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Kid behavior question
So - Henry has started to throw little tantrums when he doesn't get his way with things. Usually this happens when he's over tired. Last night he flipped because it was bedtime but he didn't want to go to bed, he wanted to play. This morning he didn't want to eat breakfast.
My natural inclination is to ignore and not give in. I'm pretty good at going to a zen place in my head and emotionally removing myself from the situation. Last night when he was hysterical I just held him and rocked until he calmed down. Then we looked at some books. This morning I let him sit on my lap to eat breakfast instead of sitting in his high chair. Instead of completely ignoring, i compromised to a solution that was ok for both of us - i think
The problem is, I think he can outlast me - scream wise, and I will give in and eventually create a spoiled monster.
Is he do young to too the "ignore" thing? Am I doing the right thing here? I am so lost. I need a book or advice or something.
Re: Kid behavior question
He's not too young in my opinion. I would ignore the outburst and try to redirect DS when hes acting like that. Set the precedent now so you don't have to do it again later with a more strongwilled, stubborn child.
I don't know what I'm doing either, but I feel like at just over a year what you are doing seems appropriate. He was having a tantrum because he wanted to play - you didn't let him play, but you didn't leave him on his own to sort it out. I agree with you, too, that sitting in your lap for breakfast instead of his chair seems like a reasonable compromise. If he's tired and flipping out partially because of that, I think he's young enough that you can cut him some slack.
I also think you'll know when he starts using the tantrums as a tool to get what he wants. There is a huge difference between dd's tantrums that are a result of her being overtired or stressed and those that are just her wanting her way (mostly because she tries to hit us during the latter). If she's freaking because she's overwhelmed, we sit quietly with her until she calms down, but if she's just trying get her way we ignore.
Isn't it FUN how it's a constantly changing spectrum of what they understand and don't understand and you get to endlessly adjust your response to accomodate that? /sarcasm
lol
First, when they're melting down, say "omg. You are exhausted and need some protein." then put them in their beds/on the couch/in your lap wherever adn bring in a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk. Ignore any other demand for anything at all.
(Second, stave off as many tantrums as possible by giving your kid a lot of protein all day long, and not so much in the way of carbs/sugars. Especially at breakfast. It really, really helps).
Third, if they hit or kick or bite, put them in their rooms. Let them scream till they puke/faint/choke whatever but do not give in to any request at all when they are acting like that. Ever. You will pay holy hell if you do.
Fourth, praise them big time for getting a grip when they finally get it. "You got it together, strong work son".
Don't offer choices where there are none. Don't sweat discipline; it's your job to civilize this person, not to walk around in a gauzy filmed diaper commercial as the sweet, all loving, never discipling mommie momms mom. Your child desperately wants your approval; give it unstintingly when he does the right thing, and do it very specifically: YAY! You got your clothes on! good job! or whatever. They want you to love them and approve of them and pay attention pay attention pay attention. If you give them that you can lessen (not end entirely) the tantrums. Don't give approval or attention when they are behaving abysmally.
Don't take them places they cannot tolerate either; and leave at once if they act out wherever you are. Don't take them back, either, till you see improved behavior.
I know I'm making some mistakes (hello baby in my bed!) but as far as discipline is concerned, I feel like I'm doing things right. Suesue's post makes me feel better about that bc I agree with what she's said.
I am a stubborn mother of a very stubborn girl and I am always trying to find the balance between being firm and a battle of the wills. I do not give in. Ever. Lately it's been her exercising her independence while outside. I think you're doing the right thing in picking your battles, I try to do that too.
I feel you, it's really tough right now bc it's natural for them to exert their will, and it's our job to point them in the right direction. I hope we're doing it right bc my worst fear is raising a brat.
The biggest trick is to keep your cool. Do not let them see you sweat! Deliver the discipline you choose in a calm voice and do not give in to their demands. Now that she is older and has a bit of that teenage tude, it has led to some crazy arguments but I am the mom, what I say goes.
When she was small, temper tantrums landed her in her room away from me (thing she hated more than anything). If she threw a toy at the door, I took it. She would finally get the point. If she acted up in the store, we would calmly leave. They are going to go through MANY phases where they will try to test their boundaries. Let them explore new things but just make sure they always realize you are the boss.
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