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would you be mad if someone yelled at your kid?

im kind of annoyed at this. 

we are working on sharing with ds. sil was over last night and sil and ds called fsil. ds ran off with the phone. we followed him, and i told him he needed to share and sil needed to talk on the phone. he gave the phone up and started to cry.

i took him into the next room and was talking to him about sharing and how his turn was over, etc. sil brings the phone to ds and bil starts yelling at him through the phone to quit crying.

dh doesnt think it was a big deal, that bil was just joking, but im a little torqued because yelling at him isnt going to make him stop crying.

what do you all think? im not going to say anything about it, but i still think in that instance, it is inappropriate to yell at someone elses kid.  

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Re: would you be mad if someone yelled at your kid?

  • I think my brain hasn't woken up, but basically DS's uncle yelled at him to stop crying over the phone?

    Yeah, I probably wouldn't like this.  Even jokingly.  Then again, I'm pretty anti-yelling in general. 

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  • I think it depends on the person yelling and the circumstances.  This situation would piss me off.  You were already addressing it with DS there was no need for that.
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  •  sil brings the phone to ds and bil starts yelling at him through the phone to quit crying

    This is just such an odd situation/ thing to do.  And really, where is the "joke"?

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  • is your bil often socially awkward?  does he have kids?  is he one of those "boys have to be tough" types?

    your husband and your bil haven't impressed me too much lately.  maybe the men in your life need remedial "don't be an ass" lessons.

    kiss it, nest.
  • I would be upset. That's not how I want to discipline my child. I don't even think this was a situation that calls for discipline, it was an age appropriate reaction and you were handling it correctly. 
  • it certainly seems unneccessary, but i am having a hard time reconciling how this scenario ever came to be. "put the little kid back on the phone, go get him, imma gonna yell at him!" ...no?
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  • imagecvillebetrothed:

     remedial "don't be an ass" lessons.

    lol.  are these available through the kommunity kollege?

  • imagecvillebetrothed:

    is your bil often socially awkward?  does he have kids?  is he one of those "boys have to be tough" types?

    your husband and your bil haven't impressed me too much lately.  maybe the men in your life need remedial "don't be an ass" lessons.

    I was wondering this, too.  In my mind, I hear him yelling in a way of "Don't be such a pu**y, stop crying!"

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  • it made no sense to me. okay, hes crying because he cant have the phone. so you give him the phone? and then his uncle is barking at him through the phone to stop crying? 

     

    im usually someone who thinks if my kid needs to be disciplined, he needs to be disciplined and im not going to get upset if hes in time out for hitting someone. but its just weird.  

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  • imagecvillebetrothed:

    is your bil often socially awkward?  does he have kids?  is he one of those "boys have to be tough" types?

    your husband and your bil haven't impressed me too much lately.  maybe the men in your life need remedial "don't be an ass" lessons.

    yes. no. yes. and heck yes.

    dh has improved from where he was. but he still has those great shining moments of assiness that make me go wtf. see yesterdays ramen incident.  

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  • imageLooseSeal:
    imagecvillebetrothed:

     remedial "don't be an ass" lessons.

    lol.  are these available through the kommunity kollege?

    for sure.  at the end of the class, you either earn one credit hour or get a slap upside the head.  that's how you know if you passed.

    everyone needs these sometimes. 

    kiss it, nest.
  • are you sure you're not being sensitive about what his uncle was saying?  as in, was he truly yelling with anger or just being a bit dry humored with a "hey babyhuber, man up and quit crying".

    to answer the question, i don't care for other people yelling at my kids if its not necessary. my little sister is a yeller and jumps on them a lot. my kids and my other sisters included. they all just say "auntie ali yells a lot" and pretty much ignore her.

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  • 1.  I would not be mad if someone yelled at my kid. 

    2. I really, really hate it when kids are given a phone to talk on. 

    3. This: i took him into the next room and was talking to him about sharing and how his turn was over, etc. sil brings the phone to ds and bil starts yelling at him through the phone to quit crying. seems bizarre to me.  Why did you give the phone back to the child?

    4. If you don't hand the phone back to the crying child, the BIL has no chance to yell.

    5. IMO the whole scene is NBD.

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  • imagehuber22:
    imagecvillebetrothed:

    is your bil often socially awkward?  does he have kids?  is he one of those "boys have to be tough" types?

    your husband and your bil haven't impressed me too much lately.  maybe the men in your life need remedial "don't be an ass" lessons.

    yes. no. yes. and heck yes.

    dh has improved from where he was. but he still has those great shining moments of assiness that make me go wtf. see yesterdays ramen incident.  

    that's what i was thinking of.  i know you're alread on it, just wanted you to know that an outsider is fully supportive of you kicking his ass.

