Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
question about a bday invite
My husbands cousin sent us a bday invite for her daughter's 1st bday party. We never talk to her...not super close to her at all. Not b/c of a specific reason, but just becuase DH and her were never close growing up so that seemed to follow them through adulthood.
We also live out of state ...ironically I might be in town that weekend. However, I would spend time with my mom and my aunts and cousins. Not at some bday party to a family member that has sent me a random bday invite...that I never speak to.
I think that she was doing it to be nice but is looking for gifts. We have never been invited to other events in this family. Just now. I can understand maybe she wants to open that line of communcation.. but we live out of state, why bother?
She doesnt know that theres that possibliliy that I may actually be in town. However, I dont think she would assume we would take time off of work and suck up the expensive air fare to fly home?And we have never gotten invites before, why now?
Case in point, our close friends have both thier kids bdays at the beginning of May. We have not gotten an invite...but we always did when we were living close to them. My thought on that is that its cheesy to send out an invite when you know the guests are not going to attend. And we talk to them ALL the time. But we plan on sending out gifts anyway. Becasue we talk to them and we are freinds. Not random family cousins who decide we are now important enough to get an inivte.. which means they will get a gift.
I always thought that if you get an invite to an event, you should follow up with a gift regardless if you attend the event or not. But it kinda is annoying that all of a sudden we are important enough to get an invite? Should I sent a gift?
ETA: I will be in town for three days to pack up our stuff as our house has sold and the closing date will be soon after. So whatever time is spared, I will be with my parents..
Re: question about a bday invite
You owe her nothing...just decline.
It would be different if you had a relationship with her.
A first birthday can be a biggish family party. Maybe she's just being polite to invite all of the cousins since she's inviting some of the cousins (who would come b/c they are closer and want to).
I think its a little cynical to assume this a pure gift grab. You definatley don't need to send a gift. But given that you are actually in town, I find it odd that you would be so opposed to an invitation of food and conversation on such a happy event. Especially since you normally have no contact. Why the the need for the big brush off?
I always thought that if you get an invite to an event, you should follow up with a gift regardless if you attend the event or not.
For a wedding, yes - I always send a gift. Otherwise, no. An invitation does NOT mean you "have" to send a gift. If you don't go, no gift necessary.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
1. Does the invite have a picture?
She is just sending out to show off (in a good mommy kind of way). I often send invite to family/friends out of state - knowing they cant or won't come but do so usually because my invites have new picture on them. I do not expect or even desire presents. My kid has enough stuff lol
Do not send a gift - I get she isn't expecting it.
I will actually be in town for three days to pack up our stuff at our house..Its has sold and the closing date will be soon after. So my time is limited and whatever time I have will be spent with my mom and dad.. not some random cousin.
I have always found her to be somewhat fake. So we never really hit it off. We were always cordial but shes not considered a friend..
I feel like we have been brushed off for the past 8 years. So, I am in rush to run over to her house just b.c of a bday party. Also, becuase my time is so limited, she is not top priority at all.
In my family baby's first birthday is almost akin to a wedding. My family typically invited everyone from the family they had room for. It wasn't a gift grab but it was time for relatives to catch up with one another. I wouldn't side-eye it at all. And it sounds like you do know her well enough to dislike her so its not like you've never met her before.
I don't understand why this is annoying you so much. She's excited that her kid is turning one and she's throwing a big party. I'd assume the was inviting to be polite and not exclude, not as a gift grab. You seem pretty worked up about what seems like an innocent invitation.
If you don't want to go, don't. And you don't have to send a gift.
You sound like you really don't like the kid's mom. She was probably just inviting you to be polite and will be happy when you decline. Your negative attitude would be a downer at a kid's birthday party anyway.
DH gets invites from his cousins (even those he is not close to) for their children's events (birthdays, graduations). In his family, it's an excuse for a "family party." We don't always go - we only feel obligated to go to the birthdays for his aunt and uncle (not his cousins or his children).
You can go if you want, or don't go if you don't want. Send a gift or not. But don't assume it is a gift grab if you don't know that's the case. Some people just have big parties.
This. In my family, first birthdays are a big, invite everyone event. Subsequent birthdays are only close family (grandparents, sibs of the parents and their kids).