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Do you know people like this? LOL.
Where they pretend to be modest but they're really not?
H's sister (whom I actually quite like otherwise) is the Queen of this.
Case in point:
They live in a decent family friendly development built in the late 90s. Their house is nice, very well kept and they've done a great job of making it their own. However, the layout is weird, the beds and baths are tiny and she has no closet space nor a big LR area. It's just not a functional house for 3 kids.
They've been cleaning, redoing stuff etc. for a good year now. We've all been joking about when they're going to move/build whatever?
For the last year she's been, "Oh no. I love my house. I wouldn't want anything bigger. We don't need more. It's all the upkeep I can handle. I don't want my kids to have a sense of entitlement. Rinse. Repeat. To the point of annoying.
Well Bam! last week she tells us the house is up for sale and they're building down the road in a higher end development.
Now she's all, " I would've never picked a higher end development, but it was just so close to where we want to be! So many floor plans..I'd just be fine with a ranch house! Oh..I would never want Cambria (quartz) but it came with the builder standard! Ohh and laminate would be just fine, but hardwood is standard. It's so hard to pick. Ohh and the tile is porcelain, how will I upkeep that. We're not moving because we want to, we're moving for the kids to ensure we stay in our great school district!" (Your kids are 3,4,5 they don't care about school..and it's not like you weren't well within the boundaries before!)
Oh FFS. If you want a new house, just admit it. Furthermore, just come out and say you want what you want. There's no shame! There's nothing wrong with that. I mean for goodness sakes if you were really fine you'd have a) built a ranch house in a lower end development b) stayed where you are c) stop talking about the details incessantly!
You're a stable couple with good jobs and firmly planted roots in the town you live...no one is going to judge you, so just shut up already...lol.
Re: Do you know people like this? LOL.
Her diamond shoes must be too tight. She should give them to me.
TTC Baby #2 - BFP on 12/14/11 @ 10DPO - CP confirmed 12/18/11
BFP #2 on 1/13/12
LOL!
She really is a nice girl, but she does this a lot!
I think it's childhood guilt. My inlaws are the greatest people but live very simply plain jane lives. I mean they built a house too...but there isn't so much as one "for fun" extra in it.
H and I tend to lead simple little lives 99% of the time too, but we freely admit that we do so that when something comes along that we really want to do/have we can!
It's fine a high end house is a priority to her..she has the funds to back it up...just own up to it! Everyone has their thing afterall!
I totally get it. My FIL grew up in an orphanage. so he has a lot of childhood guilt. The guy drives an old truck (my MIL has a Lexus lol), he refuses to buy new things if he can avoid it and he is a major metal scrap hoarder (he finally took them to get them scrapped for money).
TTC Baby #2 - BFP on 12/14/11 @ 10DPO - CP confirmed 12/18/11
BFP #2 on 1/13/12
Unfortunately, this isn't always true. I know several people who would be talking smack on them for "upgrading". I know people *cough*myfamily*cough* think that my H and I are frivolous with our money (we aren't at all). I find myself sometimes doing this when talking to my one girlfriend. They are very simple people and can be kinda weird when others get the best of the best.
Go Phils!!
I only get judgy when people upgrade things and don't pay their damn bills. No, I think your rent is more important than new furniture.
TTC Baby #2 - BFP on 12/14/11 @ 10DPO - CP confirmed 12/18/11
BFP #2 on 1/13/12
Oh, totally. My H and I live well within our means. We recently bought a USED mini-van and we started getting the "Well, with all of your money..." or "Oh, you must be rich..." comments. Seriously. The thing is a few years old, did not break the bank and made the most sense for us as a growing family.
Go Phils!!
Yep! H was driving a 1997 Infiniti that was getting close to its last legs. We bid on a REPO, a 2006 Equinox, and got it. You'd think we were millionaires the way a few people reacted. Seriously, we paid like $9k for it (sold the Infiniti for $2k after fixing a few small things) and it was pretty immaculate for a car that was 6 years old. But you know, we pay our own bills and all that, so we MUST be rolling in the dough. Ugh.
TTC Baby #2 - BFP on 12/14/11 @ 10DPO - CP confirmed 12/18/11
BFP #2 on 1/13/12
We have a custom built ranch which is valued at 3/4 of a mil (so I get a little irked when people compare ranches as being something simple or less value/quality ... but I digress).
I don't know what your family dynamic is or whether they are financially more wealthy than others in your family - but perhaps they are feeling awkward.
I would say that if we were in the top 5% of earners - that the majority of my family is probably in the lower 20-30% of earners. I was raised in lower 5% - in poverty - so I think that sometimes there is a big disconnect between us and my family (not from a love or get-along standpoint but I think as much as they are happy for me and love our home ... it stands out like a sore thumb for them).
Anyway - yeah she is being annoying and maybe you just need to politely say "listen, we are happy for you - if you want a new home, if you want a different neighborhood, if you have a great builder that gives you everything you want - that is all that matters - don't double talk it - own it" ....
I'm giving you a sympathy eye roll in that I know what you're going through. Our SIL's are similar :
She spends all my brother's money while posting all over Facebook about needing deals and how she's such a super saver/couponer.
No.you.are.not. We all know it. You're just embarrassing yourself.
Ah, the sibling of bragplaining.
That is obnoxious.
I agree about judging when people are "upgrading" and not paying their bills..
EX: My husband and his father have the same name, and when we moved we changed his address through the post office (mistake) now we get all his dad's mail. And because we have the same energy company, cable company, and insurance I often accidentally open his mail, so I know they're not paying their bills! I open it and scream because I know I paid mine, then realize it must be theirs. BUT they just spent THREE GRAND on new couches! Bugs me to no end.. Especially since 2 months ago they were about to lose their house..
Thanks girls!
I could see SILs point if some of the family were significantly less wealthy or more than the other.
However, when all is said and done, it's about the same.
My inlaws have money coming out their ears quite honestly.
The siblings I'd say are all pretty level but we do have different ideas of what's good to spend money on or not.
Hs family is usually great..no judgement calls here.
She's just one of those people that likes to hear herself talk...lol.
And to the poster with the ranch house..don't be offended...it was just an example..I live in one too...and it's quite nice for the area. I have no shame or regrets about it!