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Help me "look forward" to Saturday's date
I met a guy on match - started emailing a couple of weeks ago, but due to my schedule with DD and his with his son we are going out for the first time on Saturday for dinner.
The first week I was pretty pumped, then he dropped "if we have a good first date, set up a second, you will be the only girl I will be talking to. No pressure." Ever since then I have kind of been like whoa dude - slow down in my head. I was just looking to go out and have fun with someone I may have some things in common with. Now I seem to be setting myself up for the "in-person let down," non-attraction, and him possibly bringing up a second date at the end of the first.
I don't want to cancel because I do need to get out period as well as just get out there and see what things are like with this guy - but that is it on my end, not looking for insta-relationship. Suggestions?
Re: Help me "look forward" to Saturday's date
If you're going into this thinking "this isn't going to work", it's not going to work. If you're gut is telling you he's not a good fit, you just have to decide if you want to put in the effort with someone you aren't allowing yourself to be open to (if that makes sense).
I too think his comment was a bit off, but maybe there's some background to it....or he's just clingy and nuts?!?
I think it depends on the situation. Where I live now, yeah, I'd think that comment was weird and way too fast. I grew up in the country and there were a lot of guys who dated exclusively from the very beginning. It didn't necessarily mean the relationship was serious but they just felt uncomfortable dating multiple women because it was frowned upon in the community. He might be the same way or he's too busy to date others or maybe he just doesn't want to. Juggling is hard. I'm not really liking it.
I'd keep the date and try to make the best of it. Even if there's no connection or chemistry it's still a night out and you can still have fun! Just be upfront about what you're looking for. I would think about what you would say if he brings up a second date and you're not into it. I have a go-to line of "That's really sweet but I'm not feeling the chemistry I'm looking for." or something similar.
Could have a clinger here - he has made other comments like "if it works out" etc - and I could tell he meant long term. Hopefully not nuts, though!
I think my gut is more - not ready to dive into a relationship period. If that is what he wants, hopefully he will take honesty as honesty and not a blow off.
Then I vote that you go into it with no expectations other than this is a great practice date! Enjoy yourself and see what happens...best case, he's cool and you do want to see him again, worst case, you can come back here and let us all know about how horrible it was
Listen to your gut, it's almost never wrong.
Those kinds of comments would give me pause as well. I thought that the first time you mentioned the comment about "if the first date goes well and we plan a second...".
I agree with this. Sometimes you get a sense for something being "off" before you even go out. I have done online dating a little bit and in my experience it often doesn't work out. That isn't to sound negative or defeatist, it's simply the facts. Dating is a numbers game. Until you meet with someone you have NO clue what they'll be like. I think the fact that he's already anticipating a second date when you don't even know if there's chemistry, a connection, etc because you haven't met face to face, is kind of strange.
I think if you're feeling "off" enough, cancel the date. I know you're a mom and your time is precious, if he are having to "talk yourself into it" then it's probably not right. Plus, if it were me, it'd be hard to shake that feeling of uneasiness. When something doesn't feel right it's generally because it's not right.
After thinking about it, talking to some IRL folks as well - I just sent the cancel email. I feel better now, so I am sure it was the right thing - and no offense powers that be but I feel like if you were sending me "the one" or whatever - I wouldn't feel this way.
I was honest in the email, if I get backlash whatever - but I think it would be better on both sides to do it now rather than be stuck in a super uncomfortable face to face situation with someone I don't "know" and my time could be better spent - even if I take my mom up on her Saturday and go to Starbucks or a movie for an hour or two.
Not sure about online dating, I hate that I paid already. I also recently had ANOTHER dream about the guy after my XH who was friend, we dated, and then he fell off the face of the planet more or less. When I woke up, I pretty much felt like crap - so that didn't help things - need to move on but maybe I need more time too......or the universe to send me an IRL person who is not a douche.
Don't worry - I am sure I will have stories to come. A small weird one is - my mom's friend emailed her about a guy she thinks would be good for me and is catholic and a boat buddy of theirs. I skipped over the part where she said he was "older." I told my mom why not, she sent me the FB page and his age - he is mid-40's, I JUST turned 30. Um no people, not for me thanks! I wish my mom would get over the Catholic thing!