     

    i think this might have been a "be manly" thing.  which would probably piss me off even more than if i just thought it was regular yelling, but i'm sensitive to coaching kids into typical gender roles.  (which is why i threw away the hair ties my ILs got for L that had little charms on them that said "princess" and were covered in glitter.  um, i mean, they got lost.  yeah.  that's it).

    kiss it, nest.
  • Was he being sarcastic, or joking?  My BIL made KHC cry once.  lol.  We sent KHC into the guest room to wake BIL, and BIL moaned, "Leeeeave me alonnnnne," and KHC came running to us weeping.  Poor BIL learned a valuable lesson that day -- three-year-olds don't get facetiousness. 

    If he was being serious, yeah, I'd be pissed.  There was no need for that.

     

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  • imagehuber22:
    imagecvillebetrothed:

    is your bil often socially awkward?  does he have kids?  is he one of those "boys have to be tough" types?

    your husband and your bil haven't impressed me too much lately.  maybe the men in your life need remedial "don't be an ass" lessons.

    yes. no. yes. and heck yes.

    dh has improved from where he was. but he still has those great shining moments of assiness that make me go wtf. see yesterdays ramen incident.  

    Yeah, this pissed me off yesterday. I didn't say anything bc I don't want to rag on you but that was a d!ck move.  

  • That would be a big effing deal to me. It's normal for him to cry being yelled at over the phone to stop isn't going to help a damn thing.
  • imageEastCoastBride:

     sil brings the phone to ds and bil starts yelling at him through the phone to quit crying

    This is just such an odd situation/ thing to do.  And really, where is the "joke"?

    It's definitely not funny unless you get off on making kids cry. I wouldn't consider it a good excuse no matter what.

  • Yes, I would be mad if someone yelled at my child.
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  • I don't have kids but the only time I would feel it was ok to yell at someone else's kid, including my nieces/nephews, is if they were in a dangerous situation, like about to hurt themselves or someone else. I discipline my family/friends kids very gently and only if I have to. 

    So, yes, I think I'd be annoyed but it's also kind of hard to know exactly what he said or how he said it, right? Or could you hear him? 

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  • i heard it. he used this weird gruff barking voice. like he was trying to be authorative. 

     

    t had his head on my shoulder and sil held the phone up to his ear. i didnt say anything because im the jerk most of the time about calling before you come over and dont teach t to climb ladders, etc.

    but then this bil was all incredulous that i left t in the house to come out in the driveway and ask dh a question.

    well, thanks for telling me im not crazy.  

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  • I still don't get why you gave the phone back to the kid.

    And why don't you want your kid to climb ladders?

    promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am
  • This is a few different kinds.of bizarre. Why take the phone from the kid if he still wanted to talk to him? Why force the kid to 'listen'? What is it BIL's business if he's crying? Weirdos.
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  • imageridesbuttons:

    I still don't get why you gave the phone back to the kid.

    And why don't you want your kid to climb ladders?

    i didnt. sil held it to his ear. i probably could have said leave him alone, but im trying really hard not to become the biitchy inlaw.

     

    and the ladder in question is attached to a silo thing that is taller than my house. id rather my ds didnt think it was fun to climb on it.  

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  • OMG, I would be SO PISSED if I was you.  My kid is super sensitive and freaks about criticism, yelling at her just makes her completely flip out and she just cries and cries and cries forever.  My FIL sometimes raises his tone when they are being kids and playing, and I want to smack him.  If it was full blown yelling I'd take my kids, go home and never go back.  
  • imagepapie:
    OMG, I would be SO PISSED if I was you.  My kid is super sensitive and freaks about criticism, yelling at her just makes her completely flip out and she just cries and cries and cries forever.  My FIL sometimes raises his tone when they are being kids and playing, and I want to smack him.  If it was full blown yelling I'd take my kids, go home and never go back.  

    this exactly.

    i'm really big on blowing off stuff like this with jonah.  he doesn't have to listen to/obey every adult just because he's an adult.  we do a lot of playful, " tell uncle bil, 'you're not the boss of me!!'"  

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  • I would be annoyed by this.

    Depending on the situation, if someone yelled at my kid for no good reason (like huber's), yes, I'd be annoyed and probably say something. If my kid was running with scissors pointed squarely at the head of another child, no, I'd understand why someone would be yelling at my child.

    Oh, FFS.
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