Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
How did you/do you tell them?
I found out a month ago that DH was having an affair. We agreed to work things out, seek counseling, etc. Then yesterday I found out there was potentially a second gf in the picture. I met with an attorney today but I'm not sure what to do next. How did you tell them you wanted a divorce? I need his financial assistance, so I don't feel like I can just up and ask him to leave and we don't have a custody/support agreement in place yet. While I'm sure divorce is in his mind as a potential outcome, I really don't think he's expecting that it would happen so soon.
Re: How did you/do you tell them?
DD2 11.17.08
I guess that depends on how you think he will react.
When I left XH I was not able to make it financially on my own. It was difficult at first because he didn't think he should have to pay for some stuff. We sat down and hammered out the details on our own. He's genuinely a good guy so I knew he would step up and provide financial assistance for DS. That wouldn't work well if you don't think he'll step up though, kwim? Can you try to make a financial plan before telling him?
I think it depends.
XH had an affair and when I found out he was lying to me and still seeing her behind my back after he said he wanted to work on our marriage, I suggested we separate to see if that would work.
When XH and I separated, we sat down and put together an agreement on everything first. I was still on maternity leave so until I returned to work, everything was still joint accounts. We also put together a rough custody schedule which we fine tuned over the next month until it came out to something that worked for the 3 of us and that became the final schedule when I filed for divorce.
Edited because my computer farted:
Phoenix, I'm sort of in the same place right now. I'm scared to pull the trigger. I'll be fine financially with child support but not without, and having to save for the retainer and the cost of moving is daunting. It could take months. Am I supposed to pretend until then? There's no required separation during divorce in my state, so we don't HAVE to separate, the atty said the only way he could forcibly be removed is with a restraining order. But we're not in that kind of a situation. I'm not even sure I'm ready to file right now. I just don't know how to break it to him when I am. I certainly don't want to blind-side him and just have papers delivered, you know? Our house is plenty large enough for us to cohabitate if needed, but that just feels so wierd and awkward and cold. Like in the past during fights he's suggested sleeping in the other room and I panic. I don't know why I feel the need/want to be close to him when he's hurt me so badly