had been ready to leave for a very long time and was really happy with the place I was in. Also like you, I was very concerned with what people would say.
Ultimately I decided that I had to live my life for me, and even if I was making a mistake dating this guy, it couldn't be a bigger mistake than marrying my XH and somehow I managed to survive that and that's what I told people who expressed concern. I also said, "you know, statistically, most relationships don't work out, whether one (or both) of the parties is fresh out of a previous relationship or not. If this doesn't work out, I'll be okay."
You may be surprised though. Even though everyone loved my XH (friends and family) a lot of them admitted that they never saw us working out long term. So, when I started dating my new guy, they were happy for me. They didn't judge me nearly as much as I thought they would.